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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Jay" for four months. When I met him, he gave me his cell phone number. He said he doesn't have a home phone.

He won't tell me where he lives because his "ex-woman" stalks him, is dangerous, and he doesn't want her to cause me any problems. He says she has access to his apartment. (The apartment is in her name.)

I care a lot for Jay and don't want to lose him. He has keys to my house and knows my home and work numbers. I've kept no secrets from him, but I suspect he is still involved in a relationship, and that's why he doesn't want me to know where he lives. Should I continue to trust Jay, or do you think he is deceiving me? -- FEELING HURT IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR FEELING HURT: I think he's deceiving you. Everything you have written about him indicates he's still involved with someone else and probably living with her. My advice is to change your locks and home phone number, and if he calls you at work, be unavailable.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old female and have been repairing computers for two years. I thoroughly enjoy it. However, the field is dominated by men, and I have a problem.

My boss doesn't take me seriously. He will put a malfunctioning computer in front of me; I will test it and tell him what I think is wrong with it. Abby, he always disagrees with me.

When he puts the same computer in front of one of his male techs and they will tell him the same thing, he always agrees with them.

I think it's time he gave me credit where credit is due. Is there anything I can do to change my boss's behavior, or should I consider moving on? -- FRUSTRATED GEORGIA TECH

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You're not going to change a member of the old boys' club. Consider moving on, but not until you've found something equally good or better. Now that you have experience, I'm sure there are plenty of job opportunities for a tech with your diagnostic skills.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Gerald" for more than 50 years. He is a wonderful husband and a splendid father. He still showers me with affection: kisses me good morning and good night, calls me from the office at least once a day, is a great provider, never argues about money -- essentially I can do anything I want. In addition, Gerald is an attentive and highly competent lover.

Throughout the year, Gerald gives me presents -- flowers, candy, things for the house, etc. However, he never gives me presents for my birthday, our anniversary or Hanukkah. I receive only a card and a hug.

I don't like it, Abby. When I tell him how I feel, he just smiles, gives me a hug and a kiss, and says, "Honey, that's not my thing." Nothing I say or do convinces him to change. Any suggestions? -- PATRICIA IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR PATRICIA: If after 50 years of marriage this is his only fault, consider yourself a very lucky woman. Develop a sense of humor. Go shopping for holiday gifts for yourself. Show them to him and say, "This is from you. Thanks, Honey."

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