DEAR ABBY: I don't know how to solve a problem between my husband, "Earl," and our teen-age son, "Matt." For medical reasons Matt is unable to participate in basketball this season. He confided in me that he's glad and may never go back to it. He said he played the last few years only to make his dad happy.
Earl cannot accept the fact that Matt is not participating. He has told Matt that he should go to the practices and watch, and sit with the team at the games. He objects whenever Matt wants to do something with his friends instead of going to the games.
I am sick of the conflict, but don't know how to stop it. Matt is a good kid. He's never been in any trouble, works part-time and is an excellent student.
At sporting events, Earl yells at the referees and in general acts like a jerk. He carries on and makes nasty comments about what the players should have done, etc. His behavior has embarrassed our son, but shushing him at the games only makes Earl madder.
Other than this, Earl is a good husband, a fine father and fairly laid-back. Sports just bring out the absolute worst in him. I feel tied up in knots and physically ill when we come home from a game.
Earl participated in sports for only a few years when he was in school, and he was far from "MVP" (most valuable player) material. I just can't understand this, but if it doesn't stop soon, it's going to ruin the father-son relationship Earl has with our son. Please help. -- FED-UP MOM, ANYWHERE, U.S.A.
DEAR FED UP: It doesn't take a degree in psychology to figure out what's wrong with your husband. A failed athlete with dreams of glory in his youth, he is attempting to live out those dreams through his son. I suspect Earl's overbearing behavior is at the root of Matt's not wanting to return to sports -- and who can blame him? His father has taken the joy out of competition. Perhaps with the help of family counseling, someone can get through to him, because the longer your husband's obsession with the boy's athletic achievements persists, the further away he'll drive his son.