What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Man's Best Friend Soothes Aching Hearts, Anxious Minds
DEAR ABBY: Since Sept. 11, I have been re-evaluating my life. It has been a traumatic time.
We all need compliments, humor, and a reconnection to our inner selves. I can nurture others with a smile, a phone call, an invitation to go out for coffee, or allow a stranger to pet my dog.
What a wonderful equalizer my dog is. I conjure up the image of a dog lying in front of a warm fireplace, his expression quietly conveying calm and reassurance. I believe we can reduce our anxiety by creating peace in our minds and hearts. –- R.C. DUNCAN, COTTONWOOD, ARIZ.
DEAR R.C.: Being a nurturer can be as simple as reminding ourselves that our needs do not always come first. I love the mental image of the dog in front of the fireplace to symbolize peace and reassurance. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I want your readers to know that there are no bad dogs –- only bad owners. Contrary to recent press coverage, rottweilers are loyal, hardworking dogs that originated in Germany. Here in the United States, they are used extensively by the police and have received awards for their assistance.
I had the privilege of owning a rottweiler named Otto for nine years. He was trained to be loving and obedient -– not to attack.
I am epileptic and can attest to Otto's loving loyalty. Because of his acute sensitivity, he sensed exactly when I was going to have a seizure. Otto would stay next to me to protect me, allowing only close family or friends to come near. He would gently lick my face until I regained consciousness and recovered from my attack. Even after my recovery, Otto would never be more than a few feet away from me.
My loyal 160-pound friend passed away last year due to cancer. I will never be able to fill the void in my heart.
Abby, these gentle and beautiful dogs do not get the recognition they deserve for the good they do. We shouldn't condemn a marvelous breed of animal for the malicious and abusive training of a few bad owners. –- PATRICK J. KENDRICK, MORTON GROVE, ILL.
DEAR PATRICK: I agree. Please accept my condolences for the loss of your stalwart guardian.
No one should underestimate the ability of dogs (or cats) to help their owners reclaim good health. A 1980 study at the University of Maryland showed that heart attack sufferers who owned pets were four times more likely to be alive a year later than people who were not pet owners. They also had shorter hospital stays because they wanted to get home to their pets. Further, they took less medication for cholesterol and high blood pressure, possibly because those who owned dogs were more active.
Arthritis sufferers, cancer patients, and those suffering from depression or chronic pain also benefit from having pets.
I just finished a wonderfully readable and informative book, "The Healing Power of Pets," by Dr. Marty Becker and Danelle Morton. It is published by Hyperion, and it's now available in bookstores. It made me laugh, it made me cry, but most of all it educated me about a benefit of pet ownership I had been unaware of before.
Single Woman's Paper Trail Could Point the Way to Safety
DEAR ABBY: When I was single and living alone, whenever I went out with friends or on a date, I'd leave a note on my refrigerator stating the date, time I left, with whom I was going, the person's phone number, address, work, where we met -– anything. I would also jot down when I expected to return.
My friends thought this practice was silly. But if Chandra Levy or other missing persons who lived alone had done this, at least there might have been a trail to follow. Call me paranoid, but to me it was always a basic safety issue.
Maybe this letter will help other singles out there –- both women and men. Thanks. -– SHELLEY IN SAINT CLOUD, MINN.
DEAR SHELLEY: Thank YOU. You displayed intelligence and maturity at a young age. I suspect many young people may be reluctant to leave that kind of information because they're afraid it might somehow curtail their independence. However, it's a potent form of insurance in the case of any kind of emergency.
DEAR ABBY: I was engaged in 2000. Sadly, my fiancee passed away from cancer. I was with her throughout her ordeal, at every doctor's appointment and all night with her in the hospital. I held her hand when she passed away.
She left a 7-year-old son, "Danny," who now lives with her parents. Before she died, I promised her I would stay in Danny's life. He calls me Dad, and I call him my son. He stays with me quite often, and in my eyes I am his dad.
This year, I plan to begin dating again. However, Danny comes first, and I will not jeopardize our relationship by bringing someone into his life I feel would not be good for him.
My question: When someone asks if I have children, do I have the right to say I am a dad? How do I explain the circumstances without feeling like I am trying to exploit the situation? –- BACHELOR FATHER IN TEXAS
DEAR BACHELOR FATHER: Just be honest and tell it like it is. A deathbed promise -– a lifetime commitment.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a worried 11-year-old girl. My dad went to a class reunion last summer without my mom because Grandma was in the hospital.
When he was at the reunion, he met up with an old band member who used to be his girlfriend. They've been e-mailing and calling each other ever since.
I wasn't worried until my whole family met her one night, and Dad kissed her on the cheek! Then a few days ago, she called and they met for lunch. He keeps saying they're just friends, but I'm not so sure.
My sister doesn't like this whole thing any more than I do, because this woman is divorced. Abby, do you think she's after our dad, or is it just a friendly thing? -– AN 11-YEAR-OLD IN VIRGINIA
DEAR 11-YEAR-OLD: Have a little more faith in your father. Since he has introduced her to "the whole family," it indicates how proud he is of all of you. From his point of view, I'm sure it's strictly friendship. If it isn't that way from her point of view, she'll have the other three women in his life to reckon with. I don't think she'd stand a chance!
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from a mother whose daughter was a "plain Jane," constantly overlooked by boys who preferred her beautiful friend. That letter has stayed with me because I was a plain Jane compared to my best friend in high school. I'll call her Lisa. Lisa had more boys lined up than you can count. Every boy wanted to date her.
Luckily for me, my self-esteem has never been dependent upon my looks. As a result, my life has been 100 percent easier than my beautiful friend's has been. I have always thought of myself as funny and smart. Therefore, I WAS funny and smart around boys.
Lisa has struggled with anorexia since puberty. She has had a string of scummy boyfriends who treated her horribly. I have enjoyed honest, relaxed, fun-filled relationships with boys from high school through the present. I am now 22.
I implore the parents of girls to make sure their daughters feel valued for their intelligence and talent. Girls need to know it's OK to exploit their strengths. Parents can do that by making sure that their daughters know that being smart, athletic and funny are wonderful traits.
There is no reason why a mother should worry that her daughter is a plain Jane. It doesn't help matters to reinforce the idea that looks are everything. It's far more important to help a girl become a strong, confident person. The boys will discover her soon enough. -- FABULOUS JANE, FAIRFAX, VA.
DEAR FABULOUS JANE: You and I were blessed with mothers who taught us early and often to value ourselves for the strengths and resources every girl has. However, many girls do not know how to appreciate and use their gifts and talents in pursuit of their goals.
The fact is, each one of us has qualities and abilities unique and genuinely beautiful, and far more important than makeup and clothing.
Last spring, I hosted a live Internet chat for the government's Girl Power! campaign at www.girlpower.gov. Girl Power! was created to help girls make it from childhood to adolescence without turning to unhealthy eating habits, drugs, depression or obsessions with unrealistic images of how they should look and act. It features Bodywise pages to help girls make the most of their physical and intellectual abilities, and feel good about who and what they are. Feeling good about oneself is a key ingredient for beauty.
There was once a neglected and unwanted little girl who often worried that she was a "plain Jane" or worse, but she made the most of what she had. Later on, she said this: "No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a child. All little girls should be told they're pretty, even if they aren't." We remember her as Marilyn Monroe, as pretty as any girl ever was.
So, a thought for the day: If you're an adult, make sure every girl you care about knows that she's smart and pretty and valued, and tell her why you think so. The secret to being beautiful is feeling beautiful; the secret to being successful is knowing that success is within your reach.
DEAR ABBY: My father remarried eight years ago when I was 26. I have never figured out how to introduce his wife. She never filled a "motherly" role for me. I feel odd introducing her as my stepmother, so I end up saying, "This is my father and his wife, Blanche." I think she feels slighted by my approach. Do you have any appropriate suggestions? -- NAME CALLER IN TEXAS
DEAR NAME CALLER: Ask Blanche what she would like to be called. It will make future introductions less awkward for you and other members of your family.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)