To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: I had to respond to the letter about runaways and the comment, "... and Johnny isn't going to stop acting out no matter how much everyone wishes differently."
Johnny knows only what he has learned at home. He is repeating his parents' example. Kids don't run away from love. They run from hell.
Abby, I was a four-time runaway. The fourth time, at age 12, was the charm. I never went back to hell again, which is what my home life was. Fortune smiled on me –- I landed in a beautiful home for years. I graduated from high school and college with both B.A. and M.A. degrees.
Along the way, I went to California State Mental Hygiene Clinic for five years at $2 a session. What a bargain that was; the results made me the man I became. How sad we no longer have those clinics. Instead we have crime and prisons.
I raised my own family without corporal punishment or abuse. My four adult children grew up with an arm around their shoulders and hugs and reminders every day that they were dearly loved. It's gratifying to see them repeating that behavior in raising their own six children –- my precious grandchildren. -– "OLD RUNAWAY"
DEAR "OLD RUNAWAY": I wish everyone could find the inner stregth you did. Your experience proves that, with help, the pattern of abuse does not have to repeat itself from generation to generation. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I was also a runaway. It was scary being alone in a strange town. I became involved with people I now would never associate with. After four months of trying to make it on my own, I went back home –- and back to the same old problems.
Now that I am older, I'd never recommend running away. You can get counseling, either at school or your local mental health center. If you can't afford it, you will be charged according to your income, or at a very low rate.
I am still going to therapy for the things my parents did to me. I have made some good choices now and have raised a beautiful daughter.
For you teens who are reading this, please try to get help. If your friends aren't enough, take Dear Abby's advice –- or learn from my story. There is always hope. -–BEEN THERE IN OGDEN, UTAH
DEAR ABBY: I have been taking college classes on and off for 15 years and will finally graduate in May. I will be the first college graduate in my family. I love my husband, but he has not been supportive of my goals. He's said many times that he is not interested in what goes on in my college classes.
My problem is, I need to choose an escort to walk with me during commencement. Even though my husband is the logical choice, I feel he doesn't care.
A true source of encouragement and support has been my father-in-law, "Max." Not only has Max paid for my college, he asks about it regularly and is very proud of my high grade-point average.
Abby, this may seem like an easy question for you, but I want to do the right thing. Who would you choose? –- COLLEGE GRAD IN THE GARDEN STATE
DEAR COLLEGE GRAD: Ask Max. He's given you maximum support –- emotionally as well as financially. I am sure he will be thrilled to escort you, and it's a thoughtful way for you to acknowledge all he has done for you.
Daughter Afraid to Speak Out About Man's Lewd Behavior
DEAR ABBY: I have a big problem. My mother has a boyfriend who just got out of prison. He was incarcerated for aggravated sexual assault on a child.
Mom is in love with this man. They've been "going together" for nearly a year. Here's the problem: Whenever he comes over to see Mom and he gets me alone -– even for a minute –- he says stuff like, "You're lookin' good today," and tells me my breasts look big and firm. Things like that. He even talks that way when Mother is in the next room. It makes me very uncomfortable.
Sometimes when Mom's back is turned, he winks at me and licks his lips. I've asked him to stop, but he doesn't listen. Now he's at the point where he tries to grab me and slap my behind.
If I tell Mom, I'm afraid she won't believe me because she knows I don't like him.
I am 20. Mom's boyfriend is 40-something. He's always staring at me and telling me to smile. Abby, I can't smile when he's around because he makes me so uncomfortable. What should I do? –- UNSURE AND UNEASY
DEAR UNEASY: Tell your mother exactly what you have told me, and don't put it off any longer for fear she won't believe you. Her boyfriend is a predator, and his behavior is escalating. He's lucky you haven't reported him to his probation officer. The man has a sickness, and your mother can't fix it. Warn her -– and for your personal safety, keep your distance.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 21-year-old mother with a 19-month-old daughter. I recently separated from my abusive husband and now live with my family.
I'm at my wit's end because my daughter screams and cries all day. I don't know how to control her. It seems abnormal for her to act this way. I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. She demands so much attention I can't even use the bathroom or take a shower alone.
I want to take my daughter to a psychiatrist, but my family would have a fit. It seems everyone has control over me, including my daughter. She acts like I'm a pushover, which I am.
Abby, do you know of any techniques to calm her down and make her listen to me? –- TIRED AND WORRIED IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR TIRED AND WORRIED: You are a mother now. It's time to do what YOU think is right. Take control of your life. Make an appointment today with a pediatrician for an evaluation and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist who specializes in children.
DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years old and in love with a married man I'll call Ben. We work in the same small company. Ben and I were inseparable. We had planned to move in together, but he decided to return to his wife. He said he was sorry, and I should get on with my life.
I see Ben every day. If I don't stop by his desk to talk, he calls me on my extension, acts like I've hurt his feelings, and asks, "Are you mad at me?"
Abby, I don't know what to do. I know he loves me because if he didn't, he would let me get on with my life. –- JILTED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR JILTED: No, you have it backward. If he loved you, he would not be dragging this out. I hope you realize how fortunate you are to have this self-centered, ego-driven cheater out of your life. Find another job. Get away -- far away -- from this guy, and in the future, avoid men who are married.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Mom Sees Couple's Honeymoon as Good Time for Family Trip
DEAR ABBY: I have a huge problem. My fiance and I have been together for three years and are being married in October. The problem is my soon-to-be mother-in-law. She is a great lady and we get along very well; however, she insists on accompanying us on our honeymoon! She keeps pushing the idea of making it a family trip.
My fiance told her the honeymoon is going to be just for us. He tried to tell her we all could go someplace together another time, but she got upset. She abruptly got off the phone with him, saying she was "only joking," but she'd work on me.
This is a nightmare. She's normally a pleasant and reasonable person whom I like a lot. That's why I don't understand why she can't see this is a huge intrusion.
Please help. I don't want to have to change my honeymoon destination to someplace she may not want to go. –- BRIDE-TO-BE IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: It's not a matter of finding a destination where your future mother-in-law doesn't want to go. This "great lady" seems to have control issues or a serious case of separation anxiety. She's dead set on going wherever her son goes. She could benefit from counseling.
Although I have printed letters in the past from couples who included extended family on their honeymoon –- and a good time was had by all –- unless all parties are equally enthusiastic, it is extremely presumptuous for an in-law to continue to harp on it once the suggestion has been rejected.
Unless you want your marriage to turn into a family affair, you and your fiance must stand your ground.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter is expecting a child soon and plans to use our surname because her husband's name is foreign and could be interpreted to mean something naughty in English. She wants to spare her child the embarrassment of being teased when she gets to school.
There is an uproar over this among the grandparents. Our son-in-law says it's OK with him. Is this now an accepted practice, or is it something new? –- DESPERATE GRANDMA
DEAR GRANDMA: It's something relatively new. It started when women began hyphenating their names and adding them to their husband's. Some husbands also began hyphenating their names to coincide with the wife's.
As your letter proves, there is more than one answer to the question, "What's in a name?" –- pride, tradition, social standing, money or misery, depending on what the name is.
DEAR ABBY: Recently a reader asked if a fifth anniversary was too soon to renew wedding vows. You told her to go for it. I agree with you.
I have a collection of ladies' magazines from the 1930s and '40s. During those uncertain times, it was fashionable to celebrate 50th anniversaries, but they included 50 months, 50 weeks –- or even 50 days!
Bring on the cake and punch! In these uncertain times, any celebration of love, commitment, family, faith, joy or happiness should not be missed! – GAIL A. THOMPSON, LIBERTY MO.
P.S. We were married 30 years last November.
DEAR GAIL: I agree. Belated happy anniversary to you and your lucky husband.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO MY READERS: Thanks to you, writing this column is a love-in every day of the year!
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)