CHUCKLE FOR THE DAY: The apes in the zoo have a dilemma: They can't figure out if they are their brother's keeper -- or their keeper's brother!
DEAR ABBY: I am a 21-year-old college student. This year I'm living with three sorority sisters in a house off campus. We get along fine except for one thing.
The mother of one of our roommates comes to stay with her daughter and the rest of us every single weekend -- from Friday night to Sunday night. She is always underfoot. She is always in the bathroom when we need to use it. She uses the last of the toilet paper and never replaces it. In fact, she uses all the household supplies we buy as a group. We are struggling students and cannot afford to pay for a fifth roommate.
To add insult to injury, last weekend not only did this woman come to stay, but Grandma came with her! Never once has our roommate asked if these visits were convenient for the rest of us, nor have Mom's sleepovers been brought to our attention beforehand.
When we finally addressed the problem with our roommate, she promised her mother would start getting hotel rooms when she came to town. Unfortunately, that hasn't happened yet. We don't expect her to always stay in a hotel because of the expense, but none of us signed up to live with a housemother. Please help us! -- IRKED COEDS IN WACO, TEXAS
DEAR IRKED COEDS: I feel sorry for your roommate. Either the mother is unable to let her daughter grow up and separate from her, or she may be seeking to escape an abusive environment. However, the current arrangement is unfair to you and your other roommates. So stick to your guns and insist that the mother keep her promise to make arrangements for other accommodations.
DEAR ABBY: My son is going through separation and divorce. It is not a friendly one.
He is now serving in the military overseas. His wife and two children are here in the United States and live close to my husband and me. She allows us to see our grandkids whenever we want. However, since the divorce, she's fallen on hard times -- economically and emotionally -- and it kills us to know she is suffering the consequences of her decision to break up the marriage.
The issue, Abby, is loyalty to our son. He is very upset by what she did, bringing the children back to the states and destroying his military career. He is bitter and adamant that our relationship with his ex-wife come to a halt. He says when he returns home, she is not welcome in our house. The children won't be an issue, as they have joint custody.
I love both my son and daughter-in-law. I feel terrible that our relationship with her must end. What would you do in our shoes? -- HURTING IN HUNTSVILLE, TEXAS
DEAR HURTING: I'd remind my son that his almost ex-wife is still the mother of your grandchildren, and that whom you invite into your home is your decision, not his. This is not his choice to make. For the sake of the children, do not burn any bridges.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: For the past five years, I have been friends with a man I'll call Harry. We met while we were working for the same company. I was dating someone else at the time, but the chemistry between Harry and me was apparent.
He eventually became my boss, so dating was out of the question. Both of us ended up leaving the company and getting involved with other people, but we always remained friends. Nothing romantic ever occurred between us -- even though people always assumed we were a couple and would ask us how long we had been married!
Recently we both became unattached again. My question: Can two people who have been good friends for such a long time become lovers and make it work? Or was "When Harry Met Sally" merely a movie? -- A "SALLY" IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR SALLY: Friendship can be a terrific basis for a romantic relationship. Lack of a solid basis of friendship is often the reason that infatuations fizzle. Count your blessings and proceed full speed ahead.
DEAR ABBY: "Missing My Friend in Indiana" wrote that her young friend had been killed, and wondered if she should write to her friend's parents to tell them what a lovely daughter they had. Your advice was correct: Such a letter would be a great comfort to the parents.
On April 2, 2001, we lost our dear son, Jeff, in a commercial fishing accident. He was on a boat called the Arctic Rose that went down in the Bering Sea. All 15 hands were tragically lost.
We waited four agonizing days before the Coast Guard finally called off the search. During that time, we received a letter from a young woman who knew Jeff in high school. She told us the story of how she met him in class and asked him to a dance. Then she described how special Jeff was and what a good friend he had been to her.
Abby, I read that letter again and again. It gives me great comfort, and I can never thank that young woman enough. I hope "Missing My Friend" will write those parents today. Letters like that are all we have left of our Jeff. Shared memories of him have helped us to cope with our loss. -- KATHY AND DAVID MEINCKE
DEAR KATHY AND DAVID: Please accept my sympathy for the tragic loss of your son. Your experience validates the fact that a letter of condolence can be a treasured keepsake and a lasting source of comfort for the recipient.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for six months. I love him, but have a problem: I feel as if I was rushed into my marriage by his aunt.
Not only that, but I also find myself looking forward to seeing another man, "Ross." He is an inmate in a correctional facility and will be released around Christmas.
I dream about being with Ross. If my husband knew, he would be terribly hurt. What do you think I should do? -- PRISONER OF LOVE
DEAR PRISONER OF LOVE: The inmate is "safe." You can project your fantasies on him and he cannot disappoint you. (He can't fulfill them, either -- but that's beside the point.)
I urge you to seek professional counseling ASAP -- before you destroy a promising marriage.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Thoughtful Gifts for Seniors Are More Practical Than Pretty
DEAR ABBY: Since Friday after Thanksgiving is the day that Christmas shopping traditionally begins in earnest, would you please reprint as soon as possible your list of thoughtful gifts for seniors -- especially those living on fixed incomes? I'm sure it would be much appreciated. -- ANNE N. IN MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR ANNE: Absolutely! I am pleased to do so.
It seems no sooner are the dishes put away from Thanksgiving dinner than it's time to start holiday shopping. And that means it's time to publish my list of gift ideas for senior citizens.
Readers, if you plan on sending holiday gifts, first let me tell you what NOT to send. Forget the cologne, aftershave and dusting powders unless you have first checked to see if they are welcome. Scents are highly distinctive (no pun intended) and not every perfume works on every person.
Never give a pet to anyone unless you are absolutely certain the person wants one and is able to properly care for it.
Do not give wine or liquor to people unless you're sure they imbibe.
Candy, nuts, confections and fruitcakes make beautiful gifts for folks who aren't counting calories, but have compassion for those who are, and don't lead them into temptation.
With the price of groceries going through the roof, many people on fixed incomes would appreciate a gift basket of goodies. How about small cans of tuna and chicken? Also include crackers, assorted flavored instant coffees, herbal teas, soup mixes and cookies.
Gift certificates are always welcome: for groceries, haircuts, manicures, dry cleaning, restaurant meals, theater tickets, videos and department stores. And don't forget prepaid long-distance calling cards.
Not all seniors drive, so bus passes and coupons for senior transportation or taxis are always welcome.
Large-print calendars with family birthdays, anniversaries, etc., marked and personalized with family photos, make useful gifts, as do large-print address books with information transferred from the recipient's records.
Payment of utilities for a month or two can be sent directly to the utility -- then let the recipients know they have "extra" money to spend as they wish.
A cordless phone or answering machine is a handy gift.
Membership in a gym if the person wants to exercise.
A magnifying glass.
A cuddly robe and slippers with non-skid soles.
Sweatpants, sweatshirts and jogging shoes.
For someone who has a pet, send it a treat -- a can of dog or cat food or a rawhide chewstick or catnip toy.
A subscription to a magazine or newspaper you know the person will enjoy is a thoughtful gift.
Because medications are expensive, a gift certificate to the neighborhood pharmacy would be much appreciated. (Trust me.)
Stationery and stamps come in handy year-round. If you send them, be sure to include felt-tipped pens, too.
Loneliness is the ultimate poverty. Holidays can be depressing for people who are alone. So if you know someone who could use an outing, give him or her the best gift of all -- an invitation to have a meal with you and your family.
If you ain't givin', you ain't livin'!
CONFIDENTIAL TO ALL MY JEWISH READERS: HAPPY HANUKKAH!
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)