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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I haven't spoken to my friend, "Millie," in three months.

The history of our 20-year friendship is that when things are going good for Millie -- a promising new relationship, a serious boyfriend, a new husband, etc. -- she cuts me out of her life. (Millie says none of her men have cared for my company.) However, when things go wrong -- a fight with a boyfriend, a broken engagement, a divorce, etc. -- suddenly I am in the picture full time.

Abby, my husband and I truly care for Millie, but I've about had it. I have tried talking to her about her behavior, but she always says nothing is wrong.

Should I chuck this long-standing friendship? -- MAD AT MILLIE IN INDIANA

DEAR MAD: No, but recognize that you have become Millie's "foul weather friend." Be pleasant to her, but no longer allow yourself to get caught up in her psychodramas -- and for heaven's sake, don't depend on her for anything.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl in need of advice about my mother. Although Mom and I rarely get into arguments, it seems we've grown apart. We don't seem to trust each other like we used to. We don't talk the way my friends talk to their moms.

Now that I'm getting older, I wish more and more that my mother and I could have the "best friend" relationship other daughters have with their moms. I love her very much, but wish I could talk to her about school and boys.

What can I do to break the ice so my mother and I can be more open with each other? -- WANTING TO BE CLOSER IN THE CAROLINAS

DEAR WANTING TO BE CLOSER: Get your mother's full attention. Find a quiet spot, sit her down, and tell her that now that you're a teenager, you need her more than ever.

Schedule a regular time you can be together without interruption. Trust isn't built overnight. Begin confiding in her and see how she reacts. If she reacts badly, look for another adult in whom you can confide.

DEAR ABBY: My problem involves a good friend of mine I'll call "Danny." He seems to be infatuated with my wife. Danny was best man at our wedding and kept making jokes like, "I get to marry her if you don't show up, right?"

Ever since the wedding, he makes comments about how he's going to "steal her away." When the three of us get together, Danny is overly affectionate with my wife and sometimes even tries to wrestle with her.

Since we're such good pals, I felt like I should talk to him about it. But when I brought up the subject, he dismissed it as jealousy. My wife and I have discussed this problem several times, but cannot find a way to resolve it. Neither of us wants to hurt Danny or damage our friendship, but we're both getting tired of this. Any ideas? -- NEW HUSBAND IN COLORADO

DEAR NEW HUSBAND: You are both being taken advantage of. Since you have already talked to your friend about how his behavior makes you feel, it's now time for your wife to speak up.

In no uncertain terms she should tell him to lay off and that his advances are inappropriate and a turnoff. If that doesn't bring about the desired result, end the friendship.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600