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by Abigail Van Buren

Husband's Explosive Temper Puts His Wife in Harm's Way

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 10 months, "Stan," is kind, generous, and a hard worker. He does a lot of work around the house and likes to spoil me.

On the downside, Stan has a bad temper. He sometimes acts like an angry child. He'll speed away in his truck when he gets upset about some insignificant thing. There have been times when he's driving me somewhere that he has gotten mad and driven recklessly -- speeding and tailgating.

I have begged him to slow down and be careful, but it does no good. When we get home in one piece, I say a prayer of thanks.

Six weeks ago, Stan started taking medication for his panic disorder, but it hasn't helped. Although he calms down and apologizes afterward, the outbursts continue. He has promised to try anger management counseling, but we haven't pursued it yet because of the cost.

Should I go ahead and set up an appointment for him, Abby? What other advice can you offer? -- TEXAS TINA

DEAR TINA: Before scheduling any appointments for your spouse, his doctor should be notified that his present medication hasn't modified his behavior. After that, your husband should set up his own appointment for the anger management classes. Be supportive, but he must take responsibility for his own actions. There is only so much one can do for another.

DEAR ABBY: I am an English as a Second Language (ESL) tutor, and would like to respond to the letters about your column being used to teach English to foreign students.

Large numbers of immigrants in my area do not speak English. It's not an easy language to learn. I cringe when I see U.S. citizens walking in the mall sporting T-shirts that state, "Welcome to America: Now Learn Our Language!" Maybe these folks think they're cool, but they must realize that there are countless people in this country who would love to learn English. However, they need tutors.

There is much demand for ESL tutors -- for individuals willing to meet with some of these immigrants weekly to conduct a conversation class. Instead of being angry at our new citizens, valuable time could be spent teaching them.

Have any of those people sporting slogans on T-shirts ever tried answering the 100 questions one must study to take the citizenship test? Let me tell you, Abby, I have been stumped by a number of these questions -- while my ESL students could rattle off the answers.

If anyone reading this has the time to tutor, it can be a rewarding way to volunteer. Come learn how! The students are deeply appreciative. -- ESL TUTOR IN MIDDLESEX COUNTY, N.J.

DEAR ESL TUTOR: What a wonderful idea. Readers interested in becoming a tutor should contact the local school district, library or community center to see if there are programs in their area.

DEAR ABBY: I am a regular churchgoer. My pastor said there is no sex in heaven, but my gut feeling is that there is. Is there sex in heaven? -- SEXY IN SIOUX FALLS, S.D.

DEAR SEXY: I'm not sure, but if my mail is an indicator, it could be the answer to a lot of prayers.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600