What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
MOM'S WEDDING DAY BEHAVIOR GETS BAD RECEPTION FROM BRIDE
DEAR ABBY: I was married a few months ago. My sister and one of my bridesmaids "got into it" inside the limousine on the way to the chapel. My sister said my friend was rude. I became upset because I felt they could have waited until after the reception to air their differences. I felt my sister was selfish.
At the end of the reception, my mom and I got into a huge argument. Mom was drunk and cursing at the guests. One guest came up to me and complained about her. When I confronted my mother, she said I was a liar and some other hurtful things. Then Mom wanted to make some nasty comments on the microphone. When her girlfriend and I tried to stop her, her friend and Mom fell on the floor.
Mom refuses to acknowledge that she has a drinking problem, so I decided to stay away from both her and my sister. I haven't spoken to either one since the wedding. Am I wrong? -- "D" IN FARMINGDALE, N.Y.
DEAR "D": You are not wrong; you are protecting yourself. You will never be able to have the relationship you want with your mother until she faces the fact she's an alcoholic and confronts her problem. As for your sister and your bridesmaid, I don't know who is to blame for the argument in the limo, but they both owe you an apology.
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Mel," and I are in our 70s. We have been married 14 years. It's the second marriage for both of us.
Mel has a 30-year-old daughter who is married and the mother of two children. She and her husband and children live out of state.
Abby, the daughter calls my husband at least twice a day, any time she feels the urge to talk to him. I find it very annoying that a girl her age needs to talk to her "daddy" so often. She asks him for advice and constantly tells him she loves him. Of course, Mel loves the attention she lavishes on him -- but I am upset and a little jealous.
Is her behavior normal, and if so, how do I handle this infuriating situation? -- FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA
DEAR FRUSTRATED: You "handle it" by learning to accept it. For whatever reason, your husband's daughter is a "Daddy's girl" -- she needs his approval and support, and it isn't likely to change. You are not rivals for his affection unless you make it so. Think of it this way: You and she have something important in common. You both love her father in different ways, just as he loves both of you.
DEAR ABBY: I work in a busy office where I meet and interview clients. Last week, while meeting with a couple -- who were prospective clients -- the man began admiring my display of family photographs. To my surprise, he picked up the portrait of my husband, showed it to his wife, and said, "Look, there's Michael, Kathy's boyfriend!" (Kathy is the man's sister.)
Abby, he knew my husband's name, the name of my husband's best friend and where he lives. When I asked Michael about it, he said he didn't know any girl named Kathy. I want to believe Michael, but I cannot understand why a couple would go to such great lengths to be as cruel as they were to me. Michael and I have no known enemies and have had a very committed marriage for 13 years. What do you make of this? -- PUZZLED IN FLORIDA
DEAR PUZZLED: What happened had to be a terrible shock. My first reaction is that you are in denial. The couple you were interviewing knew too many precise details to be faking. It's time you look further and do some fact-checking.
Safety Starts With Seat Belt When Firefighters Answer Calls
DEAR ABBY: Fire Prevention Month has nearly ended, but may I still enlist your help?
Firefighters across the country are so eager to respond to emergency calls, they frequently fail to buckle their own seat belts. Last year, 13 firefighters died from injuries that could have been prevented simply by buckling their seat belts.
While many fire departments have rules that are strictly enforced, the majority do not enforce the seat belt rule until someone gets hurt or killed. Six firefighters this year have died from rollovers or being thrown from fire and personal vehicles while responding to a fire. Excuses from firefighters range from, "We need to put on our gear," to "Seat belts don't fit over the gear." It is the responsibility of each individual to buckle his or her seat belt.
I'd like to ask each spouse, parent, child, family member or friend of a firefighter to please remind him or her to buckle up whether riding in a fire truck or ambulance. Listen up, firefighters: Seatbelts Are For Everyone ... even firefighters! Not buckling up is just plain stupid. -- JANET WILMOTH, EDITOR, "FIRE CHIEF"
DEAR JANET: I'm pleased to publicize your appeal. It would be a tragedy if a firefighter is killed before he or she can even respond to the emergency. Certainly "buckling up" is not too much to ask from our heroes. Their jobs are risky enough as it is.
DEAR ABBY: I am fond of my son-in-law, "Kirk." He is a fine person. However, Kirk is overweight and has high cholesterol, and my daughter, "Gloria," told me she finds Kirk's weight a "turnoff."
While they were visiting me last weekend, Gloria went to the cupboard where I keep candy and nuts for my bridge group. She filled a plate with divinity, chocolate kisses, nuts, etc. and set it on the table right in front of Kirk. We had just returned from a champagne brunch. I later told Gloria I thought it was wrong of her to serve candy to Kirk knowing he wouldn't be able to resist. She replied, "Everyone is responsible for himself."
What is your take on this situation? -- CONCERNED M-I-L IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR CONCERNED: What your daughter is doing to her husband is deliberate sabotage. She's feeding his weakness. For whatever reasons, she isn't encouraging a healthy, fit spouse. People who love each other want what's best for them and offer support. Shame on Gloria.
DEAR ABBY: I am an 18-year-old guy who's been dating my 13-year-old girlfriend for the past six months. Her mom knows we go out, but she doesn't know I'm 18. She thinks I just turned 17.
Abby, I really love this girl. We've made a commitment to get married when she turns 18, which is when she graduates from high school.
In the meantime, what should I do about lying to her mom about my age? -- TOTALLY IN LOVE
DEAR TOTALLY IN LOVE: Level with her mother. If you are caught in this lie, the girl's parents will rightfully wonder what else you and their daughter have been lying about. Furthermore, without her parents' blessing, in some states -- if this should "go too far" -- you may find yourself in legal trouble because you are considered an adult and she is a minor. Please give this some serious thought and don't delay.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Old Friend Is Good Company, but Bad Addition to Marriage
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "George," and I have been married 36 years. During that time I have disagreed with some of the choices he's made, but his latest escapade tops them all.
A year ago, George expressed a desire to rekindle a friendship with a woman he'd had a crush on in high school. (I'll call her Kate.) Kate said she wondered what had happened to some of their old classmates, so George suggested they attend their 40th class reunion together. I didn't care to go, so I agreed it might be fun for them to see the old gang.
Since then, the three of us have enjoyed dinners and movies. They're now planning a seven-day Caribbean cruise together and say they want to share a room to save money. I was invited, but I don't plan to go.
George insists there is no sexual attraction -- but I'm becoming uncomfortable and annoyed with the situation. The chosen few to whom he's confided his vacation plans say I'm crazy for allowing things to escalate this far. I'm beginning to agree.
My husband recently had a heart attack and takes numerous medications. I have stuck by his side all these years while he was in and out of the hospital with various ailments. I don't understand why he now wants to spend so much time with a friend, while neglecting a faithful wife.
As I sit typing this letter, George has gone for yet another one of their "friendship visits."
Abby, what's wrong with this picture? We're the talk of the neighborhood. Any suggestions? -- DESERTED WIFE IN MISSOURI
DEAR DESERTED: Yes! Spouses should be playmates as well as helpmates. If you haven't already realized it, you're playing with dynamite. Reorganize your priorities immediately, and stop enabling your husband to spend so much time alone with his old high school crush.
Kate reminds your husband of the time when he was young and healthy. After his heart attack, he is living life to the fullest -- however, he should be living it with you. Since your husband has told you you are welcome to be with them, make it your business to go on the cruise. You, not Kate, should be the one sharing his stateroom.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl. Lately I've been thinking about famous people and the impact they have on the lives of children and teenagers. If some rock star gets caught smoking marijuana or an athlete takes steroids, I know kids my age who would go straight out and try it.
These singers, athletes, actors and musicians don't realize how powerful their influence is. You can't rationalize behavior by saying, "Oh, they should have known better." Hello? I don't think so.
To all of the famous people out here, whether you realize it or not, you are role models for us kids and young adults all across the nation. So PLEASE, before you do something dangerous, stupid or illegal -- think about the impact it will have on your fans. -- A MINOR WHO KNOWS, HAWTHORNE, N.J.
DEAR MINOR: For one so young, you have a good head on your shoulders. I agree that when someone enters public life, setting a good example is a small price to pay for fame and fortune.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: An important reminder: Have you remembered to change the batteries on your smoke alarms and that daylight-saving time is over, so clocks should be set back one hour? I hope so!
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)