DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 19 years. We have one daughter in college and three at home, ages 17, 15 and 11. We went to therapy because I was unhappy. The therapist said my wife was not allowing any of us space, including me. My wife was making all the decisions -- which included having the kids believe in the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny.
My wife doesn't like one suggestion the therapist made. I believe it could work well. The therapist said we should have one weekend a month free. From Friday at 6 p.m. to midnight Sunday (54 hours), I take care of the kids and house, and my wife can do whatever she wants with the time and $120. I get the same on my weekend. The other two weekends are for the family, and the children choose alternating activities from my wife's list or mine.
On my weekend I go away fishing, camping, hiking or whatever. This is what my wife hates. Abby, I need the time alone, undisturbed, and have felt much better since I started doing it. I also enjoy having the kids alone without my wife constantly interrupting or contradicting me.
My wife will sometimes stay around the house on her "alone" weekend and try to interfere even though she's not even supposed to have dinner with us or be involved in any way when it's my weekend with the kids.
How can I get her to understand how much this means to me? How can I get her to get a life? She hates camping and fishing. Please answer soon because she's driving me and the kids crazy on my weekend with them. -- NEEDS TIME OUT IN SACRAMENTO
DEAR NEEDS TIME OUT: Your wife already understands how much your separate time means to you -- and she finds that threatening. What's sad is that the harder she clings and tries to control, the more uncomfortable she's making you and the further she's driving you away.
Some individual counseling to resolve her insecurity would be helpful. If she refuses, I see difficult times ahead.