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by Abigail Van Buren

Mom Measures Her Reaction to Daughter's Lost Virginity

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old daughter left her journal open on her bed and, being nosy, I read the page that was open. She had written that she had lost her virginity to her boyfriend.

We have stressed to her how important it is to save herself for marriage, but it looks like she decided not to. She had a friend who just found out she was pregnant three months ago. I can't believe this didn't make my daughter think a little bit more about it.

Should I confront her about what I read, or let it slide? It's tearing me up inside because she was brought up with better values than this.

We have always been very close and she usually talks to me about everything. Well, at least I thought she did. Any advice? -- MISSOURI MOM

DEAR MOM: Your daughter may have left the book open in order to open the door to discussion with you. She probably didn't know how to break the news to you any other way and feared your reaction.

How you deal with this is very important. Do not attack her and do not scold. Talk calmly; tell her you are disappointed and why. Then review why it is important for her to use every precaution if she is going to be sexually active. Use her friend as an example. I suspect your daughter already knows she has gone further than she should have and now regrets it.