To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column for more than 40 years. My father's time was always tight because he had many responsibilities, but there was always lots of quality time. Instead of storybooks, he would read your column in the newspaper with me and my siblings. We loved answering the questions and then seeing if we agreed or disagreed with your answers.
Dad is gone now, and I miss him and need him. You could help to fill that void if you would reprint on Father's Day the beautiful poem, "I Had a Father Who Talked With Me," by Hilda Bigelow. It is a source of inspiration and guidance for active fathers. -- CHRIS KURTEK-MELCHIORRE, LOS ANGELES
DEAR CHRIS: That's a wonderful suggestion. The last time the poem appeared in my column was in 1993. Its author, who lives in Cocoa, Fla., described herself as "just a retired schoolteacher." I'm sure you'll agree that she's not only modest, but also an able writer. Read on:
I HAD A FATHER WHO TALKED TO ME
I had a father who talked with me --
Allowed me the right to disagree,
To question -- and always answered me,
As well he could -- and truthfully.
He talked of adventures; horrors of war;
Of life, its meaning; what love was for;
How each would always need to strive
To improve the world to keep it alive.
Stressed the duty we owe one another
To be aware each man is a brother.
Words for laughter he also spoke,
A silly song or a happy joke.
Time runs along, some say I'm wise,
That I look at life with seeing eyes.
My heart is happy, my mind is free,
I had a father who talked with me.
DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from Victoria Rowell and Alonzo Mourning about foster children, I couldn't help but wipe away the tears. I never dreamed that so many children are in need of a caring adult's love and guidance.
You mentioned mentoring in your reply. I am very interested in mentoring a child. While I am unable to provide full-time care to a foster child, I know I could mentor one -- or even two. Where can I find information about doing this? How can I connect with a child who needs what I have to offer? -- WANTS TO HELP IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR WANTS TO HELP: Bless you for your caring heart. I know there must be many people who cannot be full-time foster parents, but who could manage a couple of days a month to bond with a child and provide the kind of encouragement that will enable the child to strive for success.
Mentoring doesn't have to be a big production; take a child to the zoo, a sporting event, an art gallery, into your home and into your heart. These are children who, through no fault of their own, often float from place to place. They have no adult figure to give them a continuity of caring. They need an adult they can trust and confide in, to steer them in the right direction, and rekindle the belief that success is possible and that goals are worth aspiring to.
Readers, those of you who would like to mentor a foster child should call 1-888-432-MENTor (1-888-432-6368), which is sponsored by "Children Uniting Nations," to locate a program in your local area. (Note: For the safety of the children, all applicants are rigorously screened.) If you qualify, I guarantee you'll receive more than you give when you see that child blossom.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
DEAR ABBY: I love the letters you print about acts of kindness and would like to share my story with you.
It was 1976, and my husband, two daughters and I drove our new truck to Colorado to visit relatives and buy some heavy equipment. After the truck was loaded up, my husband became very ill and had to go to the hospital. My oldest daughter and I had to return to California for our jobs. The doctor told us that when my husband was well enough to leave the hospital, he would have to fly home. So we left him in the hospital and headed home in his truck, which we had driven very little.
We were driving down the highway, and there were many 18-wheeler trucks along the way. We had a CB radio in the vehicle, which we left on. A truck driver asked us what the "Mother Bear and two Baby Bears" were doing driving all by themselves. He was helpful with information on traffic and weather, etc., which was a blessing because a storm was coming. When the first driver was ready to turn off in another direction, he sent word to another truck driver to watch over us! It was very comforting for us as we traveled.
Many times when I read about truck drivers, I remember the wonderful people we encountered on our trip home and wish we could have thanked them for their help. -- BEVERLY KRUEGER
DEAR BEVERLY: Consider it done. Truck driving is hard work that requires patience and total concentration for long stretches of time. The people who do it are a special breed, and my hat is off to them. You were fortunate that these "angels of the highway" took you under their wing.
DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband, "Monty," and I divorced six years ago after 20 years of marriage. Monty had a history of being unfaithful. Two years ago he married one of his girlfriends.
I hear through the grapevine that Monty is unhappy in his marriage. He appears to be going out of his way to "run" into me. When I see him he's friendly and acts like we're still together.
I never wanted a divorce, Abby, and the truth is –- I never stopped loving him. What do I do now? –- EX IN TEXAS
DEAR EX: The next time you run into Monty and he acts as if you're still together, remind him that you're not -– but you could be if he calls you when his divorce is final.
It remains to be seen whether the rumors on the grapevine are true. If they turn out to be true, and you really want a marriage with your former husband, make sure that you get to the root of the reason for his cheating and your breakup the first time around. Counseling would be a way to ensure it.
DEAR ABBY: I am 17. My boyfriend graduated from high school this year and soon will be leaving for college far away. I plan to visit him during school breaks and during the summer. I want us to become engaged and be married after I graduate next year.
Abby, how do I know that is the right thing –- that he is ready for marriage –- and that I will not get rejected? –- SCARED IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR SCARED: Curb your fear and don't pressure him. This is an opportunity for you both to grow as individuals. Neither of you should tie yourself down at this point in your lives.
Marriage requires stability, maturity and experience. The next few years are going to be important ones for both of you. If you push too hard for a commitment, he may resent you for it and pull away.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
CALLERS TO PSYCHIC HOTLINES ARE ADVISED TO HANG IT UP
DEAR ABBY: I recently moved to Minneapolis from south Florida, where I had worked as a telephone psychic. The money was great. However, I now live in an area where I actually know my neighbors, and I feel very guilty about my previous line of work.
We "psychics" were really just saleswomen. We convinced callers that we knew something about their future. The callers were both men and women, and they really believed what we fed them. I feel doubly bad remembering how when business was slow, we laughed about the "pathetic losers" who were calling us. Some of them, I know, spent most of their daily wages on those phone calls.
I can't do anything to make up for my past sins, but please, Abby, warn callers of psychic hotlines that they are dealing with people with no more knowledge of the future than they themselves have -- probably less.
If they need someone to talk to, they should access the Internet. They'll be dealing with people just like us -- but it won't be nearly as costly. -– PAM THE SINNER, MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR P.T. SINNER: Those who call are not "pathetic losers"; the losers are those who take advantage of unsuspecting people searching for validation or encouragement.
I'm pleased you have turned over a new leaf. There's nothing like being inundated with good, solid Midwestern values to help a sinner see the error of her (or his) ways. There is plenty you can do to make up for your past sins. I have a terrific idea for you. Use your talent to save lives. Since you're good on the telephone, sign up for training and volunteer for a crisis hotline. The psychic rewards are phenomenal.
DEAR ABBY: I am enclosing a poem that I wrote for my father. With Father's Day approaching, you might like to share it with your readers. -– NATHAN HELLMAN, WHITESTONE, N.Y.
DEAR NATHAN: Your poem touched my heart, and I'm sure it will do the same with my readers as well. Read on:
DAD
They tell you to believe
In your teacher
In your doctor
In the president.
But for me
The one I always believed in
Was my dad.
He was always there for me.
With him in my corner,
I was invincible.
Now he's gone.
They tell me about all the good deeds he did.
But for me
His greatness
Isn't captured in words or deed.
It's found in what he meant to me
And how I felt
When he was around.
CONFIDENTIAL TO THE WIFE OF THE ABUSER IN FLORIDA: You have suffered enough. Make your plans and leave. Do not alert him beforehand. If he hasn't shaped up in more than 50 years, he's not likely to change now. I wish you the best of luck. You deserve it.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)