DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a beautiful 3-year-old daughter I'll call Bonnie. She's the result of artificial insemination, as my husband is unable to father a child. Our little girl is our pride and joy.
We cannot decide if or how to tell Bonnie that my husband is not her biological father. Is it necessary to tell her at all, and if so, when and how? My fear is that Bonnie will reject her dad if she finds out.
I am assuming there would be no health-related need for our daughter to know, as semen donors are supposed to be screened for inherited diseases, but I guess you never
know.
My feminine intuition tells me we should tell her the truth. I know there must be a lot of parents out there who have dealt with this issue -– or will face it in the future. I would appreciate any input I can get.
Please don't use my name. Very few people know that my husband did not father our daughter. Just sign me ... FLORIDA MOM
DEAR FLORIDA MOM: My feminine intuition –- and common sense -– tells me that your daughter should be told. You stated that "very few people know the truth." When more than two people know a secret, it's usually no longer a secret. It's better that she hear it from you and your husband.
Your daughter should be told when she is old enough to understand the mechanics and all of the implications of artificial insemination –- including the pain and frustration of wanting your own child and being unable to have one.