To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: It seems every week I am reminded in some form or another that teachers are the least respected, least compensated, most noble persons in our country. Exalted by politicians and the media, they are consistently portrayed in a positive manner. I believe this is deserved. They have a tough job with great responsibility.
However, Abby, there are other professions just as noble. I am a registered nurse, and along with police officers and firefighters, we do not receive the respect that teachers do. We perform tasks that no one else would want to do. We see people at their worst and are often the target of other people's frustrations.
Nurses do not get summers off, and few of us are home on holidays. Hospitals must be staffed 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The pay is fair, but the work is extremely stressful. As health-care spending decreases, nurses are asked to do more and more. The rate of back injuries among nurses is well above the national average. Many nurses suffer from "burnout" each year and transfer to other professions.
Like doctors, nurses must have continuous training in order to stay up-to-date on the latest medical treatments and protocols.
At least once in our lives, every one of us can remember being helped by a nurse. Please, Abby, tell your readers that if they know a nurse, to give him or her a hug. Take the nurse to lunch and tell that person just how special he or she is. -- PROUD TO BE AN R.N.
DEAR PROUD: Thank you for reminding my readers -- and me -- how terrific and dedicated nurses are. I urge everyone to give nurses the attention and praise they deserve during National Nurses' Week, May 6-12, 2001, and EVERY day.
DEAR ABBY: I feel like I'm in a free fall. I'm unemployed and attending school to better myself. I'm living with a girl I care about, but she has a child, and I am at a point in my life where I'm still trying to discover what I want.
I don't want to hurt this child in any way, but I've found someone else I would like to spend time with. I don't want to deceive my girlfriend, but if I tell her about the other woman, she'll kick me out of her house and I'll have no place to live.
Abby, I need to find out where I want my life to go, but I also want to make the right choices. What should I do? -- FRED IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR FRED: First, get a part-time job. Second, start looking for your own place to live -- perhaps student housing. Third, level with the woman with whom you're living. The sooner you are out of there, the better it will be for everyone. To stay and pretend you are committed to her and her child when you're not is dishonest and deceitful.
DEAR ABBY: Here's one for your "Can you top this?" file. A friend planned a 50th birthday party for his wife. He hired a male stripper to "entertain" the guests.
His mother was terminally ill, but gave her approval for the party to take place whether she was alive or not. Shortly before the party, she died. The party took place before she was buried. The only change was that the guests were asked to wear black. -- WHADDAYA THINK IN SEATTLE?
DEAR WHADDAYA: Even the strippers?
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are the parents of two beautiful children, ages 6 and 7. My husband was divorced twice before we married. There were no children from my husband's prior marriages, and he has no contact with his former spouses.
I think we need to tell our children about his prior marriages in the next year or two, because his older nieces know about the divorces and could tell our children. My husband feels there's no need to tell the children unless they ask us directly.
Should we tell our children about the prior marriages, and if so, at what age? What can we say to them so that they won't be upset or feel insecure because of this family secret? Please advise. -- WHAT TO DO IN TENNESSEE
DEAR WHAT: Tell them now. Don't wait. When more than two people know a secret, it is no longer a secret. Since extended family members know about the prior marriages, the news should come from you and your husband rather than someone else. It would be wrong to keep this "open secret" from the children whom it will potentially affect the most. If they hear it from a relative, they may wonder how many other secrets have been kept from them. Don't worry about how to phrase it. Just say it took two strikes before Dad was able to hit a home run.
DEAR ABBY: This letter is for all those women who remain in loveless marriages "for the sake of the children" like I did. I wanted my children to have an intact family.
I said I would leave when my children were grown, but by then my husband had health problems, and I had responsibilities.
Intact family? That's a laugh. My children constantly fight among themselves and are disrespectful to me because that's how their father behaved.
Abby, I'm middle-aged and worn out. I wish I could divorce them all. If I had had the courage and common sense to leave when I was young enough to start over, I might now have some peace and tranquility. I gave away my life for nothing.
There isn't always a tomorrow. Sign me ... NO NAME, NO CITY, NO HOPE, NO LIFE
DEAR NO NO NO NO: If you're having a bad day, you have my sympathy. If you are being literal, and you still have your health, listen up! Being middle-aged isn't too late to make some therapeutic changes on your own behalf. It's not too late to find respite care for your husband while you take classes and sharpen the skills you'll need to make a life of your own and support yourself if necessary. Make one positive move on your own behalf, and I guarantee you'll make many others. It's only "too late" when you draw your last breath.
DEAR ABBY: I, too, am fed up with phone calls from telemarketers, so I wrote a poem and have used it several times. It has proven quite effective. After I recite the poem and the telemarketers become aware of my age, they hang up.
This is my poem:
"I have lived threescore and ten
"Paying bills that never end --
"I need no more bills to pay,
"So please hang up and --
"Have a nice day!"
Abby, it has worked so far. -- S.D.G., NEW ORLEANS
DEAR S.D.G.:
I am pleased it's worked for you.
But something else that you must do
Is have them take you off their list.
And if they argue -- you insist.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
LONELY TEEN-AGER CAN'T SEE HER LIFE WITHOUT EX-BOYFRIEND
DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old girl who has been with my boyfriend for two years. He recently broke up with me, and I'm devastated. He told me he did it because I deserve better, and he believes there's someone else out there who will make me happier. Those were his exact words.
Abby, he was everything to me -- my best friend, my lover. From the bottom of my heart, I know he was meant for me. He's the only man I can picture myself with.
I am really depressed. He doesn't even call anymore. How do I move on when I don't want to be without him? Please give me some advice. -- ALONE AND IN LOVE
DEAR ALONE: When a man (or woman) ends a relationship with the excuse that someone "deserves better," be grateful for the candor. He or she is probably right.
It's time to move on. Stop playing "your" song, put mementos out of sight and refuse to be a victim. Take a class, join a gym, spend time with your friends. Do not allow yourself the time to brood. Trust me, it works!
DEAR ABBY: My sister has three children, ages 7, 5 and 6 months. Her husband works nights and doesn't return home until morning.
In order to get some exercise, my sister walks in the morning. She leaves her kids alone in the house, and takes a baby monitor with her. She insists that she stays within sight of her house.
I don't want to tell my sister how to parent, but I feel this is a safety issue. She won't listen to her younger sister, but says she'll listen to you. Please, Abby, give her your opinion. -- CONCERNED SISTER IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SISTER: I don't blame you for being concerned. Leaving children 7, 5 and 6 months old alone is negligence. If an emergency were to occur while she was away from the house, none of the children would be capable of dealing with it. The possibilities -- poisoning, choking, a fall -- are frightening.
Your sister needs to establish a weekly routine whereby someone can be there to tend her children while she de-stresses.
DEAR ABBY: I strongly disagree with your advice to "Lonely Husband in Oklahoma." You advised him to get a puppy for his stepdaughter so she would sleep in her own bed instead of her mother's bed.
Abby, a puppy is a lifelong commitment that should never be entered into as a solution for a family problem. Please don't recommend that a puppy be used as a kind of animated teddy bear. A puppy is a live animal that requires attention and care, and the girl is too young to take responsibility for that animal's emotional and physical welfare for the entire life of the dog.
When a child sleeps with a parent to the detriment of the parent's marriage, it is a red flag that the family dynamics are askew. Sometimes parents who are divorced or in a bad relationship use their children as a surrogate mate. Other times, children in a one-parent home feel powerful and secure sleeping with the parent and are loathe to surrender the power to a new husband they may perceive as an intruder. I recommend "Lonely Husband" and his wife get into a program of marriage counseling, and perhaps family counseling that includes the stepdaughter. -- SIDNEY LONG, NEWPORT, R.I.
DEAR SIDNEY: You are absolutely right. Mea culpa. (You're the cat's meow!)
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)