DEAR ABBY: I wrote the following note to my 40-year-old daughter:
"Please tell me how we can improve our relationship. It is important that you know how much I want us to have a more normal mother-daughter dialogue. Please tell me what you would have me do and how you want me to go about it. We need to act reasonably, rationally and honestly to resolve our differences. I pray you will agree. It would be so good for both of us."
My daughter replied:
"You already know what to do. I have been asking for the last 10 years. Pay off my old debts with no questions asked. These accounts are 10 years old. I barely get by with my day-to-day expenses. It is obvious that I'll never be able to pay these off myself. So give me the best Christmas and 40th birthday present I could ever have: freedom from debt, and good credit. Once that is done, we will be able to talk about having a better relationship."
Abby, I have helped my daughter financially over the years. She has never invited me to her apartment or prepared me a meal. She has a master's degree in public administration and works for the state.
We have had counseling. I told her I would be happy to pay a financial planner to help her get her life in order, but I would be doing her a disservice by paying her bills. What do you think? -- BEWILDERED IN FLORIDA
DEAR BEWILDERED: I think you have raised a daughter whose sense of entitlement boggles the mind. What you received was an extortion letter. I hope you won't give in to her demands. The solution you are willing to provide for her financial problems makes much more sense than bailing her out again. Stick to your guns and do not allow yourself to be blackmailed. Whatever is wrong with your relationship will not be resolved by giving her money.