DEAR ABBY: My mother is divorced and currently dating "Scott," a golf pro. He lives with another woman I'll call Alice. When Scott and my mother met in a bar a year ago, he was honest about the fact he was living with someone. Alice is the woman Scott left his wife for. They moved here together from another state. However, he told my mother his relationship with Alice was essentially over and he was waiting for the "right time" to leave.
According to Scott, he owns no furniture or household appliances, and the truck he drives is in Alice's name. He says if he had any assets his ex-wife would claim them. He's not even listed in our local phone book.
My sisters and I see red flags and have warned Mother. She ordered us to stay out of her life. Mother believes if she holds out long enough, Scott will leave Alice and come running to her. She believes everything he says.
This has caused a huge rift in our family. I know Mother doesn't want to be alone, but her desperate attempts to turn this "romance" into something lasting frighten me. She did give Scott an ultimatum about leaving Alice, which he did briefly, and then returned to her -- but Mother continues to see him.
I don't understand why Mother isn't angry and has so little pride and self-respect. It has taken all my strength not to call Alice and tell her what is going on. Scott is taking advantage of TWO women.
Abby, am I way off base, or does this situation have all the makings of a disaster? -- LOVE IS BLIND AND STUPID IN MILWAUKEE
DEAR LOVE IS BLIND: Your mother knows the risk she is taking. She is after a swinger with a serious "handicap." Sadly, even if she wins, she's going to wind up with a loser.
Please try not to judge her harshly. If you can, involve her in activities where she might meet someone eligible who shares her interests. Then cross your fingers and pray.
DEAR ABBY: I am married. I love my husband, but I kissed another man. I feel awful about this. It was crazy, but I enjoyed the momentary escape from reality. Any advice on how to deal with this? -- FEELING GUILTY IN MICHIGAN
DEAR FEELING GUILTY: What you did was impulsive, foolish and risky, and sent the wrong message to the man involved. Before it happens again -- and you feel even worse -- please schedule some sessions with a counselor to find out what made you vulnerable to this indiscretion.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are looking forward to entertaining in our home. Neither of us drinks alcohol, and we prefer not to have any in our home. Can you help us with an appropriate way to communicate that to our guests? -- T. TOTALLER IN ST. LOUIS
DEAR T.: Actions speak louder than words. An appropriate way to get your message across is simply to serve a variety of tasty, non-alcoholic beverages at your gatherings.
If one of your guests mentions it, don't hesitate to tell that person exactly what you have told me. In your home, you make the rules.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
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