To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Make Days of Your Life Count by Resolving to Live Them Well
DEAR READERS: My New Year's column has become an annual tradition. These New Year's resolutions are based on the original credo of Al-Anon with the addition of some variations of my own.
Just for today, I will live through this day only, and not set far-reaching goals to try to overcome all my problems at once. I know I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I thought I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today, I will be happy. Abraham Lincoln said, "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." He was right. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. I will chase them out of my mind and replace them with happy thoughts.
Just for today, I will adjust myself to what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.
Just for today, I will improve my mind. I will not be a mental loafer. I will force myself to read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
Just for today, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll make an honest effort to quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat nothing I know to be fattening. And I will force myself to exercise -- even if it's only walking around the block or using the stairs instead of the elevator.
Just for today, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will look as good as I can, dress becomingly, speak softly, act courteously, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll try not to improve anybody except myself.
We know so much more about nutrition and how much exercise and sensible living can extend life and make it more enjoyable; so just for today, I'll take good care of my body so I can celebrate many more happy new years.
Just for today, I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it, thereby saving myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
Just for today, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.
To one and all: A happy, healthy New Year! -- LOVE, ABBY
P.S. God bless our men and women in uniform in every corner of the world where our flag is flying. And let us not forget those patriotic Americans who are serving their country in the Peace Corps, as well as those who have served and are now in veterans hospitals and nursing homes.
And as we begin this bright, shiny new year, consider these "Thoughts for the Day" by the philosopher Sri Sathya Sai Baba:
"If there is righteousness in the heart, there will be beauty in the character.
"If there be beauty in the character, there will be harmony in the home.
"If there is harmony in the home, there will be order in the nation.
"When there is order in the nation, there will peace in the world."
MOTHER IS NOW A MILLIONAIRE, AND FAMILY CAN'T GET ENOUGH
DEAR ABBY: Because of a serious illness that resulted from taking a certain medication, I recently received a settlement of more than a million dollars. I have invested most of the money, and have a cash flow sufficient to take care of emergencies and a few luxuries. I must make sure that these funds will cover medical expenses for the remainder of my life.
Ever since I received the settlement, my family (children, parents and siblings) think I'm very rich and that my money is their money, too. They constantly ask me to bail them out of one financial mess or another, or to buy them luxury items. I have helped them out of tight spots in the past, but they have always squandered their money and have never saved a dime for the future.
I go to bed each night sick to my stomach because of the guilt trips they put me through when I refuse their requests for money. They expect me to pay for everything.
Abby, am I being selfish? -- S.F. IN COLORADO
DEAR S.F.: No, you are being prudent. Instead of giving them money, encourage your relatives to enroll in credit counseling or money-management courses offered at many colleges. Remember the adage: "Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach him to fish and he'll eat for life." Continually bailing out family members is doing them no favor. Take care of your own needs and let them take care of theirs.
DER ABBY: There is a girl at work I really like. She is not only physically attractive, but her interests are also similar to mine.
Recently we had lunch together. I gave her a rose and a card with a short message telling her how terrific she is. She read the card after we had our lunch, and the next day I asked her what she thought of it. She told me she "loved it," and complimented me on my spelling and grammar.
I really like her, but she recently ended a long-time relationship, and I don't want to put her on the spot. How can I find out if she likes me as more than a friend, without hurting our existing friendship? -- IN LOVE ON LONG ISLAND
DEAR IN LOVE: She has already conveyed an important message. Since she commented only on your spelling and grammar -- and not the message in the note you sent her -- she's interested only in a platonic relationship.
DEAR ABBY: I thought maybe your readers would be interested in something I thought of the other day. At one minute and one second after 1 o'clock in the morning on Jan. 1, 2001, the numbers will look like this: 01:01:01, 01/01/01. It won't happen again for 1,000 years! Pretty cool, huh? -- CHRISTY DAY, MOBILE, ALA.
DEAR CHRISTY: Way cool, and a new beginning.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Happy New Year! While enjoying New Year's Eve festivities, please remember: If you drink, don't drive; if you drive, don't drink!
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Family Moves Out of Sight, Not Out of Relatives' Minds
DEAR ABBY: My husband's sister is always asking us to send his parents money. She's married, their children are grown, her husband receives a pension, and they both work full time. My husband earns a good living and I am a stay-at-home mom. We have three sons, ages 11, 13 and 16. We live out-of-state and every year his parents visit us for a month. Their airline tickets and other expenses are entirely paid by us.
Our extra money goes toward the children's college education or my husband's 401(k) plan. He doesn't have a pension plan. We've been saving for years and still don't have half the tuition money we will need for our sons' college.
My husband's father also gets a pension. He and his wife both receive Social Security and own their own home. They seem to have enough money to travel other places several times a year.
We have raised our children without any support from his family. They helped his sister financially when her children were small. When the grandmother died recently, his sister got jewelry, crystal and silver. My husband got nothing.
We moved out-of-state five years ago to get away from them. His father still calls him and wants to know when we're visiting because "the chores are piling up." My husband loves his parents, but he feels used and hurt -- and so do I.
I believe our first responsibility is to our children. We have told his family "no" for years, but they still want more and more from us. Any suggestions? -- FED UP IN FLORIDA
DEAR FED UP: Yes. Just keep saying no.
DEAR ABBY: I am 5 feet tall and weigh about 130 pounds. I'm almost 12 and don't like the way I look.
Do you know of a healthy, free diet that really works? I exercise daily and take dance classes, run, walk and ride my bike all the time. I try not to eat too much junk food, but I'm still so huge I can't stand it. Please help me. -- MARY IN HULL, MASS.
DEAR MARY: At 11 years of age, you have not yet reached your full height, so before condemning yourself for the way you look, please take that into consideration, and be less hard on yourself. Weight isn't put on overnight, and it's not lost overnight, either.
Before embarking on any diet, you should be seen by your doctor to determine your general health and to discuss what is the proper diet and amount of exercise you should be getting. Please show this letter to your mother. It is important that she understands how much this issue means to you.
DEAR ABBY: I was touched by the letter you printed about wedding bands of departed loved ones. We were a married couple for 47 years and never had our bands off our fingers.
When my husband was "promoted" to heaven, my daughter suggested that since I had placed his ring on his finger, I should remove it, so I did.
Life will never be the same for me, but I appreciate wearing his wedding band next to mine. No polishing or size change -- just a guard inside to make it fit close to mine. -- A SAN DIEGO WIDOW
DEAR SAN DIEGO WIDOW: Wearing an item of clothing that belonged to a departed loved one can be comforting to the wearer. It's logical that wearing a piece of jewelry would do the same. I'm sure your husband would be pleased.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)