DEAR ABBY: I am being married in October, and something is really bothering me. I have a 14-year-old daughter -- and she is a big problem, but not the only problem.
A few weeks ago, I received a phone call from my fiance's mother. She told me the only reason I want to marry her son is for his money. Abby, we have lived together for more than a year. To this day I don't know what he earns or what he has in the bank, and I don't want to know. What she said was extremely hurtful. I never have been and never will be a gold digger. My fiance knows that. She also told me that if he married me, my daughter will receive nothing in his will.
My fiance is now telling me that because he doesn't want my daughter to get any of his money, he wants to get a prenuptial agreement. I don't have a problem with that -- but here's the deal: If we get divorced, I'll get nothing. That's OK with me. But if anything happens to him, I will also be left with nothing -- everything will go to his sons.
Abby, is it wrong of me to want some security for my old age? This is something I didn't think I would have to think about, but now I do. Either way I am being made to look like a gold digger. I'm so hurt I don't know how to deal with it. I love this man with all my heart, but I'm lost and don't know what to do. Please help. -- CRYING IN DEARBORN, MICH.
DEAR CRYING: Dry your tears and take heart. As much as you love this man, you need to consult a lawyer. A prenuptial agreement has to be acceptable to both parties, and you must be represented by an impartial lawyer so that it isn't signed under "duress." The document should offer you some protection, so that you won't be blindsided at some future date.
Discuss with your lawyer whether or not your fiance should sign a similar agreement that plainly outlines what he expects his financial obligations to you will be.
He should be as willing to sign such an agreement as you are. After all, business is a two-way street and there's nothing shameful about it.
DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from "Must I Share Everything?" whose husband likes to hang out with her and her girlfriends. May I comment?
I am a 34-year-old woman who is thrilled to have a husband who feels comfortable with my friends. In fact, a couple of weeks ago I had a Pampered Chef party with 25 ladies -- and my husband was the hit of the evening! He had a great time and was even nicknamed "Oven Boy" because he was in charge of putting the food in the oven for the demonstrator. I didn't even mind when my friends wanted to go into the kitchen to check out "Oven Boy's 'buns.'"
That lady should count her blessings. I know I do every day. After all, doesn't it make sense that your "best friend" should get along with your other friends? -- LUCKIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD, MIDLOTHIAN, ILL.
DEAR LUCKIEST GIRL: I agree completely. I'd rather have my friends checking out my Oven Boy's buns than trying to find my Turkey who couldn't relate to any of them.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
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