DEAR ABBY: My son, "Marty," and his wife, "Darla," recently spent a week with me in my home. I worked very hard to make their visit enjoyable. One evening I planned a lovely dinner. After we finished, I asked Darla if she would help me clear the table. She looked at me as if I had mortally wounded her -- and walked out of the room!
Later, I approached Marty and told him how upset I was over Darla's behavior. He replied, "This isn't the 1950s, Mom. She doesn't have to help." He also said that Darla was never taught to express appreciation and wasn't raised to do housework. (She didn't lift a finger the entire week.)
That was three weeks ago. I haven't heard a word from them since they left. Was I wrong in asking my daughter-in-law to help? -- UPSET MOM IN FLORIDA
DEAR UPSET: Certainly not. And I hope your son didn't just sit there, since I assume you raised him to lend a hand when there's a job to be done.
You are not going to change Darla. The next time they visit, go to restaurants or buy take-out food and serve it on paper plates.
I hope that when you pay them a visit, they pamper you as you pampered them -- but don't hold your breath. As tempting as it would be not to lift a finger, I know it's not in your DNA to play the helpless houseguest.