What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
High Frequency Warning Beep Doesn't Register With Seniors
DEAR ABBY: Have you noticed how often people fail to get out of the way of electric carts used to transport people who can't walk long distances at airports? It isn't pure cussedness. It's because the "warning beep" used by these carts is near a sound frequency that cannot be easily processed by the human ear. (See: "How We Localize Sound" by W.M. Hartmann in the November 1999 issue of Physics Today.) Thus, airline commuters cannot tell where the sound is coming from, which is hazardous to both walkers and riders.
This is actually a common engineering blunder. The "beep" to announce an incoming fax on a computer modem and the beep of a modern range timer are both typically at a pitch just above the hearing range of a host of older people. The back-up beeper on trucks and heavy equipment is also in the same frequency range. (The higher sound frequencies are usually the first to go.)
We all know that engineers are set in their ways, but perhaps a wake-up call from you will jolt them out of their ruts. -- JACK SALISBURY, PALM COAST, FLA.
DEAR JACK: Yes, I have observed pedestrians failing to get out of the way of carts at airports -- but I had assumed it was because they were electric vehicles and didn't make much noise. Of course, the drivers of those vehicles usually wind up warning pedestrians to "step aside!"
However, assuming that engineers responsible for designing modern equipment are younger people in full possession of all their faculties, your letter should serve as a reminder that our population is aging, a condition frequently accompanied by some degree of hearing loss.
DEAR ABBY: Regarding the letter from John Gabel about funerals and death -- I find it interesting as a funeral director that there seems to be a "funeral police" who dictate what everybody should want for final services for their loved ones. There are no "wedding police" telling people that they need not have elaborate weddings or that just a simple dress will do.
Those who seek to change ceremony and tradition have the opportunity to change their own ceremony and tradition, because that is what is right for them.
Many people think if they don't have a funeral or memorial service, they are not expressing or feeling the grief that comes from losing a loved one. To use your words ... how absurd.
As in any industry, there are those who seek for themselves by any means to make a huge profit. However, thousands of funeral directors and funeral homes are caring and helpful to those who have lost a loved one. They do not "stalk" people for their money, and they do not "guilt" people into spending money they don't have. They seek to make an honest living and to be able to sleep at night knowing they have done the right thing.
There is no other profession so maligned as those who work to comfort those who have lost a loved one. -- PROUD OF MY PROFESSION, EUGENE, ORE.
DEAR PROUD: After printing that letter I received a stack of mail from members of the funeral industry reminding me that many funeral homes take pride in serving their communities and do not gouge. Their staff are on duty day and night to meet the needs of grieving families and rightfully take pride in what they do. I also received a few letters from people wanting to air grievances because they felt they had been taken advantage of.
The answer lies in being informed consumers, facing the fact of our mortality, and perhaps taking care of the details before the need arises. An important part of that process is being open with one's family about what one's wishes are, and what arrangements have or have not been made.
Toddler's Accidental Death Ends Another Life as Well
DEAR ABBY: I have started this letter to you a hundred times, but have never been able to finish it. I hope you will print it.
When I was 16, my mother had a baby -- my only sister. Mom was almost 40 and my brother was 12. After we adjusted to the shock, my sister became the joy of our life. Her smile could banish the gloomies, and she was a treasure to us all.
Sadly, less than two years later (only three weeks after my high school graduation), my best friend -- who lived next door -- accidentally backed her car over my sister, killing her instantly. My little sister had escaped from our back yard without our family's knowledge. It was the worst day of my life, and worse still for my friend. My parents did their best to comfort her, but her large family included her own baby sister who was nearly the same age as mine and was a constant reminder of the tragedy.
Abby, people drive through our neighborhood far too fast. I want to run after them and shout, "Don't you know you could never stop at this speed if a child ran in front of your car? Don't you know that if you kill a child, there will be two deaths? Your life will be over, too."
My family recovered from my sister's death, but my friend never did. The accident ruined her life. She had been at the top of her class, and everyone expected a bright future for her. Instead, she lived through failed counseling, broken marriages, and her career crashed -- all because of a tragic accident that wasn't her fault. She just couldn't forgive herself.
At our 20th high-school reunion, a former classmate asked me, "Hey, whatever happened to that girl who killed that kid?" I responded, "That girl was our class secretary and my best friend, and that kid was my sister."
Please remind your readers that no car needs a heavy foot on the gas while navigating a residential area. And for good measure, before starting a car, walk the long way around to the driver's door so you can check behind the vehicle. Investing a few extra seconds for safety may save a precious child's life -- and your own as well. -- LONELY SISTER IN CHESAPEAKE, VA.
P.S. If you print this, I will clip it and anonymously mail it to a couple of neighbors -- mothers who should know better than to race around our neighborhood.
DEAR LONELY SISTER: I'm printing your letter for all to see. Your message is one I hope every driver will take to heart.
DEAR ABBY: My partner and I, who are in our 50s, have two terrific friends who are in their 30s. They are generous, considerate and polite, but have a habit that drives us crazy. Whenever they visit, we usually wind up in the kitchen where they sit their backsides on the counter to talk and visit. There are chairs and barstools in the area. Proper seating should not be a problem.
Are we being old-fashioned or is this impolite? If so, how do we correct the situation? -- HOMER IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR HOMER: Your friends are used to a more casual kind of hospitality than you are used to extending. As long as their backsides are covered, I see nothing wrong with their sitting on the counter. However, since it offends you, request that your guests seat themselves where you prefer. (An alternative would be to spray the counter with bleach before they arrive ... only kidding!)
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Sexually Active Teens Must Take Responsibility for Health
DEAR ABBY: I am a third-year medical student completing my pediatrics rotation. I recently saw a 14-year-old girl who thought she might be pregnant because she was experiencing symptoms of morning sickness. As her mother and I listened, she described having had unprotected sex for several months.
I knew she needed a pregnancy test, pelvic exam, a Pap smear to check for cervical cancer, and special tests for various sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). When I explained this to the patient and her mother, they both seemed shocked that we could perform a pelvic exam on such a young teen. (There are smaller instruments made especially for younger girls.) It took much reassurance before we could proceed.
Abby, please inform sexually active teen-age girls that they need a pelvic exam and Pap smear AT LEAST once a year. The best time to start is BEFORE having sex so the teen can learn about "safe sex" -- and lower the risk of pregnancy and STDs.
Most states allow teen-agers to receive confidential medical care and information regarding contraception, pregnancy and STDs without parental permission. Teens can seek free or low-cost treatment from local health departments and family planning clinics.
Of course, sexual activity involves more than one person. Teen-age boys also need to take responsibility for their health and the health of their partners.
If teens are too embarrassed to talk to medical providers about preventing pregnancy and STDs, they are too young and immature to have sex. -- MED STUDENT IN RICHMOND, VA.
DEAR MED STUDENT: I agree. Thank you for your information and insight. It's unfortunate that many young adults engage in sexual relationships for which they are neither physically nor emotionally ready. They need to know it's all right to say no. A mature sexual relationship involves not only taking care of oneself, but also taking care of the partner.
P.S. You are going to be a wonderful doctor!
DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and have written a poem. The facts in this poem are real. This happened to someone I know. -- SAD FOR MY FRIEND IN L.A.
DEAR SAD: Your poem is an eye-opener, and I'm sure it will generate comment.
SHE'S 13 YEARS OLD
She used to tell me, "When you are ready." "Take your time." "Don't rush things." "Enjoy life as it is."
Look who's talking ...
She's 13 years old and she's having a baby.
She would say, "It won't happen to me. I'm smart
and I won't make the wrong decisions."
Now look at who's the smart one ...
She's 13 years old and she's having a baby.
She would say, "It'll be so much fun in high school. I'm going to go to all the dances and proms."
Now she'll be stuck at home because ...
She's 13 years old and she's having a baby.
She would say, "I'll go to all the parties and stay out until 2:00 in the morning."
She'll be home at 2:00 in the morning, trying to keep her baby from crying.
She's 13 years old and she's having a baby.
She would say, "My baby will grow up with a father. Not like me."
Now where's the father? He's moving out of state.
She's 13 years old and she's having a baby ... alone.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)