To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Better Business Bureau Won't Give Credit Where It Isn't Due
DEAR ABBY: Please do your readers a service by cautioning them to phone the Better Business Bureau whenever they receive a "great" offer they are considering accepting.
I received a notice from a legitimate-sounding credit card company ("member of FDIC") in Scottsdale, Ariz., saying that I was "pre-approved" for a secured credit card. They asked that I send a check for $99, and they would issue a credit card with a limit of $500. That was exciting because my finances are in a state of disarray. I don't get many of these kinds of offers.
I phoned the credit card company and asked how long it would take to receive the new card. The response was "six weeks." That seemed rather long, and my intuition told me to phone the Better Business Bureau in Scottsdale. I was informed the bureau has a file with pages and pages of complaints against this company.
Please inform your readers that a phone call to the BBB may not only save them money, but prevent grief and a great deal of wasted time as well. -- A FRIEND IN FLORIDA
DEAR FRIEND: Better Business Bureaus are located in most major cities in the United States. They were one of the first consumer "watchdog" organizations. The bureaus provide consumer education materials, answer questions, provide information about businesses -- i.e. whether there are unanswered or unsettled complaints or other marketplace problems -- and help resolve buyer/seller complaints against a business, including mediation and arbitration services. They also have information about charities and other organizations seeking public donations.
BBBs that provide information via 1-900 telephone numbers charge a nominal fee for their services; some offices charge a flat fee and require a major credit card to access information. The BBB Web site can be accessed at www.bbb.org for consumer fraud and scam alerts, and information about BBB programs, services and locations.
DEAR ABBY: I kissed a married man. Actually, it went beyond just kissing. I have just turned 19, and he's 30 and has a baby on the way.
Abby, I didn't sleep with him -- but we went pretty far. We both wanted it to happen, but I still feel guilty.
I have liked this guy for four years. I was, and probably still am, too young for him. What should I be doing about this situation now? I don't see him often, but when I do, we fool around. What do you think this guy is thinking? -- "BUNNY" IN INDIANA
DEAR "BUNNY": This guy is thinking, "Here's an 'easy' girl I can get some action from without any commitment." That means no love, no respect -- zero on your balance sheet. He gets a quick thrill while you get a few moments of pleasure -- and plenty of risks.
You feel guilty because you know he is married to another woman who can't compete with you right now. Listen to your conscience and stop playing around with him. You're risking an emotional involvement with a man who has proved he cannot be faithful, a pregnancy with more responsibility than you can handle, and a social disease from someone who's probably playing around with more "other women" than you.
Message Sent by Car Ads Is Offensive to Safe Drivers
DEAR ABBY: I was pleased to see the letter in your column referring to the commercial showing two "ladies" driving aggressively to get a parking space ahead of each other. The third time we saw it, my husband and I decided to disconnect the television cable.
Whatever happened to "let others go first" and "do unto others as you would have them do unto you"? How can I teach my grandchildren to be polite when selfishness is presented as "sport"?
I refuse to buy a vehicle from a company that uses such advertising, even if it means keeping my old car. -- ANN VANCE, GREENWOOD, MISS.
DEAR ANN: The writer of that letter was Valerie Rivard. Her letter struck a chord with many people. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are professional freight truck drivers. When a new auto ad comes on the air, we know we will see that kind of driving within 24 to 48 hours. People seem to think that if the driver in an ad can drive that way, they can, too. Because it didn't happen in the commercial, they fail to take into account that their reckless driving could cause a crash! We see it all the time.
One ad showed a car pushing through three big rigs as it came on the highway, cutting off at least one of them and almost sideswiping another. The driver in the ad gets away with it! What kind of example does that set for teen-agers and new drivers?
Please, everyone: Drive in a defensive, courteous, legal, professional manner. The result will be safe and happy roads for all. -- HENRY A. PASCOE, HARP TRANSPORT INC., SNOHOMISH, WASH.
DEAR HENRY: Hear, hear! Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Being a teen-ager myself, I can tell you that commercials for "fast" cars do not encourage me to drive fast. They are meant only to show the maneuverability of the vehicles. Some people actually drive off-road for a living and appreciate a car that can perform sharp turns.
I do not believe that these commercials send subliminal messages to make young drivers drive faster or recklessly. Anyone of any age can drive fast and irresponsibly. -- TIFFANY IN WICHITA FALLS, TEXAS
DEAR TIFFANY: I agree that anyone of any age can have a lead foot and drive recklessly. Unfortunately, too many people do. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I see many SUV and car commercials portraying vehicles driving off-road, driving through streams and nature. This is an irresponsible message to send to people. Off-road driving is extremely destructive to our environment. Why can't car companies promote good citizenship while they market their cars? -- SICK OF SUVS IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR SICK: Good point; good question. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I have also become angry while watching those ads. Driving is portrayed as a competitive blood sport. To even suggest that there is something "glamorous" about ignoring traffic regulations and common civility borders on the criminal.
What can we do to get auto manufacturers and their ad agencies to stop contributing to the anarchy and carnage on the roads? Would a letter-writing campaign to car companies and their ad agencies be of any use? How about a boycott of the most irresponsible manufacturers? -- MAD IN ATLANTA
DEAR MAD: I can think of no more effective way to communicate that message than by opening one's pen and closing one's checkbook.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Honeymoon High Jinks Are No Longer Laughing Matter
DEAR ABBY: Six years ago, my husband and I honeymooned in French Polynesia where we met three other newlywed couples. Some older people were there also. We considered them intruders and were pretty rotten to them. We hogged the hammocks, beach chairs and best tables, made fun of their bodies and generally made their lives miserable.
My father is a retired military officer who divorced my mother and moved to the Gulf Coast. Each year we join his houseguests for a big birthday barbecue weekend. A good friend of his from Virginia, an older woman, attends almost every year.
One of my uncles mentioned they were going to French Polynesia, so I brought our honeymoon pictures this year. When my father's friend saw them, she said she had been there at the same time we were, recovering from a month-long camping trip in Australia. We soon realized why she looked so "familiar." She was one of our victims. She must have recognized us long ago, but said nothing. We were so mortified, we returned to our room with a "headache."
I couldn't look at her the rest of the weekend and left without a word. My father knows something is wrong, but I can't bring myself to tell him. I have always been his favorite and would not want him to think I am such a rotten person. How do I get out of this? -- DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL
DEAR LITTLE GIRL: Your bodies may have been firm and beautiful, but the side of yourself you showed your unfortunate fellow travelers was truly ugly. If you have learned nothing else from your experience, it's that the world is becoming an increasingly smaller place.
There is no way to "get out of this." So grow up, fess up, and apologize to your father's friend for your inexcusably rude behavior. She showed a lot of character by not telling your father about you, and you can learn a lot from her that you should have learned long ago.
DEAR ABBY: This morning with only a few minutes to go before we needed to leave for work, I asked my husband if the outfit I was wearing looked OK. His answer was, "I don't like those pants." I was really ticked off. And then he got mad at me for asking him what he thought and getting mad at his answer.
I can understand this logically; however, I can't imagine giving anyone the same answer he did to that question. It was a rude and unhelpful thing to say and it hurt my feelings. It was too late for me to change -- and why should I change just because he doesn't like the pants? It's not like I have an unlimited wardrobe.
Now every time I wear those pants, I'll know that he doesn't like them. I guess the bottom line is, I was looking for an affirmation about how I looked, and he didn't give me one. Am I being too sensitive, or is he speaking his mind too much? -- MICHELLE IN SEATTLE
DEAR MICHELLE: Your husband thought he was being asked to give an honest opinion. I can't fault him for doing it. The next time you ask him a question about your appearance, carefully consider how you phrase it.
P.S. Look at it this way: Your husband must have an eye for quality -- he picked you, didn't he?
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)