For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Wedding Plans Are Stalled Over Question of Location
DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I became engaged. We are trying to decide whether to have a large wedding or elope. This is my second marriage and his first.
My first wedding was held in the town where I lived, 2,000 miles from my parents' home. It was very expensive, and my parents paid for everything. They told me they will not pay for this wedding unless it is held in the town where they now live. It's halfway across the country from where my boyfriend and I reside. Neither of us has friends there, but my mother's relatives live within driving distance. (These family members missed my first wedding because they could not afford to travel.)
Abby, my boyfriend's parents don't want to go that far for a wedding, and I think his mother is hoping we will marry in her Catholic church. I suspect my boyfriend wants to be married in their hometown and in the church, but he doesn't want to ask his parents to help pay for the wedding.
I feel bad because traditionally the bride's parents pay for the wedding. My mother is putting pressure on me because they spent a lot of money on my first wedding and her family wasn't able to attend.
My boyfriend and I cannot afford to pay for a wedding, so we have considered eloping or having a small wedding where we live with only family and close friends attending. We could then have two receptions, one here, and one in my parents' area. My parents might pay for a reception there.
Abby, is this a proper solution, or will people think we are cheap? And will this offend either set of parents? I'm willing to go with the flow, but I'm not sure in which direction it is flowing. -- UNHAPPY WEDDING PLANNER
DEAR UNHAPPY: You are making a lot of assumptions. You and your fiance should discuss this thoroughly before you proceed. Parents are not obligated to pay for any wedding, although they may pay for the first wedding as a gift. The bride and groom usually pay for the second (or subsequent) weddings.
Perhaps you and the groom should not be in such a hurry to walk down the aisle, and instead take time to save for the kind of wedding you both desire.
A small wedding with two different receptions to accommodate your parents and his would not be out of line. However, it would show more maturity if you and the groom financed everything yourselves.
DEAR ABBY: My co-worker has terrible bad breath. Others in the office have noticed it, but nobody has had the courage to say anything to him at the risk of offending him.
I work closest to him, but don't feel "close" enough to personally confront him.
The only way I can cope is to pop breath mints all day -- and always offer some to him. Sometimes I run out of them, and I can hardly do my job.
What would you do in my situation? -- CHOKING IN L.A.
DEAR CHOKING: The co-worker should be told!
I would ask to speak to him privately, take a deep breath, and simply tell him. He may be unaware of his problem, and the condition could be symptomatic of a medical or dental problem.
Display Our Flag Proudly and Properly on Flag Day
DEAR ABBY: Since Wednesday, June 14, is Flag Day, your readers might appreciate a reminder about how to correctly display "Old Glory." The U.S. Flag Code, adopted in 1923, prescribes the following rules for proper handling of the flag:
-- Always display the flag with the blue union field up; never display the flag upside down, except as a distress signal.
-- Always hold the flag carefully; never let it touch anything beneath it: the ground, the floor, water or merchandise.
-- Always carry the flag aloft and free; never carry it flat or horizontally.
-- Always keep the flag clean and safe; never let it become torn, soiled or damaged.
-- Always dispose of a flag properly; it should be destroyed by burning it in a dignified manner.
-- Always treat the flag with respect; never embroider it on household items or pieces of clothing.
Readers who would like a copy of our brochure, "Our Flag: How to Honor and Display It," need only request it and send 30 cents plus a long (business-size), stamped, self-addressed envelope to National Flag Foundation, Flag Plaza, Dept. A., Pittsburgh, PA 15219-3630. Or they can review it on our Web site: www.AmericanFlags.org. -- DAVID L. WHITE, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
DEAR DAVID: Thank you for sharing the rules for displaying the U.S. flag. Readers who may be unable to dispose of the flag in the prescribed manner should contact their nearest American Legion or VFW post. Most of them have an annual ceremony in which old and worn flags are properly destroyed.
Read on:
DEAR ABBY: June 14, 1907, was designated Flag Day by the Grand Lodge (National) of the BPOE Elks. In 1911, the Grand Lodge made this a mandatory observance for all Elks.
The Elks prompted President Woodrow Wilson to recognize our observance. However, it was not until 1949 that it was made a national day of observance -- by another Elk, President Harry S. Truman.
There will be a local Elks' flag ceremony in most communities in the U.S.A. We welcome the opportunity to assist parents, teachers and others in teaching the history of our flag and promoting love and respect for it. This assistance is available by calling the local Elks lodge. -- ROY E. ADAMS, CAHABA VALLEY LODGE 1738, PELHAM, ALA.
DEAR ROY: Thank you for advising me and my readers that the Elks offer this community service. Although most of us learn the Pledge of Allegiance to the flag in our schools, we don't always remember to honor the symbol of our country on Flag Day. I'm sure that the program you offer will inspire many patriotic citizens.
P.S. My father was an Elk, and he told me that "B.P.O.E." stands for "Best People On Earth!"
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Cycling Safety Tips Will Keep Summer Safe for All
DEAR ABBY: Summer is upon us, and millions of fellow cyclists across the country will once again be out on the roads. I personally ride around 4,000 miles a year in training, and thought I'd offer a few tips.
Many drivers mistakenly believe that cyclists have no rights on public roads and feel compelled to "teach them a lesson," deliberately endangering their lives.
The fact is, a bicycle is classified as a vehicle on the public roads in all 50 states.
Tips for drivers:
1. Don't get too close. Cyclists want to be left alone. Cyclists are NOT required to ride on the shoulder, on the sidewalk or 2 inches from the edge of the road.
2. Don't pass a cyclist and then slow down, stop or turn in front of him. Sometimes we are going as fast as you are.
3. Don't honk. You're likely to startle an inexperienced cyclist or a child and cause him or her to fall.
Tips for cyclists:
1. Wear a helmet.
2. Make eye contact with drivers. Make sure they see you.
3. Ride on the right side of the road.
4. Obey traffic laws.
5. Signal turns. Point left or right.
6. Ride in a straight line and don't block traffic.
7. Carry a cell phone. You might need it to get help for yourself or a stranded motorist.
Thanks, Abby. The life you save by printing this may be my own -- or thousands of others! -- A FITNESS CYCLIST FOR 40 YEARS
DEAR FITNESS: If printing your letter saves just one life, it is well worth the space in this column. I hope all motorists and cyclists -- of all ages and levels of experience -- will take your advice.
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the letter from Sharon Lewandowski, whose godson committed suicide. I absolutely support her message to encourage those in need to seek help. Yet I am moved to make another important point:
People nowadays are so busy that they don't always keep in touch with family and loved ones as they should. We should reach out and let people know we're thinking of them from time to time, regardless of whether they are in need or not.
All it takes is a card or phone call to say, "Hi! I'm thinking of you -- just wanted to know how you're doing." This contact from others can encourage those in need to reach out, and it can help us all feel more loved and less alone.
Please, remind your readers to take the time to keep in touch. It can make a huge difference in someone's life. -- BARBARA A. HART, POWDER SPRINGS, GA.
DEAR BARBARA: That valuable message is one we cannot be reminded of too often, especially since it's not always known to us that someone is experiencing what feels like insurmountable problems. Consistent, casual contact can provide comfort that may be desperately needed. And you're right, Barbara -- we all benefit from staying in touch!
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)