For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: My friend is planning a wedding for next May. Under any other circumstances I would be happy for her, but she isn't engaged and has not yet been proposed to by her boyfriend!
Apparently, she has simply decided that now would be a good time to get married. She has always thought that 26 to 28 is a good age to marry, and she's not considering any other factors. She and her boyfriend are both 26, but he's not at all responsible. He tried college several times without success, then worked for a while to pay off his student loans, and is now enrolled in a technical college. He does not seem mature enough for marriage, and frankly, neither does she.
Abby, I don't know what to do. My friend has gone as far as talking to a priest about the wedding (without her boyfriend present), and is about to put money down on a hall. I feel like I can't just stand back and let all this happen. Should I say something? Please don't use my name. Just sign me ... WORRIED ABOUT THE WEDDING
DEAR WORRIED: Someone must inject a note of reality in this fantasy. Tell your friend that tradition dictates that it is necessary to have a fiance and set the date together before you plan a wedding, and that you don't want her to get hurt and lose deposit money she can't afford.
She may not follow your advice, but at least your conscience will be clear.
DEAR ABBY: I work in a small office, and every two weeks an e-mail is sent to solicit money to buy cards and gifts for fellow employees for birthdays, new babies, funerals, etc.
Recently, we were asked to contribute to a get-well card and gift for an employee who had elective cosmetic surgery.
Abby, is there a limit to what is appropriate to solicit for office contributions? For those of us on a tight budget, it is embarrassing and uncomfortable to be put on the spot this way. How should I handle this? -- PENNY-WISE IN JACKSONVILLE, FLA.
DEAR PENNY-WISE: You should discuss this problem with your supervisor and suggest changing the card and gift policy. This is a delicate situation. The directive should come from management -– otherwise, it could create resentment.
P.S. The get-well gift for the employee who had elective cosmetic surgery is truly a "new wrinkle" in gift giving!
DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for two years. My boyfriend makes nearly twice my salary, yet I often find that I am paying for myself when we go out. We currently live together, and he pays $720 to my $505.
I have always been accustomed to the man paying for the majority of our times together, and therefore I'm taken aback at being expected to shell out any money. Would you consider me a gold digger, or have times changed that much? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN VIRGINIA BEACH, VA.
DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: You are not a gold digger, just a bit behind the times. Times have changed since the days when men paid for everything, and many women today do pay their own way.
Since this has become a problem between you, you are overdue for a serious discussion to clear the air about the division of financial responsibilities. Unless you can come to a comfortable agreement, he is not the man for you.
Program Allows Vets to Speak Across Generations of Students
DEAR ABBY: I am asking that you get the word out to veterans across the country and encourage them to start a Veterans in the Classroom program in their local schools. We started the program described below after a history teacher called for help in teaching her students what the war was really like. These are stories that cannot be found in history books.
One veteran from each branch of service, and from both the European and Pacific theaters, make up the program panel. Before the presentation, we ask that students submit five questions that interest them most. During our presentation, we try to address as many of those questions as possible. Each vet covers the following topics:
1. A brief personal history from enlistment to overseas departure.
2. Arrival overseas -- where, when, major battles, etc.
3. A close-call story.
4. A funny-experience story.
5. Time for questions and answers.
6. Display of memorabilia that students can view and discuss with the vets, one-on-one.
The program is videotaped so that the true stories, told firsthand by the vets who experienced them, can be shown to future generations of students. Local press and TV are invited. Presentations by veterans from Korea, Vietnam and the Gulf War could follow.
Our Veterans in the Classrooms program has been well received, and our wish is that other veterans will put on programs such as this in their local schools. We would be happy to serve as a resource for other veterans groups.
Thank you, Abby, for helping us encourage other vets to keep this important part of America's history alive. -- RALPH H. GEORGE, FOUNTAIN HILLS, ARIZ.
DEAR RALPH: What a terrific idea, and what a precious resource for students in the classroom. I'm sure other veterans will agree that your concept has merit and will be willing to step forward and volunteer their stories.
Not all students grasp the concepts of history by reading and memorizing dates in textbooks. History teachers who would like to give their students a more immediate sense of these events could contact their local VFW posts and request speakers from each branch of the service.
Veterans who are interested in setting up programs like this one can contact Ralph George by writing to him at 14425 San Carlos Drive, Fountain Hills, AZ 85268. By sharing your stories you'll walk into the classroom as strangers and walk out as heroes.
DEAR ABBY: Is it wrong to blow your nose at the table when dining out, or for that matter, anytime at the table? -- SNEEZING IN NORTH JERSEY
DEAR SNEEZING: Much would depend upon how it's done.
Dabbing a leaky nose is acceptable if it's done discreetly and is certainly better than suffocating. However, if the nose blower sounds like the first blast of Gideon's trumpet, it should be done away from the table and in private.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Wife Objects to Husband Who Mixes Business With Affection
DEAR ABBY: My husband is a CEO of a large company. He does business with many other companies and travels all over the country. We are both 65 years old.
He has made it a practice to hug and kiss -- on the mouth -- all the female CEOs and associates he does business with. I'm not comfortable with this because I think it is unprofessional. (He's had several affairs in the past.)
He calls them "honey," "darling," etc. -- they are the age of our daughter (40).
I want him to stop this practice. Do you think I am being small and narrow-minded at this stage of the "game"? -- CONCERNED IN THE SOUTHWEST
DEAR CONCERNED: Considering his past infidelities, I don't think you are being small and narrow-minded.
Calling these women "honey" and "darling" may seem affectionate to him, but it indicates a lack of respect for them as adult women.
Tell him that as the CEO, he is in a position of power, and if he makes inappropriate remarks or advances to women, he could be slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit -- or just slapped, period.
DEAR ABBY: I was shocked that you agreed with "Diane in Scappoose, Ore.," who wrote that children in shopping carts should be put into the automobile before the groceries.
With all the car-jackings going on, the last thing you should do is put your children in the car first. I attended a briefing given by the police department, and one of the things they say you should never do is put your children in the car before the groceries. It takes only a second for a car-jacker to demand your keys and jump in and drive off.
Groceries can be replaced -- children cannot. The best thing to do is keep the cart beside you while you load the groceries. -- LIZ IN DELAWARE
DEAR LIZ: You weren't the only reader who informed me that I goofed when I put "the 'grocery cart' before the horse."
Parents, please make sure that the grocery cart doesn't roll away with your child in it while you load the groceries into your car. And when you are finished, please remember to secure your children in a car seat or safety belt.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I had a very small church wedding. She refused to consummate our marriage for nearly two months and wouldn't tell me the reason why. It was not because she was afraid to have sex, because she was not a virgin when we married. When she finally gave in, I could hardly keep up with her.
Our wedding anniversary is coming up soon. On what date should we celebrate our anniversary? The date we were married in church, or the date our marriage was consummated? -- WANTS TO CELEBRATE
DEAR WANTS TO CELEBRATE: The date on the marriage certificate would be fine in most cases, but in your case, celebrate on the date that means the most to you.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)