Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

Marriage Was Wrong for Man Trying to Do the Right Thing

DEAR ABBY: Stop the press! The letter from "Soon to Be a Grandpa" describes the scenario I found myself in almost two years ago. She was pregnant after two months, and I, too, wanted to "do the right thing." We married after knowing each other five months.

If you think marrying someone you hardly know is stressful, wait until the birth of a child. I love my beautiful daughter with all my heart. However, my marriage to her mother was the most traumatic experience I have ever been through!

Abby, you were right on the money when you said that marriage can wait. The young man should not put himself in a bind to prove he is committed to the unborn child. That is what I did -- and it was the worst decision I've ever made. The divorce (we were married eight months) still causes much pain for me and everyone I know.

Things are finally starting to normalize. We have joint custody of our daughter.

Please tell "Soon to Be a Grandpa" to warn his son. I know the son feels like his relationship is different and he can make it work. I felt the same way.

He should enjoy his newborn and participate in his/her life as much as possible. But marriage is not the answer. If it turns out that their commitment to each other is genuine, best of luck to them! However, nothing is harmed by a little patience. -- LESSON LEARNED IN FLORIDA

DEAR LESSON LEARNED: I agree; a child should be raised in a home where the parents love each other.