DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to a wonderful man whom I adore, but I have a problem I haven't seen in your column. He gave me his grandmother's ring as an engagement ring. I didn't want to ruin the moment and tell him that I preferred to wear my deceased mother's rings that my father was keeping for my marriage. The sentiment and style make them precious to me.
Would it be wrong for me to ask my fiancee to allow me to wear my mother's rings rather than his grandmother's? I realize this is an unusual request, but I am the one who will be wearing the rings daily. Your advice would be appreciated. -- TOO MANY RINGS IN ARIZONA
DEAR TOO MANY RINGS: No, it is not wrong to ask your fiancee how he would feel about your wearing your mother's rings -- if you ask tactfully. Tell him how honored you are that he wants you to have his grandmother's ring, and offer to wear it on your right hand. If the idea seems to bother him, perhaps you could have your mother's rings sized and wear them as a pinky ring, have the diamonds placed in a pendant to wear on a chain around your neck, or have the rings made into a pin.
Chances are that as long as you plan to wear his grandmother's ring, he'll agree to your wearing your mother's rings on your left hand since they mean so much to you.
DEAR ABBY: Please print this so my daughter-in-law will read it.
As the mother of the man you married, I grieve over what may happen in the future.
When my son married you, he took you and your child into his heart. He has a big heart. He expressed to me how happy he was with his family and how he hoped that someday he would also be a father to his own child.
You have been married three years, and because of your age, your biological clock is running out. There appears to be no sign of another child in the picture.
I grieve that he will never know the joy of having a child call him Daddy. Your child calls him by his first name.
I grieve that he will never know the joy of walking his daughter down the aisle or seeing his son marry.
I grieve that he will never know the greatest joy of having his own grandchildren.
Most of all, I grieve that you do not really love my son enough to make the ultimate sacrifice of bearing a child for him. -- GRIEVING IN THE SOUTHWEST
DEAR GRIEVING: Your desire for a child for your son is understandable, but I hope that in the future you don't grieve that, because of your intrusiveness, you no longer have a close relationship with your son, daughter-in-law and step-grandchild.
The reason your daughter-in-law is not pregnant is none of your business. There may be medical reasons that you are unaware of, including the possibility that your son's sperm count is too low and he cannot father a child.
Please make your heart as big as your son's, and remember that children are a gift, not a sacrifice!
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