Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Boys as Well as Girls Need Frank Discussion About Sex
DEAR ABBY: We work for Planned Parenthood and would like to commend you for your continued frank discussion about how important it is that parents talk to their kids about their sexuality. A significant amount of research shows that parents have a great deal of influence on their children's behavior, and no matter how much their teens roll their eyes or stare out the window, they are listening.
"North Dakota Mom" was a great example of how to approach your teen -- with accurate information and a message about your own values in a nonjudgmental, open manner. Sex education has been shown to delay the onset of sexual intercourse, and parents are an excellent source for accurate sex information. Teens also make better decisions when they decide to become sexually active if they have had comprehensive sex education.
One point that is missing is that boys also need these frank discussions about protection, contraception, and how to develop their own value systems. Parents should get the same contraceptive kit to show to their sons.
Condoms and spermicidal gels or foams used together are extremely effective in preventing the spread of sexually transmitted infections (including HIV/AIDS) and unplanned pregnancies. Boys need to know how to put on a condom correctly to reduce the chances of its breaking. They also need to understand that they are equally responsible for keeping both their partner and themselves safe and healthy.
The only surefire way to prevent both disease and pregnancy is abstinence. Many adolescents don't know what "abstinence" means, and they often think that only vaginal intercourse is "having sex."
Thank you again, Abby, for your continued crusade to protect our teens and your confidence that they will make the right decisions when given honest information. -- DEBORAH HOBBINS AND SUSAN CASKEY, MADISON, WIS.
DEAR DEBORAH AND SUSAN: You're welcome. And you are right; I do have confidence in the common sense of young adults. Given the information they need to protect themselves, I have faith they will use it intelligently.
I am in favor of abstinence-based sex education. (To "abstain" means to practice deliberate restraint and/or self-denial in relation to an urge or craving.) However, that should not be the entire message. Sexually mature young adults also need the specifics about how to protect themselves from STDs and pregnancies for which they are not prepared emotionally, financially and sometimes physically.
DERA ABBY: I am 81 years old; my wife is 76. We have been married 52 years. My wife recently decided that we were not having enough "together" time. So she went to her appointment calendar and drew big red hearts around all the Wednesdays. Our Wednesdays are now our together time. We use it to sightsee, to visit a museum or go to the library to research genealogy, to have a picnic or try a new restaurant. But mostly it's just about being together. Every week is beautiful because we have a "heart day" to look forward to. -- LOVING WEDNESDAYS, CHESHIRE, MASS.
DEAR LOVING: I suspect that every week is beautiful because you still have and appreciate each other.
Patients' Privacy Disappears in Receptionist's Open Door
DEAR ABBY: My aunt broke her foot and can't drive, so I have been providing her with taxi service for the last three weeks.
I took her to see a new doctor about shortness of breath. His office was in a lovely new building, and I marveled at the paintings and expensive furniture in his waiting room. I thought about how successful he was, and that engendered confidence in his ability to treat my aunt.
However, when she hobbled into the receptionist's office, the door was left open, and everyone in the waiting room could hear the answers to all the personal questions. Nothing was secret from the captive audience. She tried talking softly, but the receptionist repeated her answers loudly enough that we could all hear them.
Abby, medical information is supposed to be confidential. Had one of the patients demanded that kind of information from the receptionist, she probably would have refused to answer. Because it was for medical records, my aunt felt compelled to answer the questions she was asked. It not only embarrassed her, it also put her in a vulnerable position for identity theft.
Shouldn't medical office personnel be more careful to guard the confidential information of the patients? -- NETTLED NIECE IN NEWARK, N.J.
DEAR NETTLED NIECE: Yes. Care should be taken in keeping medical information confidential, and the receptionist was out of line. Your aunt should have smiled sweetly and said, "That information is confidential. I'll answer your questions when you close the door." Then, when she saw the doctor, she should have reported her complaint, which probably would have been a favor for all the patients.
Since your aunt did not report this lapse of confidentiality procedure by the receptionist, you should speak to the doctor and advise him or her of what you witnessed. It is the doctor's responsibility to ensure that
employees observe protocol to protect patients' rights.
DEAR ABBY: The following little story appeared in our church bulletin last year, and I thought you might enjoy it. If you think it's worth sharing with your readers, please feel free to do so. -- ANITA G., WICHITA, KAN.
DEAR ANITA: Your story illustrates what's really important in life. It's well worth space in this column. Read on:
HOW RICH ARE WE?
One day a father and his rich family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing him how poor people can be. They spent a day and a night at the farm of a very poor family. When they returned from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"
"Very good, Dad!"
"Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked.
"Yeah!"
"And what did you learn?"
The son replied: "I saw that we have a dog at home, and they have four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden; they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lamps in the garden; they have the stars. Our patio reaches to the front yard; they have a whole horizon."
When the little boy finished speaking, his father was speechless. His son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Brother's Stiffened Backbone Massaged by Readers' Praise
DEAR ABBY: Having read the letter from "Hank in Tacoma" -- who was upset because his sister-in-law had urged his brother "Eric" into therapy and freed him from years of servitude to his family -- I must admit I was surprised that you didn't let Hank and the rest of the family have it!
Apparently Hank feels it is Eric's wife's fault that his brother has found his backbone. How dare Hank and the family make judgments about Eric's wife without even taking Eric up on his offer to join him in counseling sessions to learn more about the changes that are taking place.
Finally, how dare Eric put his children and wife first? Why, Abby, if more spouses put their significant other and children first, perhaps we would have fewer divorces and happier families in this world. -- SUZANNE IN SAN FRANCISCO
P.S. There was one thing I didn't understand in your answer. What did you mean, "Eric has slipped his chain"?
DEAR SUZANNE: Simply put, it means, "freed himself from his shackles." When I wrote the phrase, I was envisioning a dog escaping from his training collar, or choke chain.
That letter generated a ton of response. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: In today's paper I read the letter from "Hank in Tacoma," and I recognize his family!
Hank: Wake up! Your brother Eric is no longer the family doormat.
Hank wrote, "He used to always put his family first, but now he favors his wife and children." Guess what a wife and children are, Hank? That's right, a family -- Eric's family.
Eric is finally a person in his own right, thanks to his insightful wife, and he's probably happier than he has ever been. If he no longer squires your mother around town because Pop "doesn't like those events," perhaps YOU should jump in and volunteer to be the escort now and then. And you might find yourself the favored sibling, the one with all the footprints on his back from "your" family walking all over you! Good luck, Hank, and give my love and admiration to your brother, Eric. -- FORMER DOORMAT IN DELAWARE
DEAR ABBY: Was "Hank in Tacoma" for real? By favoring his wife and children, Eric IS putting his family first. Hooray for the new Eric. He sounds like a healthy adult and good husband and father to boot. -- JACQUELINE M. IN L.A.
DEAR ABBY: Please pass my message on to Eric in Tacoma. Good for you, Eric. You have obviously made some tough but important changes in your life, and you clearly have married well.
As to the family: Too bad Eric won't let you bully him anymore, but don't worry, you'll get over it. If you're lucky, you'll learn to appreciate him and his family. -- PETER R., SAN RAFAEL, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: Regarding the letter from "Hank in Tacoma," whose brother Eric has become more assertive, I have two words for Eric: GO ERIC!!! -- SUSAN S., A FAN FROM TEXAS
CONFIDENTIAL TO STILL CRYING IN SAVANNAH, GA: It takes a friend and an enemy to really hurt you: the enemy to speak ill of you, and the friend to tell you about it.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)