What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Grocery Store Parking Lots Aren't Safe for Kids in Carts
DEAR ABBY: Yesterday at the grocery store, I observed a woman with two young children in the parking lot. While she loaded her groceries and her toddler from the cart into her van, she left the younger child (under a year old) sitting in the cart behind her vehicle.
The scene brought back an incident when my own child was just a year old. I parked the grocery cart at the rear of my small pickup truck and hesitated only a moment before deciding to load my child into the pickup before my purchases. I had taken only three steps when a car pulling out of the parking space directly behind me slammed into my grocery cart hard enough that the cart dented the tailgate of my truck. Customers all over the parking lot heard the impact. Even if my child had not died from the impact, he would have been seriously -- and possibly permanently -- injured.
During the time that this woman took to load her toddler and groceries, the cart and the baby were out of her line of sight. Someone could have pulled up and taken her child, could have hit the cart, or the cart could have rolled into the path of a car.
Abby, please remind your readers that the most important thing in a grocery cart is your child. Always put the child (or children) in the car first. -- DIANE IN SCAPPOOSE, ORE.
DEAR DIANE: When I read your letter, the hairs on my arms stood straight up! In case other parents need this reminder: If a child is a passenger in the grocery cart, the cart should be placed beside the parent's vehicle where it's protected from traffic. And, of course, the child (or children) should be placed first in the vehicle.
DEAR ABBY: The letter regarding calendars depicting almost nude women hanging in businesses frequented by both men and women brought back an incident that I experienced.
I worked in a car radio company and had to regularly visit the garage where the radios were installed. The installers had many calendars in their work areas that offended me, some depicting completely nude women.
I spoke to the owner (a woman) about my feelings and she had the perfect solution. She bought a magazine (Playgirl) that contained photos of completely naked men and tacked a few of the pics up in the garage. The installers had a fit, telling her that the pictures were "obscene." Needless to say, all the girlie pics were down the next day!
By the way, this was 25 years ago, long before there were any laws regarding sexual harassment. -- JO IN LARGO, FLA.
DEAR JO: What's good for the gander is good for the goose! I have to wonder at the logic that pictures of nude women are art and pictures of nude men are obscene, since both the subjects were formed by the same creator.
CONFIDENTIAL TO "CONSIDERING DIPLOMACY AS A CAREER": Art Linkletter described diplomacy succinctly: "The art of jumping into troubled water without making a splash."
Here's One Grandmother Who Won't Baby Proof Her House
DEAR ABBY: I'll bet you get plenty of letters from grannies responding to "Bent Out of Shape in Bend, Ore." Here is MY response. You may use it if you choose:
To "Bent Out of Shape": I laughed myself silly when I read how exhausted you were after visiting Granny with your 18-month-old son. Granny doesn't have to read a "current baby/toddler book" to get the "new information" on baby-proofing a house. Granny raised YOU without all the modern gadgets. She used a tool you may not have heard of -- a firm and gentle "NO."
She also used a useful device called a playpen to get an hour or so of rest a day from following a toddler around. I'm sorry to inform you that you'll be exhausted for the next 18 years. The entire world is a hazardous place, and it is YOUR job to protect your own child.
When my grandchildren come to visit, I provide everything: food, cribs, toys, baby gates, entertainment, bibs, diapers, etc., and I watch them as closely as I can. I give the parents a break by baby sitting a night or so during their stay. I also tuck a little extra cash in their pockets to help out when I can.
If you want Granny's house baby-proofed for your visit, I suggest YOU bring all the gadgets and baby-proof the house yourself. Please remember to put all the gadgets, litter boxes, detergents, chemicals, coins, photos, candles and other things back where they belong before you leave.
I laughed myself silly because if you think YOU are exhausted when you leave Granny's house, think how exhausted Granny is. We Grannies did our jobs 20 years ago, and trust me, babies were the same then as they are now. It's just YOUR turn to do the work. We Grannies have a golf game. -- LAUGHING GRANNY
DEAR LAUGHING GRANNY: I have taken some lumps for my answer to that letter. And while I agree that it is the parent's job to watch the toddler, the writer of that letter had a point. Anyone who is going to regularly have small children in the house would be well advised to make sure that chemicals, medications and breakables are placed out of reach. You would never forgive yourself if your and your daughter's attention were diverted for a few minutes and the child was seriously hurt, or worse. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: "Bent Out of Shape" may be dealing with a difference in parenting styles. My mother also complained about my brother's request that she baby-proof the house before the visit of her first grandchild.
Mother believed that correcting a toddler when it reached for a low-lying table was the way to introduce limits and teach respect for other people's things. While she accepted the need to remove dangerous items, she wanted to keep her "nice" things in place. She felt it was the parents' responsibility to watch the child and was annoyed when their attention wandered and her grandchild got into something.
Happily it didn't take long for her to have a change of heart. Mom got tired of worrying about her prized breakables and eventually moved the most precious out of reach. She also got tired of trying to converse with adults who were constantly on the alert.
Child-proofing my house made my job easier and far more pleasant. As my children grew, I gradually returned the breakables to their places, teaching them not to touch. By the time my youngest was 3, everything was back in place and we hadn't lost a thing.
"Bent" may want to have a talk with her mother about this. -- ALL INTACT IN ATLANTA
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Girl Who Says No to Bra Gets No Support From Her Friends
DEAR ABBY: When I was 12, I couldn't wait to wear a bra. By the time I turned 16 last summer, I decided I'd had enough of wearing a bra. My mom, who hasn't worn one since she was 18, had no problem with it as long as it wasn't obvious that I was braless. And for six months it wasn't.
Not until I went to a slumber party, and some of the other girls there saw me change into my pj's, did anyone notice I was not wearing a bra.
The girls began to make fun of me, telling me that only lesbians go braless. (It doesn't help that I currently have a boyfriend.) Now word has gotten all around school, and people are doing all sorts of things to make fun of me, from boys pretending to unsnap my nonexistent bra to a girl actually coming on to me thinking I was really gay. My mom says she was lucky; going braless was accepted when she was a teen, and I should just ignore the comments and they'll eventually stop.
Having gone without a bra this long, I don't want to go back -- they are just too uncomfortable and I am too flat to have any use for them. But I can't stand the constant ridicule. Do you have any suggestions as to what I can do? -- BRALESS (NO CITY OR STATE, PLEASE)
DEAR BRALESS: I'm old enough to remember when feminists burned their bras in symbolic protest of restrictions on our freedom. It had nothing to do with a person's sexual orientation then -- and your classmates are flaunting their ignorance if they think it has anything to do with it now. What nonsense!
What probably started out as a joke has taken on a life of its own and has gone too far. The behavior you are describing sounds like harassment, and the principal of your school should be informed. Part of his or her job is to guarantee that students can pursue an education free of harassment. Please don't wait.
DEAR ABBY: I recently received an invitation to a wedding shower requesting that all gifts should be made in cash. Included with the invitation was a small envelope in which to place the money.
When I inquired about presenting a more traditional gift to the couple, I was told they didn't need anything. They have purchased an expensive new home, furniture, new automobiles, etc. The wedding and reception are being paid for by the bride's family, so the bride and groom have incurred little or no expense for these events.
Abby, I have attended bridal showers and weddings where a money tree was offered as an option in gift-giving. However, I find this to be in extremely poor taste and highly presumptuous. I have talked to others who are being invited, and we see this as nothing more than a ploy to gather a huge cash gift.
Your thoughts on this, please. -- AN OFFENDED FRIEND
DEAR OFFENDED: I agree that to ask for money is in poor taste and presumptuous, and to include an envelope with the invitation was tacky. I'd advise you to skip the shower unless you want to be soaked.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)