What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I have been stuck at home on worker's comp for a year, but will be returning to my job in a few days. Unfortunately, a rumor has gone around at work that my fiance (who is also employed there) is having an affair with one of our co-workers.
This woman visits our home regularly and has been a friend to both of us. The rumor stems from the fact that people at work see my fiance and her joking and playing around, and assume they have something going on -- especially since I'm not there.
Abby, I know that nothing is going on between them. My fiance is devoted to me, and we have a perfect, loving relationship.
My question: What, if anything, should I do about this rumor? When I'm back on the scene, I'm afraid it's going to make our working environment uncomfortable for all three of us. I want these people to know that the rumor is not true, and they should mind their own business. -- ANXIOUS IN NIAGARA FALLS, N.Y.
DEAR ANXIOUS: Do nothing about the rumor. To bring it up will only fuel the gossip. If someone mentions it, say you've already heard about it and then change the subject. When you're back on the scene, interacting normally with both your fiance and your co-worker, the rumor should die a natural death.
DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Hopeful in Kentucky," the man whose wife is a gambler, was right on the money. Pathological gambling was first identified as a mental disorder in 1980. According to the American Psychiatric Association, pathological gambling can be identified if a person exhibits at least five of the following 10 symptoms:
(1) Is preoccupied with gambling.
(2) Tries unsuccessfully to control, cut back or stop.
(3) Gambles with increasing amounts of money.
(4) Becomes restless or irritable when attempting to cut back or stop.
(5) Gambles as a way of escaping problems or relieving feelings of helplessness, guilt, anxiety or depression.
(6) After losing money gambling, often returns to get even.
(7) Lies to family members, therapists or others to conceal the extent of gambling.
(8) Commits illegal acts such as forgery, fraud, theft or embezzlement to finance gambling.
(9) Jeopardizes or loses a significant relationship, job, or educational or career opportunity because of gambling.
(10) Relies on others to provide money to relieve a desperate financial situation caused by gambling. -- ERIC GEFFNER, PH.D., CERTIFIED COMPULSIVE GAMBLER COUNSELOR, BEVERLY HILLS, CALIF.
DEAR DR. GEFFNER: After that letter appeared, several readers wrote to point out that people with gambling problems should contact Gamblers Anonymous, P.O. Box 17173, Los Angeles, CA 90017, or call (213) 386-8789. The Web site is: www.gamblersanonymous.org.
Also, the National Council on Compulsive Gambling, a nonprofit organization, refers gamblers to qualified mental health professionals who have been trained to work with gamblers and their families. The hotline number is: 1-800-522-4700.
In Laws Are Puzzled by Cool Reception During Holiday Visit
DEAR ABBY: We were invited to spend Thanksgiving with our son and daughter-in-law -- a three-day drive for us, but we were eager to spend time with family and see our grandchildren.
We make it a point to keep our visits short. They are busy young people with lots to do. We take them all out to dinner at least once during our visit, and offer to help wherever needed.
However, our daughter-in-law remained cool and distant. It made us feel we weren't a part of their family. She kept herself occupied reading books or sewing, or she would go into their bedroom and close the door and we wouldn't see her again until morning. Her behavior made us feel we were unwelcome and in the way.
Abby, we could use some pointers on what to do -- and what not to do -- while visiting our married children. Please help. -- PUZZLED MOTHER-IN-LAW
DEAR PUZZLED: You appear to be gracious people. I'm not sure the problem is yours, and giving you any pointers seems beside the point. If she usually behaves that way during your visits, your daughter-in-law may have insecurity or self-esteem issues that make it difficult for her to entertain houseguests, or she could simply be a "loner." Whatever her reasons, you're overdue for a private talk with your son to help you understand what's really going on.
DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are being married next summer. We have asked my niece and nephew, who will both be teen-agers, to be in the wedding. They were delighted.
The problem is that they live out of town with their mother, "Rosie." Their father (my brother) lives in the same city.
In the past when my parents wanted to see the children, transportation would have to be provided to get them here. Rosie didn't want the children to fly, so Mom and Dad had to drive both ways. My brother helped with transportation when he could, but it was mostly up to my parents to provide it.
My fiance doesn't want Rosie at the wedding. I have no strong feelings one way or the other. What would be the right thing to do? -- CONFUSED BRIDE-TO-BE
DEAR BRIDE: You should not be obligated to invite Rosie, particularly in light of the fact that your fiance would prefer she not attend. If your brother is attending the wedding, he should provide transportation for his children.
DEAR ABBY: May I respond to "Happy Grandmother, Dallas," the grandma of an adopted baby girl, who paid tribute to the courageous sacrifice made by the child's birth mother?
I cried when I read her letter. Her kind, loving words touched me and helped to heal a part of me that has been empty and aching. You see, I recently celebrated the 10th birthday of my son, whom I placed for adoption.
Abby, there are many women like me -- women who are grieving quietly -- wondering every day if what we did was the right thing. Just one small "thank you," even if it was not meant specifically for me, makes me smile and puts a new spring in my step. That's exactly what "Grandma's" letter did for me, and I want to express my thanks. -- SMILING IN THE CAROLINAS
DEAR SMILING: I'm pleased that you found that letter comforting. You -- and all birth mothers who have given up their children -- deserve a star in your crown for having made the most unselfish (and painful) decision a parent can make.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Movie Disclaimer Might Help Fans Separate Fiction and Fact
DEAR ABBY: Everyone seems to complain about violence in movies and television. Perhaps filmmakers would agree to put a disclaimer in the credits (similar to "No animals were injured in the making of this film"). It could read:
"In this film, the bullets were blanks, the blood was fake, the wounds were makeup, the car crashes were stunts, the explosions were special effects, the fights were rehearsed, and the sex was simulated. Do not try any of these things at home." -- EDDY HILL, SHERMAN OAKS, CALIF.
DEAR EDDY: Your clever disclaimer might serve as a helpful reminder to audiences who forget that what they see on screen is entertainment and not reality. Some people, children in particular, have difficulty differentiating between the two -- and I can sympathize with them. After sitting through some recent movies, I wish I had paid with play money.
DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, you shared a recipe for a wonderful cheesecake. I made it several times, and it was such a hit at our family get-togethers that they are asking for it again. I'm ashamed to say, though, I misplaced the recipe. Would you please print it again for me -- and for everyone who may have missed it then? It was simple to make and delicious. -- A.B. IN HAMMOND, LA.
DEAR A.B.: I'm pleased to help. It can be found in my cookbooklet set that includes other favorite family recipes, such as my Coconut Cake With Custard Frosting, Chocolate Cake With Fluffy White Frosting, my "to die for" Heavenly Peanut Butter Pie and my Chocolate Mousse. Read on:
ABBY'S CHEESECAKE
CRUST:
1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1/2 cup butter, melted (1 stick)
1/3 cup powdered sugar
CHEESECAKE:
3 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
4 eggs
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 pint dairy sour cream (at room temperature)
1 (21-ounce) can prepared cherry, blueberry or strawberry pie filling
1. Heat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Combine graham cracker crumbs, powdered sugar and melted butter. Press into bottom of 8-inch springform pan.
3. In a large bowl, beat cream cheese, eggs, sugar and vanilla until smooth. Pour mixture over prepared crust.
4. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes (until center is set).
5. Remove from oven and spread sour cream on top of cheesecake. Return to oven and bake an additional 5 minutes.
6. Remove from oven and allow to cool. Spread desired topping on cheesecake.
7. Chill overnight. Before serving, carefully remove sides from pan. Serves 16.
Tip: To minimize cracking, place shallow pan half full of hot water on lower rack of oven during baking. And be sure the sour cream is at room temperature when you spread it on.
Readers, to purchase my cookbooklet set, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)