Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Please help me and others who are constantly asked to give donations. I am a university professor at retirement age; I have a modest salary. Fortunately, I am frugal and thus able to lead a comfortable life.
I contribute to numerous causes. Helping my fellow human beings is a moral duty from which I derive great satisfaction. Yes, I realize there are catastrophes in this world, and I do add something to my contribution whenever I can. However, I am unable to do it all the time.
Every year, I send checks to more than 80 charities, and I make it a point to label each donation "annual contribution for the year" -- to no avail. Still I continue to receive three to four daily requests and/or "gifts." Besides the inconvenience of all this unasked-for and unwanted mail, I'm concerned about the waste of paper and the money that should go to philanthropy and not marketing.
How can I convince charities to accept the fact that I can send them only one check a year? Could you suggest that these associations label us "once-a-year contributors" and stop showering us with requests and gifts the rest of the year? Believe me, Abby, I would be most grateful. -- NOT A MILLIONAIRE, COLUMBIA, S.C.
DEAR NOT A MILLIONAIRE: I could suggest that charities send solicitations only once a year -- but the effort would be useless. Many large charities have become automated. The donor lists have become part of a computer information bank, and requests for money are spit out and mailed a minimum of several times a year. One would think the expenditure of paper and postage would be taken into consideration, but they must make so much money that they can afford to waste it.
At one time, I was in your situation regarding a charity in Los Angeles. I, too, was concerned when I continued to be solicited almost monthly. I called a development person at the charity and asked to be solicited only once a year. During the next few months, I continued to receive requests for money from them -- and then a package arrived containing a useless "gift," because I was such a "valued friend" of the charity.
Since that was not how I wanted my donations spent, I contacted a much smaller charity that does similar work and solicits me only once a year. It now receives the donation I previously gave to the larger program.
P.S. It has been years, and I still receive requests from the large charity. I throw them away unopened.
DEAR ABBY: I don't have enough money to quit working, but I want to. I have this desire to live my life freely. I would like to travel around the world and get to know new people and rich men. If possible, I would like to meet handsome, kind men. How can I do this? -- THE WISHER, MADRID, SPAIN
DEAR WISHER: Unless you win a lottery or an unexpected inheritance of some size comes your way, traveling without earning an income is indeed a fantasy. However, it's refreshing to learn that some fantasies are universal.
If you are willing to work while you travel, apply for a position as a crew member for a cruise line or a business that provides private jets to upscale companies. You're sure to meet new people in such a job. Unfortunately, there's no guarantee that the men you'll meet will be rich, handsome and kind. However, with luck, you might score two out of three.
Good Laugh Goes a Long Way in Healthy, Loving Relationship
DEAR ABBY: In the continuing saga of how men are different from women, let me share this with you.
Peter, my significant other, was involved in a men's counseling group. One of the topics about which they were to report back during their next meeting was "What Women Want From Men in Their Relationships." Members of the group discussed reading the "Women Seeking Men" personal ads to get a better understanding of what women want. (Pretty ingenious if you think about it!)
I told Peter he should do some home study and ask me. I explained that women need to feel loved, wanted, beautiful and needed by their partner. I was in the only bathroom of our home putting the finishing touches on my face, and I asked Peter if he thought he had recently met these qualities in our relationship.
His clever reply was: "I LOVED you last night. I WANTED you to make coffee this morning. You look BEAUTIFUL today -- and I NEED you to get out of the bathroom RIGHT NOW!"
May I add that one important quality women need from men in a relationship is HUMOR. Humor makes anything possible -- and I thank the Lord that my darling has it in abundance. -- SUSAN IN SANTA FE, N.M.
DEAR SUSAN: Peter got his message across, so he is a skilled communicator. And because he's in a counseling group, it's apparent he's interested in personal growth. I think you've found a "keeper."
DEAR ABBY: My 10-year-old daughter, "Amber," stays home one or two hours by herself after school until I return home from work. She has rules to go by; however, she has been known to break them.
Amber answers the door when she shouldn't and leaves the door unlocked. She doesn't take seriously the bad things that can happen to her.
I have an idea that may put her in touch with reality. I'm thinking of asking a male friend to go to my house and knock on the door -- which I know Amber will answer. At that time, my friend would pretend to be a pushy salesman. He would insist on coming into the house and waiting for her mother. That's as far as I've gotten.
Is this a bad idea? I don't want to scare her into having nightmares, but I want her to know how important it is to be wary of strangers and to follow the rules. -- CONCERNED KNOXVILLE MOM
DEAR CONCERNED: Yes, it's a bad idea. I know it's tempting, but such a ruse would be dishonest and potentially traumatizing. When your daughter discovers you play "tricks," it might give her a false sense of security. Also, your credibility would be damaged for years to come, and your daughter would always wonder what kind of trick you would pull next -- and I wouldn't blame her.
DEAR ABBY: If you think your husband is cheating with another woman, do you think it's all right for the wife to ask the woman if she's having an affair with her husband? -- WIFE OF A WANDERING HUSBAND
DEAR WIFE: Absolutely. And who knows? She may be delighted to give you chapter and verse.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY MUSLIM READERS: Happy Eid Ul-Fitr.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Funeral Consumers Alliance Is Buried Under by Orders for Kits
DEAR ABBY: I always knew your column was powerful, but perhaps you'd like to hear just how effective it can be. Your October mention of our end-of-life planning kit flooded our offices with 50,000 orders, and they're still coming in! The notes with the orders show how much this idea has clicked with the public:
"Just what I need to get organized."
"I've put this off for a long time. I knew it was meant for me."
"I love this idea. Please send 20 more. Everyone in my family is getting one."
"The refrigerator is one place I'm sure my family will find it."
But we're suffering from success -- and I'm not sure which word to emphasize. We had expected perhaps 10,000 orders -- not five times as many. We're shipping the kits as fast as our volunteers can assemble them. Our crews work night and day, seven days a week. Now the folks whose orders haven't been shipped are complaining. As one senior put it, "Time gallops for us." Several people have even wondered if we're "another senior rip-off."
Please let your readers know that we won't cash their check or charge their credit card until we're ready to ship their order. And further, we will be most grateful for their patience in the meantime. Thank you! -- LISA CARLSON, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, FUNERAL CONSUMERS ALLIANCE INC.
DEAR LISA: First, let me vouch for the fact that the Funeral Consumers Alliance is on the up-and-up. You have been a trusted source of information about the funeral industry for years, and it has always been a pleasure talking with you.
Second: On one hand, I'm sorry you have been "buried" with orders, and on the other, I'm very pleased. I am sure that once the readers who ordered kits receive them, they will prove to be useful.
Third: You need some more help in filling those orders! If you've run out of volunteers, consider hiring some temps. We both work in the service of others -- and there are important needs to be met.
DEAR ABBY: My husband wants me to start my own business because he hates paying the government four months of his salary. I don't think I'm cut out to be a businesswoman. How can I stop him from hassling me about it? -- NOT AN ENTREPRENEUR IN FLORIDA
DEAR NOT: What makes your husband think business owners need not pay a fair share of taxes to the government? Starting your own business would not excuse you (and him) from that responsibility.
Visit the nearest Small Business Administration office (it is listed in the phone book) and obtain guidelines for small businesses. Then show your husband how much tax responsibility a business owner must shoulder.
Also make a list of the benefits he reaps as a taxpayer, such as good highways, Social Security, education, fire- fighting, police protection, military readiness to ensure our freedom, etc. Your husband seems to be a person who takes these benefits for granted. Perhaps your research and the list will clue your husband in to the facts of life.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS OF AFRICAN HERITAGE: Have a joyous Kwanzaa.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)