To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Phone Bill Provides Expensive Education in Computer Access
DEAR ABBY: I almost had a heart attack when I opened my phone bill. It was more than $800. I called the phone company and told them it had to be a mistake. To make a long story short, it was because of our computer-access phone number.
We recently moved 60 miles away. We were supposed to change the access phone number to a local number, but we didn't because we don't know much about computers and didn't realize we should. After talking to the telephone company representative, we changed access numbers, but not before the next billing cycle -- and we received a phone bill for another $800. This bill cannot be negotiated, so we are paying it in monthly installments.
Abby, please warn your readers to be sure they change their access phone numbers for their computers if they move. Otherwise, they will receive the shock we did. -- SORRY, WRONG NUMBER
DEAR SORRY: Yours was an expensive lesson. I hope that readers will learn from your eye-opening experience, and not procrastinate about changing their access number when the need arises.
DEAR ABBY: Could you please, please publish a letter in your column in which the age gap between a man and a woman is in the "other" direction, i.e., the wife is older than the husband? There are a lot more older women than men in the United States.
Thank you, thank you, Abby. -- SYLVIE IN PLANTATION, FLA.
DEAR SYLVIE: I happen to have just the thing. It arrived in the same batch as your letter. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are celebrating our 21st wedding anniversary today. My wife is 72 and I am 43. I'm not going to claim it has always been a "bed of roses," but we are quite happy with our life.
We have no children together, but I have two wonderful stepdaughters and one fantastic 3-year-old grandson.
I believe that everyone who knows us -- including the ones who doubted my intentions -- will agree we are a very compatible couple. Most people thought I was marrying her for her money. That's a laugh, considering I had more than she did. -- A NOTE FROM THE "OTHER SIDE"
DEAR "OTHER SIDE": Best wishes to you and your wife on your anniversary. Nowhere is it written that the husband "must" be older than the wife. In fact, my husband is six weeks younger than I am -- and it hasn't bothered either of us a bit.
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Ticked Off in Louisiana," who was concerned by the many thumbtack holes resulting from his stepdaughter's posters, brought back a fond memory.
When our teen-age daughter wanted to paint one wall of her bedroom black, I choked and sputtered, but I didn't criticize. My wife and daughter spent a memorable afternoon together painting and redoing the room. I was enlisted to remove the bed frame so she could have her mattress on the floor. She loved it. She was the envy of her friends, who chorused, "What cool parents!"
When our "baby" left home a few years later, I spent a bittersweet afternoon repainting her bedroom. It was a four-hour trade-off for a precious memory and an ongoing relationship with a daughter who is loving, respectful and cherished.
Someone once said about running a company, "Take care of the little problems, and the big ones will take care of themselves." It works in life as well. -- SAN DIEGO DAD
DEAR DAD: I agree with that philosophy. Since the letter from "Ticked Off" appeared in my column, I have been inundated with mail. Readers inform me that there are now adhesive products that allow posters to be displayed without damaging walls. I received samples of two products offered by 3M that feature Command Adhesive, which the company claims will come off cleanly without damaging the surface of the wall.
Girl Wants to Date Younger Boy but Fears What Others May Say
DEAR ABBY: I am a teen-age girl, and there is this guy at my school. He asked me out on a date. I don't know what to say. I really want to go, but I'm afraid that my friends and others will make fun of us because he's a year younger than me.
And there is one more problem: He is my best friend's brother. I'm not sure -- but I "kinda know" -- how she's going to take it. But what should I do about my friends? I know my best friend is going to take it well, but I don't know how my other friends are going to take it.
So what should I do? Signed ... ONE OF YOUR FANS (MANDY)
P.S. I read your column every time it's in the paper.
DEAR MANDY: You must decide what's more important to you, pleasing yourself or pleasing your other friends. If the choice were mine and I was teased because I went out with someone a year younger, I would reply, "Well, I LIKE him, and I think he's very cute." There are times you have to stand up for what you believe in.
DEAR ABBY: After five years of marriage, I find myself in the middle of divorce proceedings. I'll spare you the gory details, but suffice it to say that my wife left me for a co-worker. Luckily there are no children involved, so other than the emotional pain, the process is primarily financial at this point.
As part of the proposed settlement, I am responsible for returning the personal effects she left behind when she abandoned our home. Most items are easy to deal with, such as clothing, shoes, etc. However, other things are causing a dilemma for me. These are the items that have a connection with our marriage. In particular, I'm troubled by what to do with our wedding album.
In one sense it represents a part of my life and my family history, even though it's been painful. On the other hand, the album is a reminder of the failure of our marriage and the promises that we made to each other. Its financial value is virtually nil, and she has not explicitly requested its return. I want to do the right thing, but not at the expense of my own well-being.
Abby, can you please offer your thoughts on how to deal with this while still remaining a gentleman? -- FEELING TORN IN PITTSBURGH
DEAR FEELING TORN: With pleasure. If you want the album, keep it. Your (almost) former wife can order copies from the photographer who took the pictures.
DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law baby-sits my 2-year-old son once a week. She is a chain-smoker, smoking one cigarette after another while our son is there. When he returns home, he is saturated in smoke, and I have to bathe him immediately and wash his clothes. He has complained twice that his eyes hurt. For obvious reasons, I do not want him around all that smoke.
Unfortunately, in my husband's eyes, his mother can do no wrong. Abby, is there anything I can do? -- HATES TOBACCO IN TENNESSEE
DEAR HATES TOBACCO: Talk to your son's pediatrician and ask him to schedule an appointment that includes your husband.
Secondhand smoke IS dangerous for babies and small children, and your husband should be made aware of the risk that his son is facing at the home of his chain-smoking -- and obviously addicted -- grandmother.
CONFIDENTIAL TO EDWARD JAY: Happy birthday, son. Your father and I are so very proud of you.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Quilters Rattled by Raffle Try to Do the Right Thing
DEAR ABBY: We have a unique problem and hope that you can help us. We are members of a quilt-making club. The quilts we make are well thought of. Once a year, we raffle off one of them, and therein lies our problem.
The man who won this year's quilt is not very well thought of. In fact, some people here consider him "scum." Nevertheless, his name was drawn, and we draw only once. The ladies were shocked. They stood there with their mouths open. Some of them said if they had known he would be the winner, they would not have worked so hard on the quilt. Others suggested that we draw again -- which, in fact, we did.
Then one club member spoke up and said it wasn't fair. The man won the quilt fair and square. Buying a raffle ticket was the only requirement involved.
I can see no way around giving that man the quilt. I believe honesty is the best policy. Can you help us to do the right thing? -- TROUBLE IN PARADISE
DEAR TROUBLE: Consider this: If you give the quilt to someone else, you will put yourselves on the same moral level as the man you have labeled as "scum." So do the honest thing -- give him the quilt and hold a good thought. Perhaps the love and care that went into crafting it will rub off on him, and he'll be better for it.
DEAR ABBY: Both my grown daughters work, and I take care of their daughters for them. Granted, I have them only a few hours a day, but I still have to feed them and give them snacks and juice.
All I ask in return is $20 for each child every two weeks to help pay for the food and beverages.
My older daughter says it's definitely worth it to her, as it would cost far more for someone else to care for her daughter. My younger daughter and her husband, however, are throwing a fit. They insist that a grandmother should never charge money to watch her own grandchild. I also watch them on weekends and barely get a thank-you.
What is your opinion, Abby? Am I ... A GRANDMA OR A DOORMAT?
DEAR GRANDMA: Twenty dollars per child for every two weeks seems reasonable to me. I'm sure you wouldn't ask your daughters to chip in if you didn't need the money. Your younger daughter is looking a gift horse in the mouth. Tell her to stop saying "nay" and pony up the money or provide her own lunches and snacks.
P.S. Your older daughter is right. Child care costs a bundle these days, and anyone who doubts it should check it out.
DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I have this little disagreement about how to eat properly.
I eat with the fork in my left hand and my knife in my right hand. I have the fork facing downward, so I don't have to ever let go of my fork to eat. My girlfriend holds the utensil in the same hands, but she puts down her knife and switches her fork to her right hand to eat.
We saw on a Web site that both ways are correct. However, we want to have the final answer and figured you would be a good mediator. -- HUNGRY COUPLE, EAU CLAIRE, WIS.
DEAR HUNGRY COUPLE: You and your girlfriend are both eating "properly." You are doing it in the European style, and your girlfriend is doing it in the American style. You don't need a mediator. The person with the bone to pick needs to exercise a little more tolerance.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY JEWISH READERS: Happy and blessed Hanukkah!
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)