Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Knowing How to Swim Doesn't Protect Kids From Drowning
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Concerned in California," regarding her fears about her child drowning while visiting relatives who have unprotected swimming pools, prompted me to write. Her fears are well founded. You were on target telling her that her sister and ex-husband were ignorant about child safety.
As mothers -- and emergency flight nurses with 30 years of combined experience -- we can testify that any unfenced pool in the vicinity of any child is a prescription for tragedy. It does not matter that a child knows how to swim. "Swimmers" drown every day.
Statistics collected by the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission paint a frightening picture of childhood drownings and swimming pools:
-- 77 percent of the drowned children had been seen five minutes or less before being missed, and subsequently discovered in the pool.
-- 69 percent of the accidents occurred while one or both parents were responsible for supervision.
-- 65 percent of the accidents happened in a pool owned by the child's family.
-- 39 percent of the supervisors were doing chores.
-- 18 percent were socializing.
-- 9 percent were busy on the telephone.
Thank you, Abby, for letting us share this information. -- MICHELLE WILT, RN, KATHLEEN O'BRIEN, RN, ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.
DEAR MICHELLE AND KATHLEEN: I hope your sobering statistics will serve as a warning to parents, relatives and caregivers of children everywhere, especially those in warm climates where swimming pools are common.
And thank you for sending me the following list of "Drowning Prevention Tips for Pool Owners," published by the National Network of Trauma Professionals. Read on:
1. Never leave a child unattended in the water or pool area for any reason.
2. Always keep your eyes on the child or children. Designate a child watcher, whether you or someone else, when you attend a party or have friends or family over.
3. Talk with baby sitters about pool safety and supervision.
4. Post rules such as "No running," "No pushing," "No dunking" and "Never swim alone." Enforce the rules.
5. Don't rely on swimming lessons or "floaties" to protect your children in the water.
6. Don't assume that drowning or a drowning incident couldn't happen to you or your family.
7. Don't be lulled into a false sense of security just because you think your pool area and home are secure. Always watch your children, whether in the house or outside.
8. Attend a CPR class. Make sure your baby sitter knows CPR.
9. For the nearest cardiopulmonary resuscitation class, contact your fire department, Red Cross or hospital.
10. Encourage your neighbors to follow pool safety guidelines, including keeping their back gates and doors locked, and their pool gates securely closed and latched.
DEAR ABBY: You may relate to this. You realize you're getting old when you notice a nice-looking, gray-haired man and realize that he's probably young enough to be your son. -- HELEN FOWLER, ASHEVILLE, N.C.
DEAR HELEN: Right! Or you notice that touch-ups have gotten expensive.
Raising Child With Disability Is Journey Full of Surprise
DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, a mother of a disabled child sent you a moving essay, "Welcome to Holland." It became one of my most treasured pieces, but unfortunately I have lost my copy. Could you please reprint it for me and your readers? -- A GRANDMA IN NASHVILLE
DEAR GRANDMA: With pleasure. I am frequently asked to reprint the essay written by Emily Perl Kingsley, a wonderful mother whose child had Down syndrome. October is National Down Syndrome Awareness Month, and this essay is dedicated to the parents and grandparents of all children who cope with disabilities.
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability -- to try to help people who have not shared the unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this ...
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip -- to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. Michelangelo's "David." The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. You must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.
Readers, this is Abby again: For information about Down syndrome, and to be put in touch with local Down syndrome organizations, write to the National Down Syndrome Congress, 7000 Peachtree-Dunwoody Road NE, Building 5, Suite 100, Atlanta, GA 30328-1655. Its hotline -- (800) 232-NDSC (6372) -- also offers a wealth of information on any subject related to Down syndrome. A telephone call can provide you with that difficult-to-find information or assist you in establishing contact with other parents of children with Down syndrome. The Web site is: www.ndsccenter.org.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Attempt to Boost Friend's Ego Leaves Winner Feeling Guilty
DEAR ABBY: I just returned from the gym, and I feel terrible. My friend, "Norm," and I are experienced racquetball players, but only recently began playing against each other. Norm has never beaten me and is rarely able to keep the score close.
I recently read about a man in his 70s -- a scratch golfer -- who occasionally loses to lesser players when he feels they could use an ego boost. Of course, the other player has no idea that he has been allowed to win.
When I got to the gym this morning for my game with Norm, he began his litany of woes: divorced, estranged from family, barely ekes out a good living, etc. I immediately thought about the golf story, and decided that Norm would win today.
The game started strongly in Norm's favor. I had my hands full just trying to keep up with him. I had decided to keep it close -- hit most of the shots to his strong forehand and avoid his weak backhand at all costs. Several times I had to rally to tie up the score. Before long, Norm had 20 points to my 15 (21 wins it). At that point I did all I could to feed his forehand, not hit any tough shots and let him make the winning shot. He was unable to do so.
Finally, after a long volley, Norm hit the ball to me in a perfect "kill" situation. Before I knew what had happened, the game was over. I had won again.
Afterward, I told Norm he had played a great game and complimented him on his effort. However, my words felt hollow. I had won. He had lost. The opportunity was gone. I feel miserable. My competitive nature would not give up.
What now? -- FEELING GUILTY IN ALBUQUERQUE
DEAR FEELING GUILTY: Now you continue playing racquetball with Norm and forgo throwing any of the games. Norm gave you a run for your money, and soon he's going to beat you fair and square. When he does, the victory will be genuine and the two of you should go out and celebrate. That is, if your competitive nature will permit you to enjoy another person's victory.
DEAR ABBY: I am confused. I received an invitation to my uncle's 80th birthday party, which is being given by his children. The invitation states, "No presents but your presence."
The other night my sister and mother asked me what I was giving to my uncle for his birthday. I said nothing but a card, as the invitation requested. My mother said she knows what the invitation said, but she was going to give him money, and my sister said she wasn't sure what she was giving, but she knows that my cousins would give "something" to my father under similar circumstances.
I was viewed as "difficult" by both of them because I feel strongly that you follow what an invitation requests, and it's unfair to others not to. My sister said, "Why is it that the people who choose not to do what they want are made to feel awkward?" I answered, "It's not you who's made to feel awkward; it's the people who follow instructions and come without a gift while others show up with one."
Please help, Abby. I don't know what to do or what is right. -- BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE IN OHIO
DEAR BETWEEN: You are not "difficult" for following your host's instructions. Guests who feel they "must" do something for the honoree when no gifts have been requested may make a donation in that person's name to his or her favorite charity. That way, no one is embarrassed for having followed the host's instructions.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)