What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Ex Boyfriend's Manipulative Power Is All in Girl's Mind
DEAR ABBY: After being apart for two years, I recently encountered this guy I used to go with. He was always a manipulative jerk. But once again, I let him kiss me and shivers went down my spine.
He gave me his phone number; however, I keep getting his answering machine. I'm dying to talk to him, even though he always treated me so badly. I can't stop thinking about him. It's driving me crazy.
I can't leave my number on his machine, because I live with my boyfriend. I realize it's not good for me to talk to him, but for some reason, I feel I need to. I can't make myself throw away his number either, because I've already got it memorized.
Why, oh why am I so desperate to contact him? Is it because he has this manipulative power over me? -- GOING CRAZY OVER A JERK
DEAR GOING CRAZY: Heck no! This isn't about anything your former boyfriend is "doing" to you -- you're doing this to yourself. On some level, you have a need to be punished, and he is providing it.
Unless you stop obsessing and let it go, your compulsion will cost you the boyfriend you already have.
DEAR ABBY: Bless Jack Salisbury's heart, whose letter explained that people with a hearing impairment can be in danger because of their inability to hear high-frequency sounds. Due to loud explosions and the constant roar of airplanes during World War II, I am profoundly deaf in the high frequencies. I don't hear birds singing, the music of piccolos, cell phones or smoke alarms.
I have stood unaware beneath a blaring smoke alarm while my wife called to me from three rooms away asking if I had burned the toast!
Abby, I have brought this problem to the attention of fire chiefs and smoke alarm companies, however nothing has been done about it. The alarm companies point out that there are alarms with strobe lights, which is true -- but they can't take the place of alarms we can hear.
What is needed are appliances with frequencies of 1,500 to 2,000 megahertz. Most of us can distinguish those frequencies. Please bring this issue to the attention of those who can solve the problem. -- KEMAL SAIED, SAND SPRINGS, OKLA.
DEAR KEMAL: Fully one-third of our population over the age of 65 has significant hearing loss. Add to that the number of younger people whose hearing has been impaired from rock concerts and discotheques, and the market for appliances such as you describe becomes appreciable. A basic principle of business is the importance of continual improvement. I hope at least one entrepreneur or inventor will take note of these facts and regard your complaint as an opportunity.
P.S. Another point worth noting: People with hearing loss are frequently in denial about it. Untreated hearing loss can lead not only to isolation, anxiety, frustration and depression, it can also lead to accidents and suicide -- more reasons why it's so important to get one's hearing checked regularly, and if a hearing aid is indicated, to use one.
HONEST SUPERVISOR GOES EXTRA MILE TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Still Connected in Boise," whose cell phone was stolen when she left it on the seat in her car. My husband and I had a similar experience last year.
We were having a dish antenna installed in our home in Mexico to improve both TV and Internet reception. This installation took two days -- from morning into evening. Because the team of three men worked so hard, we provided dinner for them and a place to nap for the young wife of the team supervisor.
The morning after the installation was complete, I was to take a long car trip, and being in a strange country, decided to take my cell phone for safety. Imagine my surprise when we realized that our cell phone was missing! Like "Boise," we tried calling the phone number, but by that time the phone had been reprogrammed, and our number was no longer in service. We telephoned the supervisor to explain the situation. We were assured that the thief couldn't possibly have been one of his trusted employees, even though the ability to reprogram the phone indicated otherwise.
Months later, when we returned to our home in Mexico, there was a message waiting for us from the supervisor. We called him, and he apologized profusely, explaining that one day shortly after the original incident (but after our departure from Mexico), he saw one of his employees using our cell phone. The phone was confiscated, and the man was promptly fired. After speaking with us, this sweet man drove all the way from his city to ours in a borrowed car to return the phone. It still amazes us that after all those months, he went to the trouble to make things right for a customer he would probably never see again. -- CAROLE S. IN PITTSBURGH
DEAR CAROLE: Thanks for an upper of a letter. The supervisor for your installation job was a man of sterling character. There are no time limits for fulfilling one's responsibilities. His employer is fortunate to have such a terrific representative. Although he may never see you again, I'm willing to bet that if anyone mentions having electronic equipment installed in your presence, you'll give the supervisor's company a heartfelt endorsement.
P.S. I hope you'll clip this column and send it with a letter of thanks to that man's boss. It belongs in his employment file.
DEAR ABBY: Here is a tip for people who send holiday or special-occasion cards or letters. PLEASE DATE THEM! Many of us keep these greetings as mementos and delight in reviewing them at a later date. It's nice to know when the greeting was sent, and postmarks are not always legible. Dating all correspondence is helpful to the recipients, and numbering pages is also a good idea. -- DATED IN WICHITA, KAN.
DEAR DATED: Smart thinking! And remember to include your last name, just in case Aunt Betty knows seven Mary Janes. A telephone number and return address would also be helpful, especially if you have moved and haven't shared that information with all your relatives and friends.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Ninety-four percent of homes now have smoke alarms, but one in five of them will not sound in case of fire because the batteries are worn or missing. Daylight-saving time ends early tomorrow morning, and it will be time to reset your clocks. Pick up new batteries for your smoke alarms today -- and insert them when you set your clocks back tomorrow. Make it an annual ritual to perform these changes together. It could not only save your life, it will also get you to work on time on Monday!
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Wealthy Sister Keeps Score for Game Sibling Won't Play
DEAR ABBY: My older sister "Jane" and I used to be close. She married 10 years ago, and her husband has done very well. Jane is a stay-at-home mom with three children. She and her husband recently purchased a million-dollar home in the wealthy area of our city. I took a different path, and now work full time in an industry I love. I enjoy life with my husband and two children. We have a lovely house in the suburbs.
Lately, whenever Jane and I are together -- whether it's alone or in public -- she has become aggressive about comparing our lifestyles. Although I wish Jane well, she has paid a high price for her affluence. I am not, nor have I ever been, jealous of her status. I have tried to convince her of this, but she tunes me out and continues her monologue about her nanny, housekeeper, new cottage, etc. I'm sure you get the picture. I have almost come to the point where I don't want to see her anymore.
Please guide me through this, Abby. I am annoyed and frustrated. How shall I handle this in the future? -- YOUNGER SIS
DEAR YOUNGER SIS: You can't change other people, but you can change the way you react to them.
Although your sister "married well," she appears to be insecure and insensitive to the feelings of others. That is pitiable, not enviable. When she starts spouting off, bear that in mind and don't take the bait. It may help you to be more tolerant of her.
DEAR ABBY: I must reply to the letter you reprinted recently from the irate mother whose 16-year-old son received a birthday card from his grandparent with a note enclosed, telling him he was getting only the card -- but no money that year -- because he had failed to send a thank-you note for the money he had been given the year before. You told the mother that you thought the grandmother had given the young man a birthday gift far more valuable than money.
I disagree. One of my greatest pleasures is giving gifts. However, whenever I do so, I must be absolutely certain that it is, in fact, a gift. That means I expect nothing in return -- not even a thank-you. A gift should be given for no other reason than the joy of giving. It should be a celebration of the fact that you have someone to give to. -- GORDON READE, PALO ALTO, CALIF.
DEAR GORDON: I have received a blitz of mail about that letter, and the "reviews" are running 50-50 regarding whether my answer was correct. Perhaps I should have elaborated further.
Teaching children the social graces may not be fun for a parent, but it is a duty, because those skills -- or the lack of them -- will affect the way those children are regarded for the rest of their lives. Failure to teach them is a disservice to the children.
Writing thank-you letters is a skill that must be learned and honed. It doesn't come "naturally." When a gift -- or a kind gesture, for that matter -- goes unacknowledged, it indicates that the recipient thought so little of it that it wasn't even a blip on the radar screen. It sends a terrible message about the manners, sensitivity and upbringing of the person who received the gift.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)