For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: My friend "Natalie" recently called to ask me to be in her wedding. I agreed, of course.
Abby, Natalie is making a huge mistake. They have nothing in common. He drinks a lot and smokes. She doesn't. He puts her down about her weight. She loves children. He doesn't. I could go on and on. She's the nicest person I have ever met, and I think she deserves a lot better.
I think she feels that he's the only man who will marry her. I want her to open her eyes and see this jerk for who he really is, and I don't want her hurt any more, but I'm afraid that if I say anything, it will destroy our friendship.
Abby, Natalie's mother doesn't like her fiance either, but her mother hates Natalie, too. (Her mother has even threatened her life.)
I don't want to be in this wedding because I know the marriage will not last. What can be done to stop Natalie from making the biggest mistake of her life? -- WORRIED ABOUT MY FRIEND
DEAR WORRIED: If Natalie is making serious wedding plans, it's unlikely that she'll listen to what you have to say. Some people have to learn the hard way, and Natalie may be one of them. Be there for her on her big day -- and be around later in case you have to pick up the pieces of her broken heart. That's what friends are for.
DEAR ABBY: Speaking as a visually impaired employee of the LightHouse for the Blind in San Francisco, I was pleased to read the recent letter from the woman who offered helpful suggestions for how one should "behave normally around blind people." The gist of her letter was to treat blind people like everyone else.
I would like to add a simple guideline: If you meet a blind person and you are nervous, pretend you are speaking to him or her on the telephone. When you talk to someone by phone, you don't know if that person is sighted or blind -- green or purple, for that matter -- unless he or she tells you.
Abby, it is truly refreshing when people like you use mainstream media to dispel rather than perpetuate misleading stereotypes about blindness. Thank you. -- DAMIAN PICKERING, DIRECTOR OF COMMUNICATIONS
DEAR DAMIAN: Thank you for the helpful suggestion. It makes sense to me.
DEAR ABBY: I laughed about the woman who tweezed the hairs on her chin in a restaurant. However, I broke into hysterical laughter about the man who whipped out his dentures and swished them in his water goblet, while his companion watched the waves on the shore.
It reminded me of my late, great dad, who had poorly fitting dentures that hurt him when he ate. He finally became so desperate that he took them out in the middle of a meal, laid them on the table and told us, "YOU eat with them, if you can!"
Thanks, Abby, for publishing human stories. It's good to laugh when one is all alone. I appreciate it so much. -- EVELYNE IN HAZEL GREEN, ALA.
DEAR EVELYNE: Your letter reminds me of that old line, "He probably wanted to keep from biting off more than he could chew."
KIDS ON PLANES ARE SAFEST BUCKLED IN THEIR OWN SEATS
DEAR ABBY: In reference to the letter from the Los Angeles plastic surgeon regarding facial disfigurement of children who are allowed to stand in a moving car, may I add my 2 cents' worth?
I am a flight attendant for a major airline, and while the captain does not usually "jam on the brakes," we DO hit unexpected turbulence. Planes can drop 500 feet in a matter of seconds. Guess where a small child who's not in a seatbelt goes? To the ceiling!
I write this out of sheer frustration with uneducated -- or perhaps lazy -- parents. The FAA does not mandate that a child UNDER the age of 2 be in his or her own seat. This is shameful and absurd. We, the flight crew, are required to ensure that all carry-on luggage is safely stowed, yet our most precious cargo, these little human beings, can be on an adult's lap. I applaud parents who pay the extra money and purchase a seat for the child, and extra kudos when they bring along a car seat. If there is an extra seat available, I ALWAYS move other passengers so "lap baby" can have his or her own seat, explaining to parents that it is safer. Guess what? They give me a blank stare and say: "Oh, she won't sit still in her own seat. She'll cry. I'll just hold her."
Let me offer this graphic thought: Parents, if the plane DOES crash and your baby is on your lap, the baby becomes a human air bag for you. Your baby will die instantly. I had a passenger tearfully tell me that this happened to her. She is now crippled, and her only child (who would be 9 now) was killed.
I urge all parents and grandparents to write to Congress and insist that every passenger -- even babies -- be in a seat. The FAA's argument that families will not pay for the extra seat because the cost is prohibitive is unfounded. Most airlines offer a lower rate for children. The FAA says that people will turn to driving, which will cause more road accidents. This is conjecture.
I know this letter is long, but please pass along this important message. Believe me, it will be clipped by thousands of airline crews and shown to passengers. -- A CONCERNED FLIGHT ATTENDANT
DEAR CONCERNED: You have issued a chilling warning to the parents of small children, and I sincerely hope it's one that will be heeded. A plane hitting an air pocket and suddenly losing altitude is not something we hear about every day. However, I recall that it happened to Air Force One a year or so ago, and to a commercial flight just this month -- so it's something that should be taken very seriously. ALL passengers should stay buckled up while they are in their seats.
DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with a nice gentleman for more than a year now. I'm a single parent and own my own home.
My problem is that he still lives with his ex-wife and children. He says that because of the child-support payments he has been unable to get a place of his own. I love him very much and suggested he move in with me -- but he never responded. This has stressed our relationship.
Abby, should I continue to wait for him, or should I cut the ties? He's told me for more than a year that he's been looking for a place of his own, but his pride won't let him move "just anywhere." He says, "Be patient -- good things come to those who wait." -- J.Y.V., TAMPA, FLA.
DEAR J.Y.V.: Perhaps, but not always. I vote to cut the ties. I strongly suspect that the "nice gentleman" you are involved with is still married.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Taking Deceased's Property Is Burglary, Plain and Simple
DEAR ABBY: The letter about the ex-wife who removed property from the home of her former mother-in-law on the day of the woman's funeral prompts this letter. You were right when you advised that what the woman did qualifies as criminal activity. Entering a dwelling in order to remove property not your own is a felony called burglary.
I would not merely call my lawyer; I would immediately notify the police before the ex-wife disposes of the property.
Having knowledge of a crime and failing to report that crime is also a violation in some jurisdictions. The irony here is that the son of the deceased may be adding to the offense by failing to notify the police.
Also, the executor of the estate has an additional duty, enforced by the probate court, to secure and properly dispose of the deceased's assets. Failing to do so is also an offense.
You knew all of this, I'm sure. I am a retired law enforcement officer, but please just sign me ... NOT A LAWYER IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR NOT: I was not aware of much of the information in your letter, and I'm sure it will be of interest to many people.
I received another comment about that letter from an attorney in Louisiana, who informed me that asking one's lawyer to write a letter demanding the property be returned, and threatening to call the law if it's not, could be construed as extortion or coercion. So I'm revising my answer: Waste no time in informing the police about the theft.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have a dilemma over something that occurred at our wedding. We invited my mother's first cousin (whom I've only met twice) and his wife out of courtesy to my grandmother. (My mother is deceased.) The cousin called our home five days before the wedding and INFORMED us that he would be picking up his son from college and bringing him to the wedding, too, "since he's family and all." He said he'd be doing this because it would give the three of them time to spend together.
Given the late notice with which he called, we decided that it was simply too late to add another guest. I spoke with him the following day, and he agreed with us and said it was "no problem" to come without his son.
To our surprise, however, while dancing at our reception, my new bride and I noticed the cousin's wife and son dancing! We don't know when he arrived or if he was there for the ceremony, cocktail party and/or dinner (however, no dinner was ordered for him and no place seating reserved). They never came over to speak to us during the evening, and we decided not to address the issue on our wedding day.
Abby, we spent a year carefully planning our wedding, and as hosts, we felt it was presumptuous of them to make a decision about our guest list against our explicit request. Under the circumstances, we do not feel comfortable accepting their wedding gift. We appreciate the gift, but are too hurt by the disrespect and disregard we feel we were shown to accept it. Should we send a letter explaining our feelings and return the gift, or is there a more appropriate course of action? -- IGNORED IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
DEAR IGNORED: Although I don't blame you for being furious, to return their gift would mean the end of the relationship. Unless you're prepared for that, I wouldn't recommend it. Remember instead the happiness of the occasion, and don't dwell on the faults of these distant relatives.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)