To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Best Friends Pay High Cost for Lessons in Partnership
DEAR ABBY: Last March, my best friend, "Emma," and I opened a business together.
We had a falling out three weeks ago and haven't spoken since. She's very stubborn and can't admit when she's wrong. On a hunch, I called the 24-hour banking service for our business account. Lo and behold, the balance was zero. A week ago it held more than $200. I checked further. There have been four ATM transactions in the last two weeks –- all withdrawals. One was done at a store where business was more than likely done; however, the others were done at the supermarket.
Abby, we were best friends –- or so I thought. I feel Emma stole the money. She didn't let me know we owed people who had helped us get started, so of course I have to pay them back.
I am so angry and hurt I don't know what to do. Our friendship is over. I'm really going to miss that because Emma was like a sister to me. I don't know what to do from here -– take her to court, scream at her, tell the world or just let it go. Your thoughts, please. -– STEPPED ON AND USED IN N.J.
DEAR USED: Now that you have vented, call your former business partner and ask her to account for the money that was supposed to be in the business account. She MAY have had a legitimate reason for withdrawing the funds.
You did not indicate how much money you feel obligated to pay back to the individuals who helped the two of you start the business. Since it was a partnership, you should not be on the hook for more than 50 percent of it. Add to it the money that should have been left in the joint account. If it's more than you can comfortably afford to lose, by all means take her to small claims court. If not, consider this an expensive introductory course in business accounting and safeguarding your investment –- and write her off.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been annoyed by something for some time. We have a few friends who visit us at least twice a week. They insist upon hugging at every greeting and goodbye. Whether at my house, in public or elsewhere -– hugs are expected.
Should we just grin and bear the excessive hugging? Or should we avoid the hug and address the issue with them? –- OVERHUGGED IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.
DEAR OVERHUGGED: Tell your friends, as kindly as possible, that not all people are equally demonstrative –- and that all the hugging they take for granted makes you uncomfortable. Assure them of your caring and friendship, and ask them to please understand. If they are true friends, they will.
DEAR ABBY: When writing thank-you notes, how do you deal with gifts from a group of people? Do you write an individual thank-you to each person who signed the card, or can you send a "group" thank-you? -– TRAECY IN CLACKAMAS, ORE.
DEAR TRAECY: Much depends upon how many people make up the "group." For example, if the group comprises approximately 25 to 30 or more people, one thank-you note would be sufficient.
Bullies Roam the Hallways in Schools Across the U.S.A.
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to the letter from "A Mom Who Loves Her Son, Anywhere, U.S.A." She arranged counseling for her angry son, and she wrote hoping that publicity will be given to counselors specializing in adolescents. She also mentioned that the apparent reason for her son's unhappiness and anger was that he "felt intimidated and threatened by groups of older students at his large suburban high school."
This behavior has a name. It's called BULLYING, and it victimizes millions of schoolchildren every year. Presumably, if the son had not been bullied, he would not have become so angry and would not have NEEDED counseling. Surely this is a perfect example of why there is a need for "prevention" –- the elimination of bullying.
"Mom" wrote in response to the tragedy in Littleton. Immediately after the tragedy, young people themselves also responded by identifying bullying as a serious problem in our schools.
Students in Hillsboro High School in Nashville, Tenn., created the "I WILL PLEDGE" and urged fellow students to sign the pledge not to mock or bully others who dress, act, look or talk differently. At the time, these student observations and efforts were reported in the media. Now the media no longer look to these young experts for input and advice, but have reverted to reporting and quoting only adult "experts" who appear not to have heard the youth. While gun control and violence in the media certainly must be addressed, the adult policy-makers and administrators do not seem to grasp the urgent importance of dealing with bullying consistently over the long term in a public and publicized way.
Only with raised awareness of the widespread and devastating consequences of bullying will society be able to rid itself of the attitude that teasing and taunting are "just something to put up with." Only with raised awareness will educators and school personnel realize and accept that only they can accomplish zero tolerance of the bullying that occurs daily in classrooms, restrooms, hallways, cafeterias, playgrounds and on school buses. Only with raised awareness will millions of silently suffering children from elementary school through high school be spared this humiliation and pain. –- ANOTHER MOM WHO LOVES HER SON, ANYWHERE, U.S.A.
DEAR MOM: You have expressed it beautifully. Your thinking parallels my own. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I am 12 years old. Starting in the fourth grade, no one in my class really cared for me. A boy named "Tom" and a girl named "Megan" were the exceptions.
After fourth grade, Megan gave in to peer pressure, so Tom and I were the outcasts. At the end of the year, Tom moved -– so I spent the first half of the sixth grade as the lone outcast.
My family and I moved to Iowa about a year ago. I enrolled in school and for the first few days I was accepted. Then one day I said or did something that offended the other kids and my old life came back. I am haunted with the name-calling and teasing and feel like I'm going crazy.
I came home from school crying, and have even mentioned suicide to my mom. The teachers have helped some, and I've spoken to two counselors. Today I thought of having a train hit my arm, with the intention of breaking it, to prove my seriousness. Please help me. -– 12-YEAR-OLD WEIRDIE IN IOWA
DEAR 12-YEAR-OLD: You are not alone with this problem; you have lots of company. Suicide is not the answer, nor is breaking your arm. You need intensive professional counseling immediately. Please ask your mother to write to me so I can advise her more fully. I promise that your situation will improve.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Common Sense Puts Y2 K Hype in Proper Perspective
DEAR ABBY: I am the computer operations manager for a large company. As the year 2000 draws closer, people are becoming more concerned about the Y2K bug. The following is my response. If you think your readers would find it interesting and/or helpful, please feel free to print it. -- CARL SCHUTTE, CHULA VISTA, CALIF.
DEAR CARL: While I'm confident the computer geniuses will exterminate the Y2K bug, I frequently hear on the news about people going to great lengths to prepare for it, so I'm sure many readers will be interested in your commonsense commentary. Read on:
Y2K HYPE REPORT
A number of people have been asking me about how Y2K will affect them. First, I got out my crystal ball. Then I cobbled together some thoughts on the subject:
99.693 percent of the Y2K HYPE is to get you, the consumer, to buy, buy, buy! (If you spend enough money, you will be OK, etc.)
I'm sure everyone has seen or heard ads telling us to buy bottled water, long-term storable food (enough to last six months at the least), water filters, wind-up radios, flashlights that use LEDs rather than bulbs, guns and ammunition (go NRA!), computer software that will "fix" any Y2K bugs on their computers (as if it would be the end of civilization if the computer fails), and anything else some nutcase can think up. Then, once all of us have mortgaged our homes to buy all this junk, we are urged to take the rest of our money, stocks, bonds and anything else of value we might have and buy (there's that word again!) gold because that will be the only currency accepted on Jan. 1, 2000.
Most of these people are the same ones who claim that when you use your ATM or "rewards" card at the supermarket, the CIA/FBI is tracking your buying habits to produce a "profile" on you.
So much for fantasy. Now for a little reality:
Vital utilities or government agencies have been preparing for Y2K for some time now. Could your power go out? Yes. Will it be out for more than an hour or two. Probably not. (Has your power ever been out before? Didn't you live through the outage?)
Will you receive a bill from VISA for $43,554,238,490.32? Probably not. If you do, don't pay it. Call the bank.
Will the bank lose all your checking and savings balances? Probably not. If they do, you have records, they have records, and it will get fixed.
Remember that most of the services affecting you are someone else's livelihood! These companies aren't going to vanish. Any major problems will get fixed FAST. Minor problems will get fixed a little later -– that's why they are called minor problems.
If you will stay calm, don't panic, use your head and don't do something stupid, everyone will get through Y2K JUST FINE.
DEAR ABBY: I am currently enamored of a lady who is sleeping with her ex-boyfriend, but she has consistently told me that she could fall in love with me if she just didn't have him as extra baggage. I have asked her many times why she still carries on with him, but she just shrugs and says she can't tell me for certain.
I have a tremendous amount of love in my heart for this woman, if she would just give me the benefit of the doubt. What should my next move be? –- ANXIOUSLY UNSURE IN L.A.
DEAR ANXIOUSLY UNSURE: Your next move should be two giant steps backward. As long as she's sleeping with her "ex"-boyfriend, she will not replace him with you –- or anyone else.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)