To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Crime Prevention Services Are Available Free of Charge
DEAR ABBY: Although the crime rate has been dropping nationwide for the past several years, our citizens still fear being victimized. Of the crimes that are committed, the majority could have been avoided if the victim had taken some preventive measures.
Most law enforcement agencies have crime prevention specialists available to their citizens free of charge. A wide variety of literature and training courses are available to the business and residential communities. Some of the training and programs offered are: auto theft prevention, personal safety, fraud prevention, workplace violence prevention, robbery prevention and survival, Neighborhood Watch, programs for senior citizens, and burglary prevention -- including on-site security inspections of homes and businesses.
Parents tell their children not to talk to strangers, but most children who are abducted are taken by someone they know. The Internet can be a very dangerous place for a child. These and other child safety issues can be addressed by a crime prevention specialist.
Anyone can become the victim of a crime. As a police officer, I assure you that we would rather educate people in crime prevention techniques than work with them as crime victims. Abby, I would encourage your readers to contact their local law enforcement agency to find out what crime prevention services are offered and take advantage of those services. When it comes to criminal activity, an ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure. -- GARRY CUOSO-VASQUEZ, CHIEF OF POLICE, MONTEBELLO, CALIF.
DEAR CHIEF CUOSO-VASQUEZ: Thank you for a thought-provoking letter. I'm sure that many readers will be pleasantly surprised to know about the crime prevention programs that are available in their communities simply by asking their local police departments for them.
DEAR ABBY: This is another letter on the subject of grandparents raising grandchildren.
When I was 55, I took early retirement because our two grandsons, ages 8 and 6, came to live with us while their grandma worked and their mother went back to school.
For the next several years, they divided their time between their mother and us, sometimes staying with us for several months. The older boy made it permanent when he was 16, and stayed until he finished school and went out on his own. Now 20, he still sends me a present for Father's Day.
My younger grandson, now 18, is living with his mother and stepfather. When he graduated from advanced infantry training at Fort Benning, Ga., guess who was invited to attend? I must have been the proudest grandpa there.
Raising teen-agers wasn't easy. There were quarrels and raised voices, but we got over it. We loved them when they were here and missed them when they were gone. Would I do it again? Absolutely! I wouldn't change a thing. -- GLENN R. SHARP, PROUD GRANDPA, HILLSBORO, ORE.
DEAR GLENN: What an inspirational story of how love can bind a family together! You are justifiably proud. My congratulations on a job well done.
NOT CONFIDENTIAL TO MORT PHILLIPS: Happy 60th anniversary, Darling! Every night is New Year's Eve and every day is Thanksgiving since I married you. Thank you for making me the luckiest woman alive.
TODDLER IS ONLY MAN FOR MOM WHO'S HAPPY WITH SINGLE LIFE
DEAR ABBY: Why do people assume that happiness comes only with a relationship or marriage? I am a 24-year-old, happy, successful mother who enjoys the single life. I loved my son's father very much but things did not work out for us, and he hasn't been around for three years. I work at least 50 hours a week at my dream job, and enjoy my evening and weekend time with my 5-year-old son.
However, everywhere I go I hear how I "need" someone, or people ask how I can stand to sleep alone every night. (I love it!) I have been told by men wanting a relationship that it is "unnatural" to prefer being single and that my son "needs" a father.
Abby, my son is well-adjusted and has a grandpa and two uncles he spends a lot of time with. My parents have a wonderful loving marriage after 34 years, and I think that's great, but it is also unusual in this day and age. I may marry someday, but right now I'm enjoying the time with my son and an occasional date. Why can't people understand that? -- ALONE AND LOVING IT IN MISSOURI
DEAR ALONE: Many people feel they need someone else to make them "complete." Obviously, you are a strong and fulfilled individual in your own right, and you should not have to explain or defend your choice to anyone.
DEAR ABBY: I am a clergyman, and over the course of my 32 years in ministry, I have officiated at hundreds of weddings. I can't tell you the number of times the bride has gotten tangled up in her wedding gown, or tripped up the aisle or lost her veil. Some of them appear so awkward, and it's sad to see them floundering around in billows of fabric.
As the wedding season is upon us, may I suggest that bridal shops give brides some pointers about the dress they will wear. There must be techniques they can learn for their important day so they don't end up looking so silly. And is it possible for brides to practice at home so that they learn how to maneuver the dress? -- REVEREND IN N.J.
DEAR REVEREND: Those are good suggestions. Brides should practice walking in their gowns and bridal slippers. It will give them confidence and possibly prevent embarrassment or an injury.
DEAR ABBY: My father died 20 years ago. During his final illness my mother purchased two side-by-side cemetery plots in the town in which I grew up. My mother still lives there, although some of us kids have moved out of state.
I am writing because after 20 years, my father still does not have a gravestone. As a veteran, he got a military marker, but that's not a gravestone, and it's sinking into the ground. Since Mom is still with us, is the gravestone any of my business? (She has not remarried.) I have kept my mouth shut for almost two decades now, but I feel this is disrespectful to my father. Money to buy a gravestone is not a problem for Mom or for us children. Any suggestions? -- R.I.P'D OFF IN WALLA WALLA, WASH.
DEAR R.I.P.'D: Since your mother is still with you, discuss your feelings with her. It may be the result of gross procrastination, or a grave oversight.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Daughter's Road to Romance Is Blocked by Parents' Barricades
DEAR ABBY: I am having a struggle with my parents. I am 25 years old and still living at home.
I started seeing a man about a year ago. My parents objected to this for many reasons. He is 12 years older than I am, and they say his limited educational background could bring me down socially, which would lead to a thousand other problems. They seemed to be very concerned about how we would be perceived as a "couple." Neither of these things has been an issue for this man or for me.
Well, my father began placing restrictions on the amount of time I spent with this man. I had to be home by 12:30, and if I wasn't, my parents would track me down via cell phone. I could not go to this man's apartment because what would people say? I finally got fed up and reminded my parents that I'm an adult, capable of making my own decisions.
Abby, I have always been there for my family, always sacrificed my time for all of them. I went to college to uphold the family name and made something of myself so the family would be proud of me. Now I don't know what to do.
I love this man and want to see if we have a future. I see no harm in testing the water. But my parents are impossibly stubborn, and once they believe they are right, it would take an act of God to change their minds. I know it's hard for parents to let go, but I feel they won't even give me the benefit of the doubt. I would welcome any advice you can offer. -- HURTING IN ILLINOIS
DEAR HURTING: Since you still live with your parents, in their eyes you are still answerable to them. Of course, children (even adults) should respect their parents, but in your case, they are trying to run your life. At 25, you do not need your parents' permission to date a man, and you must establish your independence regardless of who you eventually choose to marry. It's time to consider moving out.
DEAR ABBY: I had to write, in the hope that you can help to solve a growing national problem. I took my 11-year-old son to a ballgame recently. We had a wonderful time except for one very unpleasant thing. Four grown men (who appeared to be about 50 years old) sat in front of us. They were swearing so much I had to confront them. What I said to them, and what I would like to say to all the other adults out there is, "If we expect better behavior from our children, we should behave better ourselves."
It makes me angry to see adults behave so inappropriately. I miss the days when a man would be mortified to discover that he'd used such vulgar words in front of women and children.
I hope you'll print this, Abby. Maybe it will change at least some people's behavior. Feel free to use my name, because I'm proud to be a responsible adult who cares about all kids, not just my own, and I'm not afraid to speak on their behalf. -- MAGGIE ROSE, EDMONDS, WASH.
DEAR MAGGIE: I'm sure the vast majority of parents will applaud your effort. And for the rest, readers, if this is you -- please, for the sake of the children, sanitize your language when you are in public.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "Every gun that is made, every warship that is launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. ... This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the cloud of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron." -- Dwight D. Eisenhower, April 16, 1953
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)