Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
HIGH-FLYING FLAGS AVAILABLE FOR BARGAIN-BASEMENT PRICES
DEAR ABBY: Thanks for printing the letter reminding us of the importance of Flag Day and for urging Americans to fly Old Glory. As I read it, I wondered if your readers knew that by contacting their senator or congressman, they can get a flag for as little as $7.50 -- the actual cost of the flag -- plus $4 for shipping. They can even have it flown over the U.S. Capitol and have that event commemorated with a personalized certificate.
Regardless of where they get their flag, however, I wanted to join with your patriotic correspondent in urging Americans to take pride in our nation by displaying an American flag. Yours respectfully, U.S. SEN. PHIL GRAMM, WASHINGTON, D.C.
DEAR SENATOR GRAMM: The fact that people can purchase flags at cost (plus shipping charges) from their legislators in Washington was news to me. Batten down the hatches -- because I'm sure that offer will interest a lot of people.
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the bald man from Fort Lauderdale who sweeps his hair over his bald spot and bugs his wife with the foot-long flag of hair streaming in the breeze when they go boating.
I have barbered for 49 years and don't claim to be an expert, but have learned a little along the way. We all have customers with special requests and try to honor them. That head of hair could and should be cut so that no matter which way it is combed or not combed -- or windblown -- it would not be a problem.
I produce some haircuts just like that one, because that is what the customer asks for and he is paying the bill, but don't ask me to autograph the work as an artist who is proud.
"Baldy" has one good thing going for him. His wife is sick of his denial, and he should take her advice. His problem is in his head and not ON it. Winding a flag of hair over your head is like wearing a sign telling the world you are bald. -- WILLARD M. KERK, CHAPPELL, NEB.
DEAR WILLARD: I'm printing your letter because there's no denying that when it comes to hair, you are an expert. But if I see one more letter about baldness, I'll curl up and dye. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: In response to your recent column about a husband who attempts to cover his baldness with a comb-over:
Perhaps we could form a support group for balding men and call it "United Hairlines." -- WADE KNIGHT, JUNCTION CITY, KAN.
DEAR ABBY: I've had a best friend for nine years. (I'll call her Christy.) She's always been there when I needed her, but here's the problem: She flirts with most of the guys I'm interested in.
Last month I found a guy that I really like. We hang out all the time. I've come to find out that Christy's also interested in him. She never even told me! I had to find out from someone else. He also has the same feelings toward her. He and I are still friends, but I really don't want to have anything to do with Christy anymore. She knew for about a month that I liked him a lot, but she went after him anyway! What do you think about this best friend's behavior? -- MELLISA IN THE SUNSHINE STATE
DEAR MELLISA: With friends like Christy, you don't need any enemies! But it may not be HER fault that he's more attracted to her than he is to you, and one person does not "own" another person. "All is fair in love and war" -- and this is a combination of both.
Doctors Should Follow Up on Patients' Test Results
DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Lucky in Connecticut," whose doctor failed to notify her of abnormal pap smears (for three years!) was inappropriate. You told her that in these days of managed care, doctors are seeing many more patients than they used to, and many of them expect their patients to be more sophisticated and responsible for their health than a generation ago. You further advised her to take the initiative and call the doctor for test results instead of waiting for notification.
Abby, it IS the physician's responsibility to notify the patient about an abnormal test result. I know some MDs who tell their patients to call for results, but I (and most other physicians) disagree. I tell my patients I'll call them about an ABNORMAL pap. If it's a normal report, they'll receive a card by mail -- and if they haven't heard anything by three weeks, they're to call me to find out why. You should not have made "Lucky" feel guilty that she didn't call for her report. She did not fail in her responsibility as a patient.
Thank you for letting me have my say. Your column is great! -- ANDREW JAMIESON, M.D., BUTTE, MONT.
DEAR DR. JAMIESON: My response to "Lucky" was meant to encourage women to take responsibility for calling their doctors if they had not received test results in a reasonable amount of time. I agree that when a doctor performs tests, it is the doctor's responsibility to inform the patient of the results -- and an irresponsible doctor should be held accountable. However, in today's chaotic health-care environment, we all need to be more aware of our personal medical needs and insist on good care. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I have a bit of advice I'd like to give to "Lucky in Connecticut." KEEP YOUR OWN HEALTH FILE. After every visit to the doctor for a complete physical, pap smear, mammogram, ultrasound, MRI, etc., ask -- no, TELL your doctor that you want a copy of the results. It is your right! You'll probably have to sign a waiver, that's all. Then compare your test results from visit to visit. It is amazing what you can learn from your blood panel results.
Abby, you were right when you said there is an overwhelming ratio of patients to doctors. Patients must ask questions. That is also their right. Of course, all of us want our doctors to treat us as though we are their one and only patient. Unfortunately, we must lower the pedestal we once had them on to a more realistic level. We cannot put all our faith in them -- we must help them out.
Oh, by the way, patients should make sure the names on the test result forms are THEIRS. Here's a little incident that happened to me: Last February, I was admitted for major surgery (a complete hysterectomy). I was next on the list, and a young woman called my last name. We sat at her desk and she said, "Have you ever been here before for this surgery?" "No," I replied, "if I had, I wouldn't be here now." She said, "Oh, you'd be surprised. Some people come back three or four times." I said, "You're kidding!" She said, "No."
We both looked at each other with that quizzical look and I said, "What's the first name on that form?" The first names were different, of course. The person whose file was in her hands was going to have FOOT surgery! Could you imagine? My middle name was about to become "Ooops!"
I have kept my own file now for about 15 years and only wish I had started sooner. I guess my middle name back then was "Naive." -- INFORMED NOW IN WEST BLOOMFIELD HILLS, MICH.
DEAR INFORMED: That's a valuable suggestion, and all that's required is taking the initiative.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
COLLEGE SMOKERS WHO WON'T QUIT FACE FUTURE FULL OF PAIN
DEAR TEEN-AGERS -– AND IF YOU WHO ARE READING THIS ARE BEYOND YOUR TEENS, CLIP IT AND GIVE IT TO A YOUNG PERSON. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, my family and I laid my father to rest. He was a mere 57 years old, but fell victim to lung and brain cancer because he was unable to overcome his addiction to cigarettes. Although not a heavy chain-smoker, he did smoke nearly every day for more than 40 years. It was not until a quadruple bypass in 1996 that my father quit smoking.
Unfortunately, by then the foundation had been laid for further complications. My father was diagnosed with lung cancer in 1998 and underwent successful, but complicated, lung surgery that July. He was steadily improving, even talking of returning to work, when it was revealed on Feb. 22, 1999, that the cancer had metastasized to his brain and left lung. Dad lived another 22 days.
I write this letter not from the perspective of a grieving son who will forever miss his father, but in response to an article I read in USA Today shortly after my father's funeral. The front-page article highlighted the increase in tobacco usage among college students across the country, with cigarette smoking at its highest for this age group in the last 20 years.
I address this letter to all those young men and women who will face the same challenge my father faced in trying to quit. Cigarettes cost him his life. I know the trauma; I've seen the scars, both physical and emotional, that cigarettes left on my father and on my family. I spent nearly every day with my dad during the last 22 days of his life. I watched his strength, balance, mental capacity, mobility and communication skills diminish before my eyes.
I will forever cherish the time I spent with my father throughout my life, and will be forever indebted to him for all he gave to me. I can only hope that one day I will be the kind of father that he was. He told me, just 10 days before he was taken into God's hands, that his only regret was that he started smoking as a teen-ager. He knew it had cost him his life.
I hope you'll print this, Abby, and that I'm able to convince just one person to take the necessary steps to "kick the habit." I do not wish upon any person the pain and suffering I saw my father endure and succumb to as a result of the cancer he developed from smoking. -– SEAN W. KING, PORTERVILLE, CALIF.
DEAR SEAN: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your father. I'm glad you wrote, because I'm sure your words of warning will make many people of all ages stop and think before lighting up. We all know that using tobacco in any form is hazardous to our health. It causes cancer of the mouth, tongue, throat, lung, pancreas and bladder, as well as heart disease and emphysema.
My male readers tell me that they started smoking as teen-agers to "prove" they were "a man." It's ironic that 30 years later they try to quit for the same reason! I hear from women that they smoke to control their weight. I recently attended the funeral of a lovely young woman who was a good friend. She lost weight, all right (by smoking) -– but she also lost her life.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)