To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Loss of Vision to Fireworks Is No Way to Celebrate the Fourth
DEAR ABBY: In the summer of 1997, when I was 11, I was injured in an accident with an illegal firework. In celebration of the Chicago Bulls' fifth championship, my friends and I were watching an adult neighbor try to light a firework. Without warning, the firework went off, spraying gunpowder and debris in our direction. I was struck on the left side of my face and lost my left eye. Two of my friends were also burned and scarred. Before the accident, I had been diagnosed through my school's vision testing program with amblyopia of the right eye. The vision in my right eye was limited.
I have learned from personal experience that fireworks are always dangerous, even when used by an adult. I encourage everyone to celebrate every Fourth of July by going to a local park to enjoy the professional demonstrations.
On Saturday, June 26, I am proud to be a part of the second annual Light the Night for Sight Walkathon, sponsored by Prevent Blindness America. I implore all of your readers to join all of us working to increase fireworks safety awareness. Please help your local Prevent Blindness America chapter by walking or by pledging your financial support.
Prevent Blindness America also has many programs to screen for eye diseases and detect conditions such as amblyopia and to prevent workplace injuries to eyes. I am enthusiastic about helping other people avoid having to go through what I had to experience. Remember to always appreciate the gift of sight. -- COLIN J. BURNS, CHICAGO
DEAR COLIN: Thank you for a terrific letter, and for the timely reminder about fireworks safety. I respect your effort to educate the public so that other children and adults will not have to experience the trauma that you did.
And while we're on the subject of fireworks, let me add that sparklers can also be very dangerous in the hands of children. Sparklers are not a benign firework; they heat up to 1,800 degrees Fahrenheit -- hot enough to melt gold! -- and they are the second-highest cause of fireworks eye injuries requiring trips to the emergency room. A wise parent will forgo making sparklers a part of children's celebrations.
For those interested in knowing more about fireworks safety, Prevent Blindness America's toll-free number is (800) 331-2020. The organization will be happy to provide callers with more information about fireworks, the Light the Night for Sight Walkathon, or how you can help. They are offering the booklet "Safe Summer Celebrations" at no charge, as well as fireworks injury fact sheets and a "quiz" to educate both parents and kids. But don't wait to call -- vision safety is nothing to wink at.
DEAR ABBY: Parents allowing children to play with toy guns should think twice. Have they ever observed children playing and saying, "Bang, bang. You're wounded"? -- A.R. GROSSMAN, SAN FRANCISCO
SWIFT RESPONSE TO EMERGENCY DOESN'T MEAN ALL ENDS WELL
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Eileen in Port Angeles" about CPR and the people who judge the caregivers hit home. As a volunteer firefighter and emergency medical technician for 18 years, I have answered many calls where a person has died from cardiac arrest. It's hard when a stranger dies in your hands, and even harder when it's someone you know.
The evolution of CPR and defibrillation has made it possible to "save" a percentage of these people, but it's a very small percentage. Most cardiac arrests result in the patient remaining dead. Therefore it's important that anyone rendering care remember that once the heart stops, the person is clinically dead. Nothing they do is going to make that worse. If all of the resuscitation efforts fail, the care provider has not "killed" the person, nor contributed to his death, and it is NEVER the provider's fault that the person died.
If more people got involved and learned CPR and other basic first-aid skills, they would have a better understanding of life and death, and they wouldn't be so quick to criticize and look for blame that isn't there. -- BOB GAJEWSKI, WALES CENTER, N.Y.
DEAR BOB: I have a stack of mail from readers echoing your sentiments. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: As a 30-year veteran emergency medical services technician and current CPR instructor, I can empathize with the overwhelming feeling of guilt experienced by "Mary Helen," who performed CPR on her brother. In our society, we are conditioned to believe that anything less than "winning" is failure. But to encourage that guilt by saying someone failed or "lost" a cardiac-arrest victim is reprehensible.
Potential rescuers must have the motivation to learn CPR. Second, they must be willing to get involved and take control in an emergency. Third, they must be able to exert the physical strength and emotional stamina. These challenges must be met before the actual CPR process begins. Most individuals are not prepared to go this far. Thankfully, "Mary Helen" was. Heroes never plan to be heroic; they just unselfishly give of themselves.
"Mary Helen," please recognize that you exhibited the courage, executed the skills and performed heroically. Remember, the ultimate decision was never yours to make. That load is not yours to bear.
We are excited by the entry of new technology and improved CPR skills that will allow us to substantially increase resuscitation rates. I am referring to the introduction of the Automated External Defibrillator (AED) and newly enhanced courses offered by national training entities for the general public. In the near future this device will be readily available in stadiums, airports, shopping centers, businesses, churches and homes. The challenge is to train as many people as possible in the operation of this user-friendly medical marvel.
I encourage your readers to contact their nearest CPR training facility and inquire about the AED and the latest courses available in its application. -- BILL CARTER, CHATTANOOGA, TENN.
DEAR BILL: That's exciting news. About five years ago, I had my staff certified in a "heart-saver" course offered by the American Heart Association. Thank heavens we have never encountered an emergency, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Thank you for the reminder to call the association and ask, "What's new?"
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Kids Visiting Their Dad Turn to Mom for Help With Airfare
DEAR ABBY: I am an airline employee and have the privilege of giving my children (over age 25) discount airline passes. I am divorced, and their dad lives in Oregon. He is very wealthy.
My children have asked for passes to visit him this summer. Abby, the cost will come out of my paycheck, amounting to $300. Also, these passes are standby, which means they may or may not get on the airplane. It seems to me that if he wants to see his children and grandchildren, he should pay for the airline tickets so that they will have assured seats on whatever flight they take.
How can I communicate this to my children without any hurt feelings or animosities? I have a good relationship with them, and I'd like to keep it that way. -- IN A BIND IN TEXAS
DEAR IN A BIND: Explain your position to your children as you explained it to me. Tell them of the very real possibility that some of their party will be "bumped" if they try to fly using your passes, and that the cost of them will put you in a financial bind. Therefore, their father should be a good grandpa and spring for the tickets, since he can well afford to.
DEAR ABBY: I recently read in your column about children running wild in a restaurant. This situation is familiar to me because I am a server at a five-star resort.
Abby, I'm not against children -- I have two of my own -- but I strongly object to children running freely in a busy establishment.
Children are in real danger when they run loose in a restaurant. The trays we carry can weigh upward of 20 pounds when loaded with hot entrees, and the coffee in the pots would most definitely scald a child. Also, a server could be seriously injured were he or she to stumble over a child.
Of course, the parents would never admit the child caused the accident; servers are always made out to be the bad guys. I blame the parents for not protecting their children by insisting they sit at the table out of harm's way.
In the interest of child safety (and server safety), please print my letter. -- MIKE ALLEN, ALDERSON, W.VA.
DEAR MIKE: I'm pleased to print your letter. In the interest of everyone's safety -- including the establishment's -- I'm surprised more of them don't post a disclaimer that the restaurant refuses to accept responsibility for injuries to unaccompanied children. It might serve as a reminder to parents who bring small children and then become so engrossed in conversation that they tune their little ones out.
Wise parents make sure they are prepared in advance when taking their child to an "adult" environment. They bring along children's books, paper and crayons to keep the little ones amused, because children have short attention spans and it's unfair to expect them to sit in silence through a long meal.
Parenthood is hard work. It takes patience, diligence and sacrifice to do the job properly. Parents who allow their children to run loose in restaurants are shirking their responsibility.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)