DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Still Steaming in S.F.," I have to wonder what kind of a man "John" is to have allowed his fiancee to be publicly snubbed at his law partner's dinner party.
"Steaming" should think twice about marrying someone who would do nothing in a situation of this sort, and if she does decide to go through with it, she should exclude the law partner and his wife from the wedding. If she does relent and invite them, the invitation should be addressed to the husband only.
Abby, a marriage should and must come before any business arrangement. If it doesn't, beware the future. It will be filled with similar "snubs" and a husband who sacrifices his life partner's feelings in favor of his working partners'. -- BEEN THERE
DEAR BEEN THERE: Although the fiance could have been more sensitive to the treatment "Steaming" was receiving, I'm not sure the incident is a dire preview of her future with the man. The hostess showed appalling bad manners. However, I do not agree that "Steaming" should stoop to the same level by excluding the couple from the guest list, or by improperly addressing their invitation. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I have the perfect solution for "Steaming in S.F." Of course she must invite that dreadful woman to the wedding! Her husband's career will be the casualty if she doesn't. However, she can get some revenge in a subtle yet satisfying manner if she's having a sit-down dinner at the reception.
At every wedding, there's one table where the hostess seats those guests who just don't seem to fit in with the others. Usually, at least one of the people at this table is a distant relative who never shuts up and has an opinion about everything. Seat "Mrs. X" next to this guest. Maybe she'll even leave early! -- NOBODY'S VICTIM ANYMORE, ATLANTA
DEAR NOBODY'S VICTIM: Spoken like a true veteran of the social scene. The name for that table is "Siberia." You're not the only reader who identified with "Steaming in S.F." Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I agree with your advice to "Still Steaming in S.F.," who was publicly snubbed by the wife of her husband's business partner. I had a similar experience.
The social event at which I was snubbed eight years ago was a lovely outdoor wedding shower that was being held for my fiance and me. The "snubber" fancied herself to be a major mover in local political circles. She was not even on the list of suggested guests we had given the hostess. She was a good friend of the host and hostess, and my fiance was casually acquainted with her. When he attempted to introduce me to this woman, she was extremely rude and acted as if I were invisible. I was shocked and embarrassed.
I later learned that during my fiance's bachelorhood, this woman had tried repeatedly -- but unsuccessfully -- to fix him up with her various girlfriends. I now realize that the snub had nothing to do with me -- and everything to do with her frustration at failing in her matchmaking efforts. She was being a poor loser. "Steaming" might very well find a similar history between her husband-to-be and the law partner's wife. -- SNUBBED AND HAPPY IN ST. PAUL
DEAR SNUBBED AND HAPPY: Indeed she might. It's also possible that the law partner's wife was herself attracted to the woman's fiance. However, that's no excuse. It is the duty of the hostess to make sure all her guests enjoy themselves. Not only did she fail at that, she behaved so badly other guests commented on it. That's hardly a social triumph.