Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
VOWS CELEBRATED IN SILVER ARE JUST AS GOOD AS GOLD
DEAR ABBY: My mother insisted I read the letter from "Married (Really!)" -- it was fantastic! Six weeks ago, I replied, "In a heartbeat," when the love of my life asked me to marry him. My engagement ring is a diamond-shaped turquoise stone set in sterling silver. It's a Native American piece we found in our favorite antique shop. I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of it, what it means to me, and how special the man who gave it to me is. Neither of us is a gold-and-diamond person. We love the western United States, the outdoors, Levis and a comfortable pair of boots. Silver and turquoise was the natural choice.
An Apache legend says that if you follow a rainbow to its end and dig in the wet earth, you'll find precious turquoise. So my comment to anyone who questions the significance of my "rock" is: "Diamonds look like ice; ice is cold. Why would I want a chunk of ice announcing my engagement?"
Thank you, Abby. That clipping is heading for the keepsake box. You may print my name. -- ANN KELLY (SOON TO BE SNYDER), SIDNEY, ILL.
DEAR ANN: My congratulations to you and your fiance. You are a wise woman. Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend -- the man who asks her to share his future is. Regardless of Apache legend, the treasure at the end of your rainbow was your fiance. May it ever be thus. Some of the responses I've received about wedding rings have been gems. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing to encourage "Married (Really!)" whose wedding vows are represented by silver and turquoise wedding rings. She seems at her wit's end in dealing with the rude remarks of others regarding this very personal choice of rings.
When my husband and I married, we exchanged lovely rings, each with three diamonds. However, several years into our marriage we both found ourselves working in jobs where wearing rings would be hazardous or they could easily be lost. By mutual consent, we stored our precious rings and wear them only on special occasions.
When we first started appearing without our rings, the small-town rumor mill started churning. Now, 15 years later, people are still amazed to see us together. We've been happily married for nearly 30 years. Each passing year is richer than the last -- and quite frankly, I couldn't care less what others think about our marriage. I certainly do not have to prove to anyone that I am married.
So, "Married (Really!)," enjoy the rings you and your spouse chose as the symbol of your loving bond with each other, and to heck with anyone who questions your marital status. -- STILL MARRIED (REALLY!), GREAT FALLS, MONT.
DEAR STILL MARRIED: Rumors can be devastating if you let them. I applaud your healthy attitude. If everyone swept his own doorstep, the world would be a better place. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to the letter from "Married (Really!) in Arizona." When my wife and I were engaged, I could afford only a modest wedding band set with a very small diamond. Years later, in better times, I broached the idea of a new engagement ring with a larger diamond.
My wife was appalled at the idea. The original was the ring that I had given her, and no other could replace it! I have since come to realize that the real jewel in our marriage is the love we have for each other. -- BOB IN BUFFALO
DEAR BOB: Absolutely. I couldn't have put it more succinctly.
CHURCH WAS PLACE OF COMFORT WHEN TRAGEDY STRUCK LITTLETON
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing from Littleton, Colo. Just the other day there was a shooting near my house in Columbine. Fortunately, I do not attend Columbine High because I attend school farther north. Still, many of my friends went there.
Almost immediately after the shooting, my school was on lockdown -- but as soon as I was let out, I went straight to my church. I was amazed at all of the people I found there. People who used to despise each other were hugging. People who never knew each other were talking. Although I was in a Catholic church, religion did not matter. There were rabbis, pastors and reverends. Buddhism and other religions were represented. Even atheists were there. It didn't matter who you were; we were all there as a community.
I spoke with people I never knew before and was deeply touched by their experiences. I ended up staying there for most of the night, and then returned and stayed there throughout the next day. I eventually learned that some of my friends were shot, which drew me even closer to the people I was with.
I just want to say a heartfelt thank-you to everyone who set aside their differences and helped us here in Littleton. -- VERY THANKFUL IN LITTLETON
DEAR THANKFUL: To you and to the other citizens of Littleton, I offer sympathy and prayers for recovery. The media brought your tragedy into millions of homes worldwide, and no one who witnessed the violence you experienced will remain untouched by it.
It's encouraging that your place of worship was where you sought refuge and comfort after leaving school, and that when you arrived you discovered the gathering to be ecumenical. Religion should bring people together, not divide them. As I have said in the past, a church is not a museum for saints -- it's a hospital for sinners. And I can think of no better place for wounded souls to begin healing.
DEAR ABBY: I am disturbed at your advice to "Wondering in Superior, Wis." concerning the baby shower for a second child. I have never heard that showers are only for the first child. Both of my children received showers -- and both of them were greatly needed, considering my children are of different sexes. Tomorrow I am attending a shower for a fourth daughter.
I have always considered a shower to be a celebration of a child's birth, each equally valued. Perhaps we should change the way we view this, and adopt a more generous, loving attitude. Every new mother can use the support of her friends, and a shower is simply a symbol of that.
I hope "Wondering" will reconsider and offer her friend her support. -- SHERREE IN OREGON
DEAR SHERREE: I didn't take into account the fact that the new baby might be a different sex from its older sibling. Although Emily Post and Amy Vanderbilt do not agree, your argument is convincing. You're right, the birth of a child is an event to celebrate. I, too, hope "Wondering" will reconsider and decide to support her friend.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Unnamed, Unclaimed Photos Can Be Destroyed Guilt Free
DEAR ABBY: My Great-Uncle Ben died in 1987, two years after his wife, Bonnie. Among the articles he left behind were 70 photo albums composed of snapshots and Polaroid pictures. The photos are unidentified except for a few that have notes like, "Outside Pearl's place," or "Evening before J.J. arrived." They mean nothing whatsoever to anyone who has seen them.
Except for a lovely memorial album that Uncle Ben put together after Aunt Bonnie died, nobody is interested in these albums. However, everybody (except me) wants them intact because they "obviously meant a lot to Ben and Bonnie." I'm now stuck with them because I'm single and my family thinks that automatically gives me more storage space. It doesn't.
When I tried to donate the albums to places like Ben and Bonnie's hometown library, I was politely turned down. I tried the retirement community where they had lived and was told the center couldn't use them either. The administrator suggested that I "respectfully destroy" the albums.
My family members are horrified at the proposal. I loved Uncle Ben and Aunt Bonnie as much as anyone, but they were practical people, and I'm sure they would agree with my solution. They're probably laughing in amazement that these albums have survived this long.
Abby, I would like to condense the albums into one meaningful collection (if I can even identify that many photos) and "respectfully destroy" the rest. I hate to bother you with anything this trivial, but I need some backup for the wrath that is sure to follow if I carry out my plan. -- RESPECTFUL RITA, TAOS, N.M.
DEAR RITA: You are not being disrespectful; you are being practical. Give one more try to donating the albums. This time, check with the local historical society. If it refuses, give your family members one last chance to either claim individual photos or assume the responsibility of storing the whole kit and caboodle. After a reasonable period of time, proceed with your plan. I, too, think you would then have Uncle Ben and Aunt Bonnie's blessing.
DEAR ABBY: I've read many articles over the years about whether the father or the stepfather should walk the bride down the aisle. I'd like to share my solution with you.
I was raised by my father until the age of 9, and by my stepfather from 9 to 19. Since both men put equal heart and soul into my upbringing, I asked them both to give me away. My stepfather declined, saying it was my father's day.
As my father proudly walked me down the aisle, we stopped, I handed my father my bouquet, turned and hugged and kissed my stepfather, then turned and proceeded to my awaiting groom.
There wasn't a dry eye in the church. To this day, some 15 years later, friends still tell me it was one of the most touching gestures they have ever witnessed, one that had great symbolism.
Abby, I hope this solution helps someone else who may be wondering how to handle that situation. -- B. COATES, GLENDALE, ARIZ.
DEAR B. COATES: Although it's not to be found in any etiquette book, you have provided a beautiful and sensitive solution to a situation in which many brides find themselves. Thank you for sharing it.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)