Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Plate Glass Presents Clear Danger to Unwary Shoppers
DEAR ABBY: Last week I was in New York City for a conference. On my first evening in the hotel I noticed a large adjacent store had an entrance from the hotel lobby. As I walked quickly to the store entrance, I suddenly received a blow to my face that knocked me down, broke my glasses in half, cut my eyelid and made my nose bleed. I had walked full-stride into a plate-glass door! With bright lighting inside the door and soft lighting in the lobby, I had seen no reflection on the glass.
When I returned home this week and related my story, nearly everyone I spoke to had a similar story or knew someone who did. The incidence of injuries from this kind of accident must be staggering.
Since regulations vary from place to place, please urge your readers to place decals, logos or lettering at eye level on any plate-glass window or door that could possibly be mistaken for an opening. I have seen this done in attractive ways that promote a store's name or image. Had such a visual cue been in place, I would not have been injured. As a side note, my compulsive habit of always packing an old pair of glasses as a backup finally paid off. -- PANE-FUL EXPERIENCE, ATHENS, OHIO
DEAR PANE-FUL: I have heard about hapless individuals walking through plate-glass patio doors during swimming parties or summer barbecues, but this is the first time I've heard about its happening in a business establishment. Your suggestions are valid. I hope the management of the hotel in which the accident occurred will institute some safeguards to prevent it from happening again. It could prevent injuries, as well as protect the hotel from a lawsuit.
DEAR ABBY: Please send a wake-up call to starry-eyed women who marry for "love" and never look past their beating hearts. As cold and unromantic as it may sound, financial security should also be a consideration when making a lifelong commitment. The moment your Prince Charming adds your name to his credit cards, bank accounts or other legal documents, he can begin weaving a web that connects you tighter than any marriage contract.
Abby, there is so much more to choosing a partner than just physical attraction or "love." Lust withers, and what's left behind needs to be a secure, capable partner -- not a wimpy financial disaster. -- BEEN THERE
DEAR BEEN THERE: Many people marry for love and have strong and lasting marriages, so I'm hesitant to cast aspersions on all love matches. However, if someone marries a financially irresponsible partner, one's first thought should be damage control. The marriage might be salvageable if the responsible partner is willing to set limits on the other's imprudent spending. It could mean closing joint accounts, putting the money in the name of the responsible spouse and canceling joint credit cards. If the marriage is really a love match, there should be no difficulty in getting the necessary signatures to remedy the problem. If the problems persist, however, and there's a refusal to cooperate, the problem may be less about finances than who's in control.
SINGLE MOM FINDS STRENGTH TO GIVE LOTHARIO HIS LEAVE
DEAR ABBY: Thank you for the "scorpion and the frog" story. I'm 23 years old and a single mom. I have been involved for four years with a man who has been living with someone. He keeps telling me that when God gives him a sign, we will live together.
As soon as I read your column today I knew you were right. So, today is the day that I swim alone.
I hope you'll consider printing this, Abby. So many young women out there are in the same position as I have been. As young women, we have to be strong and look inside for the strength to swim alone, because once we are strong we will attract others who are strong. And that's when Prince Charming will come along. I'm convinced of it.
Thank you again for discussing this heart-wrenching topic. It did me a world of good. -- SWIMMING STRONG IN PUYALLUP, WASH.
DEAR SWIMMING: I may have sounded the wake-up call, but you were intelligent enough to hear it and know it was meant for you. Once you have told this two-timing Romeo goodbye, your chances of finding a worthwhile, unattached companion will increase a hundredfold. The problem with expending all your energy on someone who is already involved is that it prevents you from finding someone who is available. I wish you and your child the best of luck.
Your analogy of "swimming" reminds me of a classic letter that appeared in my column years ago. I'm sure you'll identify with the message that's conveyed:
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 12 years, and I've always felt that my husband thought more of his mother than he did of me -- so I decided to ask him. I put it this way: I said, "Honey, if your mother and I were in a canoe, and the canoe tipped over and we were both drowning, and you could save only one of us, which one would you save?"
Abby, he had the nerve to say, "I think I'd save my mother, because I owe her more"!
I'm so hurt. What should I do? -- ARLENE
DEAR ARLENE: Learn to swim!
DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Ex-Mistress in Massachusetts," I had to write to correct an often-made mistake. She said that cheating husbands often claim they aren't sleeping with their wives, but somehow the wives become pregnant anyway. She then jokingly asked if these pregnancies occur through an "Immaculate Conception."
Abby, according to Christianity, Immaculate Conception does not refer to virgin birth, as in Mary giving birth to Jesus. The Immaculate Conception refers to Mary's having been born without the stain of sin (original sin). I am amazed at how many people confuse the two. -- EX-SEMINARIAN IN VENTURA, CALIF.
DEAR EX-SEMINARIAN: So am I. In years past, this has been pointed out to me, and I'm sorry I didn't catch it.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Nonagenarian Is Wondering if He's Too Late for Love
DEAR ABBY: I am 91 years old, widowed 10 years ago after 54 years of a loving marriage. After my wife's death, I moved in with my widowed stepdaughter in another city. She has since passed away.
I had absolutely NO intention of remarrying. However, a petite, demure, attractive, intelligent, healthy lady of 76 has become my constant companion. We enjoy each other's company and have shared many spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment adventures. I find that I love her dearly, and it seems to be reciprocated.
The actuaries at my insurance company give me 33 more months to live. In her condition, she should look forward to 20 or more years of active life. If we were to marry, in a few short years she would again be a widow -- only older. Also, because of my age, and the fact that I have been celibate for almost 40 years, I could never exercise the conjugal duties of a loving husband. I feel that it would be very unfair to her to propose marriage. She should find a younger, healthier man, but seems indisposed to do so.
Friends of ours, same ages, recently married with the blessing of both their families. Am I selfish to monopolize her time? Am I reasonable in assuming that a marriage would be impractical? Our friends are getting along fine, although he is not as healthy as I am. -- HAPPY IN TEXAS
DEAR HAPPY: If you dearly love that widow, you're addressing your concerns to the wrong woman. Only she can tell you whether your feelings are reciprocated, and whether sex is important to her at this stage of her life. Many women prefer cuddling and affection. You should also discuss your concerns with your physician, because recent medical advances could jump-start your sexual performance, if you're interested.
The ways of the heart are not determined by insurance company actuaries. You could surprise them all and live to be 100. Tell your ladyfriend what you're thinking and observe her reaction. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose.
DEAR ABBY: I'd like to add my two cents to the reader who complained about Jewish celebrities who "constantly remind everyone that they're Jewish."
If "Curious in Tampa" thinks that flaunting one's religious beliefs is a Jewish trait, try taking a drive in December and count the number of houses in which the residents remind everyone that they are Christian with lights, wreaths, crosses and nativity scenes. He or she should visit a mall between October and January, and try to find one that does NOT have Christmas music blaring from every speaker. I wonder how many times "Curious" has asked a new acquaintance, "So, do you have any plans for Easter?" or, "Have you finished your Christmas shopping yet?"
Abby, you should have suggested that "Curious" try to buy something from Christian-owned businesses on a Sunday when they are the only stores closed in the mall. Imagine how other religious groups feel in a world where everyone assumes they are Christian. Maybe then "Curious" might understand why some Jews feel the need to remind people of who they are (or who they are not). -- JEWISH IN CINCINNATI
DEAR JEWISH IN CINCINNATI: You have made some astute observations. However, as I advised "Curious," he or she would have to ask each of the Jewish celebrities who were mentioned, because their responses would be unique.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)