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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married this year. My fiance, "Greg," and I have decided to go on a cruise for our honeymoon. We're very excited about it and have told our families when and where we are going.

Well, about a month ago, my future mother-in-law (whom I adore) decided that she and my future father-in-law are interested in going with us. As of this week, it's official. They are booked on the same cruise.

Now I ask you, am I wrong in not wanting my in-laws along on our honeymoon? If this were just a vacation, I wouldn't be so bothered by it, but I would prefer that we go on our honeymoon by ourselves.

Greg finds it hard to tell his parents that we don't want them to go, but he says he will if I tell him to. Well, I did tell him that if my mother told me she and Dad were going, I'd tell her "No!" My problem is, I don't want my in-laws thinking I'm the one who doesn't want them. I love them too much to want to stir up trouble. -- HONEYMOONING WITH THE IN-LAWS

DEAR HONEYMOONING: You have my sympathy. It was extremely insensitive of your future in-laws to have booked passage on your honeymoon cruise without first having cleared it with you.

You and Greg seem like very nice people, but both of you could use some assertiveness training. You'll need it when coping with your mother-in-law. If Greg is reluctant to stand up to his parents now, I foresee problems in the future.

If neither of you has the courage to make your wishes known to his parents, then consider discreetly talking to your travel agent to make sure you are not seated at the same dinner table, and that your cabins are on different decks. The entire travel company will support you. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to your advice to "Mixed Up in Missouri," whose wife left their 19-year marriage for another man. When "Mixed Up" found a new love, suddenly his ex-wife wanted to come back. You told him to remain with his wife and continue marriage counseling, and to concentrate on reviving their marriage. Why should he?

His wife left him, and he had begged her to return for a year. Once he found some happiness, she couldn't handle it and wanted him back. She's obviously jealous, or her love affair with the other man ended. Abby, she can't have her cake and eat it, too. If they're fighting all the time, they're both miserable. If he was happier with his girlfriend, he should be with her. I think he should do whatever makes him happy. -- M.E. IN CHICAGO

DEAR M.E.: If the man had not felt the marriage was worth another try, he would not have broken off with the girlfriend to try to work out his problems with his wife. He asked me to help him decide what would be best for everyone involved. I advised him to concentrate his efforts on reviving his marriage. If it didn't work out, then he would know in his heart he had given 100 percent, and wouldn't have to ask me to decide what was right for him. In other words, he wouldn't need my "permission" to leave. I stand by that answer.

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