DEAR ABBY: For many years I have admired your levelheaded and sympathetic advice to readers troubled by life's periodic sorrows, so I mean no disrespect when I ask you to help me understand your recent counsel to people offering their sympathies to grieving parents.
In a recent column about well-meaning but hurtful comments to women who have recently miscarried, you advised: "If a friend loses a child through miscarriage, express your feelings of sorrow as though she had lost a 'living' child, because she has."
Doesn't it follow then that, "If a friend loses a child through abortion, express your feelings of sorrow as though she had lost a 'living' child, because she has"?
If you'd prefer to answer my question privately, by letter, please do -- I'm enclosing my address. -- LARRY PONT, CHICAGO
DEAR LARRY: I have received a number of letters from readers asking me that same question, so I'll forgo a "private" response and answer you in print. An abortion is something the woman has CHOSEN to have, so the degree of sadness is usually not the same -- or is, in fact, nonexistent.
Interestingly, women often react to an abortion with the same emotions they bring TO it. A woman who has independently concluded that she wants or needs to have an abortion will have fewer negative feelings about it than a woman who was pressured into having one.