Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
NEW NEIGHBORS SHOULD BE WARNED ABOUT DIRTY OLD DAD
DEAR ABBY: Please help us to make a decision. Our 81-year-old father likes women -- females of any age.
In the past, he pursued a teen-age neighbor girl to the point that her family moved away. His adopted granddaughter calls him "a dirty old man" and won't come near him. As I understand it, he pursues, looks, touches, hugs, kisses, but doesn't rape.
My mother tries to save face. Our problem is that Dad and Mother have moved to another state, away from us. They are now living next door to a wonderful young couple who have a 3-year-old girl.
So far, Dad just watches the child when they visit and he only gives the young mother elaborate hugs and makes risque remarks. Mom admits that "she watches him like a hawk" when she baby-sits the little girl.
Abby, we are worried the day will come when he is alone with the child or the parents make the mistake of asking him to baby-sit. Do we warn the parents and ruin the neighborhood camaraderie? Talking to Dad won't help, as he seems to think he has no problem. What do you think? -- HIS FOUR CHILDREN IN TEXAS
DEAR HIS FOUR CHILDREN: If the four of you and your mother think your father has a problem, then he has one. The child's safety must come first.
Tell your mother that if she doesn't tell the neighbors about your father's background, you will. If your father tried to do something inappropriate to the child -- or any other -- it could cause enormous damage. You would have moral liability for his behavior, and, of course, your father could go to jail.
DEAR ABBY: Many times over the years I have meant to write to you to express how grateful I am to live in this country and be able to express myself freely.
When I was a corporal in the U.S. Army in 1947, as an information and education specialist, I had the honor of escorting a female Jewish doctor from Schweinfurt, Germany, back to her home town in Trutnov, Czechoslovakia. She had been interned by the Nazis from 1933 until after the liberation in 1945, and then in a displaced persons camp until I escorted her back to her former home.
She made such an impression on me, telling me what she'd had to endure all those years. Then, 30 years later, in 1977 she unknowingly walked into Maas Bros. department store and bought a color TV from me. The flashback was there, as if by God's wish. It had special meaning to me being of Irish-German descent.
I am now a 73-year-old senior citizen, privileged to live with this beautiful memory. It makes me more compassionate, knowing what the Jewish people went through at the hands of those insane madmen.
Thank you, Dear Abby, for letting me express my gratitude. -- VICTOR H. COLLAR, ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.
DEAR VICTOR: Thank you for expressing it.
GIRL'S CLAIMS OF MOLESTATION SET FAMILY MEMBERS AT ODDS
DEAR ABBY: I have custody of my granddaughter, "Natasha," because my son and daughter-in-law divorced when Natasha was 3 months old. My daughter-in-law got involved with drugs and gave the baby to my son. My son had an accident and gave custody of Natasha to me because he could no longer take care of her.
When I turned 57, I sent Natasha to live with my daughter and son-in-law because I thought I was getting too old to have a 9-year-old.
A year ago, I found out that my son-in-law had been molesting Natasha, and I took her back. We went to the prosecuting attorney. After a year of counseling and trials, my son-in-law was found guilty of child molestation in the first degree.
Abby, when will my daughter stop blaming Natasha and me? She's telling everybody that Natasha lied -- that her husband never touched the child. She insists Natasha lied because she never liked her uncle. It has been a year now. Will my daughter ever get over it? -- TROUBLED MOM IN WASHINGTON
DEAR TROUBLED MOM: Your daughter is in denial, and there's no guarantee she'll ever get over it. Had there not been corroborating evidence to back up the accusation, I'm sure there wouldn't have been a conviction.
It seems that you are the only stable adult in Natasha's life. Although raising a child alone is difficult at your age, I hope you'll find the strength to do it.
Believe me, you are far from alone in having to assume the role of parent to a grandchild. According to U.S. Census Bureau figures, the number of children being raised by grandparents increased by 44 percent between 1980 and 1990. That figure went up 23 percent between 1990 and 1997. As of 1999, 1.4 million children live apart from their parents in households headed by grandparents.
In 1987, a support network called GAP (Grandparents as Parents) was founded that facilitates the sharing of experiences and feelings between grandparents who are raising their grandchildren. It provides information and referrals, a telephone support network, group member listing and assistance in starting groups.
To contact them, write: GAP, P.O. Box 964, Lakewood, Calif. 90714. (Please enclose a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope.)
A service sponsored by AARP called the Grandparents Information Center also refers custodial grandparents to support groups nationwide, and provides free publications on a variety of issues related to raising grandchildren, financial assistance and advocacy. To contact them, write: Grandparents Information Center, 601 E St. S.W., Washington, D.C. 20049.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY ASIAN FRIENDS: It's the Year of the Hare (Rabbit), and I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you a Happy New Year. So: "Gung Hay Fat Choy," "Kung Hsi Fa Tsai," "Kung Ho Hsin Hsi," "Hsin Nien Kuai Le," "San Ni Fei Lo" and "Chuc Mung Nam Moi." I wish happiness and prosperity to you all.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
LETTERS TO TROOPS IN BOSNIA GIVE MORAL SUPPORT ALL YEAR
DEAR ABBY: I'm a soldier, deployed on Eagle Base in Tuzla, Bosnia. The soldiers on my team and I appreciate your column and your "Operation Dear Abby" holiday letter-writing campaign.
The Christmas holidays can be tough on all service members stationed abroad. I've been in the Army for 13 years and have been to my share of different countries. I have soldiers on my team who have never spent the holidays away from their families, and it makes their lives harder.
We appreciate your support of service personnel. Thanks to your readers, we receive mail daily even when we don't hear from family and friends.
God bless you, Abby, and your family. We salute you for helping to bring peace and good will to all our hearts. -- SGT. ANTHONY WOLFE, TALBOTT, TENN., AND THE SOLDIERS OF THE 263RD MAINTENANCE CO. BASED AT FORT HOOD, TEXAS
DEAR SGT. WOLFE: On behalf of my readers who once again participated so generously in Operation Dear Abby -- now in its 14th year -- thank you for writing. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Although the worldwide mailing addresses for the program have expired for this year, the Bosnian addresses are valid year-round.
-- For Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine land forces in Bosnia:
ANY SERVICE MEMBER
OPERATION JOINT FORGE
APO AE 09397-0001
-- For Navy and Marine Corps personnel aboard ship:
ANY SERVICE MEMBER
OPERATION JOINT FORGE
FPO AE 09398-0001
DEAR ABBY: I'm currently stationed in Korea. Being far from home is really depressing, and "Operation Dear Abby" is a boost in morale for troops separated from friends and family. I have seen firsthand the effect it has. I know a few soldiers who rarely get mail from the states except for bills, and those letters were a really big deal to them.
Thank you, Abby, and thanks to everyone who took the time to give someone else a lift on a normally depressing day.
If you could please ask your readers to take a moment to remember five fellow soldiers who died on Oct. 31, 1998, here in Korea, I'm sure it would mean a lot to their families and those who served with them. -- SPC. KHRISTOPHER D. TRULL, CAMP HARVEY, KOREA
DEAR KHRISTOPHER: Thank you for your touching letter. And to the five families who lost a loved one on Oct. 31, please accept my deepest sympathy. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: On Dec. 3, my unit received a bundle of mail from your readers. Please express our thanks to everyone who sent "Any Soldier" mail overseas. The holiday season is a particularly difficult time for deployed service members. The letters made us feel appreciated and reinforced our decision to serve our nation. -- CAPT. RICH DEBANY, CAMP COMANCHE, BOSNIA-HERZEGOVINA
DEAR CAPT. DEBANY: You are most welcome. My readers and I feel privileged to support your efforts.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)