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by Abigail Van Buren

Making Love, Not War, Is Secret to Long Marriage

DEAR ABBY: May I give you an "upper" for the day and offer some advice for newlyweds? Make love every day!

We're in our 60s, married nearly 50 years, and we still make love every day. Our children can attest to it.

What is making love? It's a smile across a room, a hug, a kiss, a pat on the behind, a "special look." Oh, yes, it's also having sex -- but it's so much more. As you get older, the sex and passion may diminish, but the rest won't as long as you remember what your love is all about.

True, we've had arguments and serious disagreements through the years. Who hasn't? I even asked -- no, I TOLD him once in a fit of anger that I wanted a divorce. Know what he did? He gave me "that look," didn't say a word. All I needed was "that look" that says it all. "We're in this for better or for worse, for a lifetime, and most of all," it says, "I love you."

So, young people, if you make love every day and welcome God into your marriage, it will last. -- STILL LOVING AND ENJOYING IT, HOT SPRINGS, ARK.

DEAR STILL LOVING: After nearly 50 years of happy marriage, I'd say you were quite an expert. I have been married for more than 60 years, and I adhere to your philosophy. Your letter is a day-brightener, and I thank you for sending it.

DEAR ABBY: I have many friends and relatives in their 40s and older who find themselves alone and still wanting to enjoy dining out. They sit alone in crowded restaurants and feel out of place.

What would it take for the restaurant to have a table for six with "one, please" dining together? It would make it a lot more fun and increase business.

This evening, I saw a dear friend feel uncomfortable entering a restaurant alone. She has lived in this town 12 years and her husband died recently. I also saw this happen 30 years ago when my uncle passed away and my aunt tried to keep up their weekly routine. Dining alone took all the fun out of the adventure.

Abby, please ask restaurants to consider this. It will make these people feel special again. -- KATHLEEN IN SEDONA, ARIZ.

DEAR KATHLEEN: That's a great idea; however, it's not a new one. I'm told it's traditional in Germany, Austria and northern Italy. It provides a gathering place for people who prefer to meet and converse in some place other than a bar. The owners of Rockenwagner, a restaurant in Santa Monica, Calif., have found their "community table" (a Tuesday night event with a special menu) so successful they're replicating it in their second location. More restaurants should follow suit.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to offer another solution to the woman whose neighbor uses her hose and water to water his lawn and shrubs.

Install a turn-off valve on the water line inside the house. She can then shut off the outside water unless SHE wants to use it. It's a good idea, anyway, to shut off this water in extremely cold weather. -- DONNA F., WEST CHESTER, OHIO

DEAR DONNA F.: I heard from several readers who told me that inside shut-off valves are usually located in the basement, and that turning it off is a simple procedure. However, I live in California and do not have a basement -- so I called my plumber. He informed me that this is not usually inside a house, so it may be necessary to have one installed. I'm sure it would pay for itself over time in the form of reduced water bills.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

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