For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Driving Under the Influence Covers More Than Alcohol
DEAR ABBY: I don't drink and have always despised alcohol and drunk drivers. On New Year's Eve in 1982, my 26-year-old brother was killed by a drunk driver.
Well, to my shock, I had a terrible car crash that has left me hospitalized for the last three weeks. I am missing one-third of the muscle and tissue in my leg. I cannot get skin grafts and reconstructive surgery for several more weeks.
The reason for the car crash was that when I decided to run to the store late one night, I misjudged how my tranquilizer medication would affect me because I was unusually tired.
Now I am charged with DUI! Not only am I in excruciating pain, I am emotionally devastated about being charged with a DUI. I never would have thought in a million years that something like this could happen.
Please print this, Abby, so people will realize that you can get a DUI for reasons other than drunk driving, and that the warning labels on your prescription bottle are there for a reason. If even one person is spared what I'm going through, it will be well worth sharing what I endured.
I thank God every day that I didn't kill someone or hurt anyone else. -- PAINFULLY WISER IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR WISER: You are generous to want others to learn from what could have been a fatal error, and I hope your recovery is swift and complete. Those little labels on prescription bottles warning consumers not to take the medication in combination with driving or operating heavy equipment are there for a reason, as your experience clearly illustrates.
DEAR ABBY: I am the owner of a beautiful 1-year-old St. Bernard. She is very loving, playful, protective and weighs approximately 140 pounds. She stays indoors the majority of the time, but we allow her to run in a fenced-in yard.
Yesterday, while she was in the yard, three children were walking down the street. Two of the children were about 14 years old and the third child was about 8. The older children were laughing because we have a sign posted on the fence that says, "Beware of Dog." The youngest child picked up a long stick and started swinging it at the dog inside the fence. Luckily, this story has a happy ending. The dog just barked at the children and we took her back into the house.
Abby, I am pleading with parents to teach their children never to tease an animal. My dog is 140 pounds. A dog that size can cause a lot of damage. A dog bite from even a small dog can be serious. Children should be taught NEVER to approach any animal (especially one that is barking or growling); never swing a stick at an animal, or bark back -- even if the dog is fenced in, because it could jump over. One should just walk away.
I realize this is long, but I hope you'll print this important message. -- CONCERNED DOG OWNER, MARYVILLE, TENN.
DEAR CONCERNED: Your message is well deserving of space in my column. I would like to add that small children should be warned never to play with a dog who is eating, because the animal may think the child is trying to take its food away. Also, a dog who is nursing should be approached with care, because of her maternal instincts to protect her young.
Internet Gives Voice to People Without Enough Time to Write
DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from "Ruth in Virginia Beach," about long-winded people accepting awards. There is another solution. Write a letter! Don't know the address? That's OK. There's bound to be a Web site for either the group or the record label they record for. You don't even have to use an envelope or a stamp anymore. Use e-mail.
It's time for those of us who provide paychecks for the stars to let them know what we think. I hear people complain about all the sex and nudity in films. Write a letter! There is a Web site for just about every film out there. Let's start letting our feelings be known.
Don't have a computer? Not on the Internet? Go to the library or an Internet cafe. I never used to write because I never knew the addresses. Now, it takes less than 15 minutes to get online, find a site and send a letter.
On the other hand, let's also be sure to write letters when we are really pleased with something. I believe if more people start sending letters, those who produce, direct, record, etc., will start paying attention. -- SUZETTE BOUCHER, SPANAWAY, WASH.
DEAR SUZETTE: I agree with you. A letter-writing campaign can be a powerful force for achieving change. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: "Ruth W., Virginia Beach" suggested in her letter that program committees should make rules that would prevent microphone hogs from going on and on.
One story tells of a committee that did this, telling the master of ceremonies to warn speakers that if they went past the allotted time, they would be mowed down with a sharp bang of the gavel.
The warning didn't register with one windbag, and the committee members signaled the emcee to gavel the person off the dais. He took up the gavel, but in his nervous state about performing such a gutsy move, he gave the person sitting next to him a mighty blow on the head. The injured man was heard to say, as he slipped under the table, "Hit me again. I can still hear him talking." -- BERNARD BRUNSTING, STUART, FLA.
DEAR BERNARD: Thanks for the laugh. That's an unusual cure for a pain in the neck -- and in the future, if I'm sitting next to the emcee and see him or her reach for the gavel, I'll duck.
DEAR ABBY: I have noticed the discussion of using whistles for safety and thought I had better write to you.
My daughter had one with her the other night and when I tried to blow it, she told me it didn't work anymore. It was a full-size, chrome-plated brass, police-style whistle. Upon closer examination, I noticed it had lint in the throat from carrying it around. I used a toothpick to clean it out and, lo and behold, it nearly broke our eardrums!
Abby, you would be wise to remind people to TEST these things periodically. I, for one, did not realize that maintenance was necessary. -- RALPH E. FLORI SR., CAPE GIRARDEAU, MO.
DEAR RALPH: Neither did I -- until you and a few other caring individuals wrote to point it out. One of them also cautioned that the little ball inside the whistle can sometimes deteriorate, rendering it useless, so it's a good idea to check the whistle periodically.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
ACCOUNTANT LOCKS PARTNERS OUT OF HIS OFFICE AND BOOKS
DEAR ABBY: I hope you can help me, although it's my husband who needs help. "John" is a wonderful husband and father. I love him dearly. When he was in high school, he was always picked on by the jocks. (We all know that story.) Well, John carried this on into his adult life and his business.
My husband has two partners. "Gene" is a "nerd" like John. The other one, "Don," is the "jock." The company is 10 years old. They made about $5 million last year. All three have equal shares of this company.
Don handles all of the accounting. He keeps his door locked at all times when he's not there, as he should because of all the checks, etc. But does he leave an extra key for Gene or John? No! He leaves it with the secretary, and she takes it home with her. Don gets very upset if John or Gene goes into his office without his permission.
The way Don has his accounting program set up, John and Gene cannot access any financial information on the company. They have to go through him first. I strongly suspect Don is embezzling.
They have never had an audit done. John and Gene wouldn't dare insist on one, because Don would get furious if they did. Don gets upset over the most minor things. Gene and my husband are afraid of Don. They've caught him in several lies. He treats everybody like dirt. They fight and argue on a daily basis. It's a terrible atmosphere. Yet they won't do anything about it.
Any suggestions? -- DEPRESSED IN TEXAS
DEAR DEPRESSED: The three partners should get together and agree to have an independent C.P.A. (selected by all three) set up their accounting system so that all three partners can understand what's happening financially, and the necessary security is preserved. If Don refuses to agree to it, then Gene and John should consult a lawyer.
DEAR ABBY: Today, 14 days short of his 56th birthday, we buried my beloved younger brother. He died by his own hand two days before his first scheduled appointment with a psychiatrist. He had been referred by the general practitioners who had been treating him for the past two months.
Bipolar or manic depressive disorder has ravaged my family for many generations. It is, indeed, an inherited genetic disorder. But there is a wonderful treatment for it -- in the form of lithium carbonate. I can attest to this. I am a diagnosed manic depressive and, thanks to lithium, I have led a normal, productive life for the past 12 years.
If only I had realized how ill my brother was, perhaps I could have gotten him to treatment in time. If only the GPs had realized this was beyond their expertise, perhaps they could have referred him to a psychiatrist earlier and this tragedy could have been averted. If only, if only.
Nothing will bring back my younger brother, but maybe our experience can help someone else. Thank you for letting me vent, Abby. -- GRIEVING BROTHER, TAYLORS, S.C.
DEAR GRIEVING: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the tragic loss of your beloved brother, but take heart in the thought that your letter may save the lives of countless others. People who know there is a history of bipolar disorder in the family should alert their doctors to it. Also, those who are experiencing mood swings should seek a referral to a psychiatrist who can help them restore the balance in their brain chemistry.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)