DEAR ABBY: I recently discovered that my fiance has been seeing another woman for the past year and a half. He swears that I am the one he loves, and he still wants us to get married. However, I'm having difficulty digesting all that has happened. To make matters worse, the other woman is pregnant.
What should I do? I love him, but will I be able to trust him? Should I marry him and live with the knowledge of his affair and love child for the rest of my life? -- DEVASTATED IN NEW YORK
DEAR DEVASTATED: I can't decide that for you. The question you must ask yourself is how will it affect you as your husband supports the child he fathered during your engagement, and your own ability to accept the child if your husband wants it to be part of your lives. After all, it's his flesh and blood.
Your fiance has committed a serious breach of trust, and you are right to question both his truthfulness and his ability to be monogamous. A relationship that has lasted a year and a half isn't a "fling" or a one-night stand. Proceed with caution.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are in our 20s and have the first grandchild on both sides of the family. Naturally, they all want to spend time with her. Because of a divorce/remarriage in the family, there are three sets of grandparents and two sets of great-grandparents. Some of them see her at least twice a week, the rest at least once a week.
Abby, my mother is offended that we asked another grandparent to baby-sit for us once. Another problem is a couple of the grandparents think our 5-month-old daughter should taste adult food. We have advice from nurses about our daughter's care, but the grandparents think they know better than us or the nurses.
We know that it is good for our child to know all her grandparents and that she is special to them, but we need time with her without them.
Please print our letter. Maybe they will recognize themselves, and then my wife will not have to feel guilty for no reason, and perhaps they will back off and let us parent our daughter without our having to move far away. -- YOUNG FATHER IN CANADA
DEAR YOUNG FATHER: With three sets of grandparents competing to see who will spend more time with the child, I don't blame you for feeling overwhelmed. Ignore any advice that conflicts with your pediatrician's -- and establish a strict schedule for them to see your daughter.
DEAR READERS: Today we celebrate the birth of a great American, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., whose life was dedicated to furthering equality for those to whom it had been denied. His speech, which began, "I have a dream ..." is a classic.
However, another quote of Dr. King's bears repeating: "The good neighbor looks beyond the external accidents and discerns those inner qualities that make all men human, and therefore, brothers."
During this final year of the century, look into the hearts of your neighbors. It will reconfirm that despite our difference, we are all very much alike.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
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