DEAR ABBY: I am writing to confirm the observations of "No Longer Looking in Upstate New York." His description of the male bashing he heard going on in the kitchen, while at least a dozen eligible men mingled in the next room, hit the nail on the head. This is a sad, frustrating pattern in our society. I know, because for years I was one of the loudest male bashers.
After being in one abusive, disrespectful relationship after another, I finally realized that the common thread in all those encounters was ME. I was choosing those men.
Teetering on the edge of despair after years of pain and disillusionment, I was determined to go out with someone completely different from the men I was normally attracted to. Today I am married to that man. Abby, he did not say all the "right things." He didn't try to pick me up. He didn't thrill my heart and give me butterflies. But, as I tell him over and over, he's the most wonderful man in the world.
It took me a while to adjust to being treated with respect and steady interest rather than flattery-selfishness-flattery. My husband treated me like an important person, of all things. And he expected me to treat him the same way.
Each phase of our relationship has been different than what I was accustomed to, but changing myself and facing the unfamiliar has brought me love, joy and peace such as I never imagined.
In my eyes, women have the responsibility to ensure that nice guys finish first -- and flourish. -- JENNIFER IN ELYRIA, OHIO
DEAR JENNIFER: Fairy tales and Hollywood productions aside, a high-quality man may not be the most handsome in the room or the smoothest talker. A diamond doesn't reach its full potential until it's been cut and polished.
You made a mature decision, and for that, I congratulate you. If more women (and men) thought the way you do, there would be more lasting relationships.