DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have taken several vacations with his mother ("Jane") in the past. Because last Christmas was her first holiday as a widow, we took her with us to the Caribbean. The trip was a disaster. Jane complained incessantly that she didn't like the island because it wasn't as nice as her home. I told my husband that I wouldn't spend another vacation with her because she ruined it for all of us.
This year we planned a vacation to Maui where my sister-in-law lives. We planned on keeping this a secret because we wanted to go with just our immediate family. Unfortunately, our daughter spilled the beans.
Jane now plans to go to Maui at the same time we'll be there. We are staying in a home and will have an extra bed. I am worried that she will stay with us, or plan to spend all the time with us and ruin another vacation. My husband does not want to tell her she is not welcome to come along because he's afraid it may destroy their relationship.
Abby, we work very hard and look forward to spending our annual week's vacation with our children. How can I let Jane know she is not welcome to come with us? -- DESPERATE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
DEAR DESPERATE: Face it -- you can't. Your daughter spilled the beans and you are stuck. There's no way you can tell your mother-in-law you don't want her to join you without causing a rift, so be a good sport. If I were you, I'd start looking for a place where Jane could stay in Maui -- someplace close to you that's "as nice as her home." Better luck next year.