What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Free Speech for Students Doesn't End at School Door
DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, a student complained that a teacher forbade the children to discuss "Dear Abby" because it was considered adult material, inappropriate for youngsters. You suggested the students ask the principal what the school's policy is about discussing items they've read in the newspaper.
While they are at it, the students should also ask what the school's policy is regarding the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Is this a school or a penitentiary? According to the student, this teacher also won't let the kids talk in private. Isn't that teacher disregarding freedom of speech? It also doesn't sound as though there is much freedom of assembly at recess while this teacher is in the guard tower.
From where I sit, the teacher should be applauding these kids for reading the newspaper. -- PRESTON NEAL JONES, HOLLYWOOD, CALIF.
DEAR PRESTON: I couldn't agree more. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: The letter from students who were reprimanded by a teacher for discussing your column at recess infuriated me. I am a senior in high school, and during my 12 years in the school system, I have seen and experienced plenty of censorship. I have seen petitions ruthlessly squelched, and I know some schools ban certain books. However, the incident described in that letter takes the cake. That a teacher should censor a private discussion among friends (which she had no business listening to, I might add) is outrageous, disgusting and un-American.
The First Amendment, which grants Americans the freedom of speech and assembly (among other things), applies to everyone -- even students. The Supreme Court upheld this principle in 1969, in the case of Tinker vs. Des Moines, when it stated: "It can hardly be argued that either students or teacher shed their constitutional rights to freedom of speech at the schoolhouse gate." The court ruled that students have the right to express unpopular opinions as long as they are not being disruptive. Those students were not even expressing an unpopular opinion. They were practicing pure free speech -- private speech among individuals -- which happens to be the most protected form of speech under the Constitution. -- CLAIRE BUSHEY, WILMINGTON, DEL.
DEAR CLAIRE: You are absolutely correct. But I thought the teacher would accept it more readily if he or she heard it from the school principal, rather than the students. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Regarding the letter about the teacher who thinks that your column is only for adults: As kids we attended a Lutheran Bible study camp here in Colorado. I don't remember much about the camp -- it's been so long ago -- but one memory I do have is that we had a group chat about your column. It was led by the principal of our school.
He would read a question and then ask us to pretend that we were Abby and give our answers. I felt pretty good when I nailed your response to a T. As an adult now, I can hardly see where your column would be inappropriate for a child. Thank you for many enjoyable years of columns. -- NATALIE MENTEN, GOLDEN, COLO.
DEAR NATALIE: Thank you. Your letter made my day.
Romance That Began at Work Begins to Waver Outside Office
DEAR ABBY: I am a female in my mid-40s, involved with a 50-year-old man. We were co-workers for 10 years, but we no longer work together. Our relationship began before I left the job.
Now that we're seeing more of each other, I'm getting glimpses of a side of him I didn't know existed. His attitude toward women disturbs me. For example, he recently remarked, "I can take getting into an argument with a man better than I can take an argument with a woman." When I asked him why, he retorted, "Because a man is my equal. But to have to listen to a lot of 'guff' from someone who's a second-class citizen and can never be my equal is ridiculous."
Abby, I was shocked. I found his remark offensive to say the least. Now I'm wondering whether this relationship stands a chance. What do you think? -- L.B. IN BALTIMORE
DEAR L.B.: An intelligent woman such as you can do far better than a man who thinks you and all other women are second-class citizens. You can't teach an old dog new tricks, and this one will be hard to housebreak.
DEAR ABBY: You gave "Wondering What I'm Missing" -- the woman who married young and never had the chance to live life as a single -- good advice, as far as it went.
I was married fresh out of high school and had six children by the time I was 30. I was active in the community, but that didn't stop me from feeling that everything was happening to us as a couple and not to me alone. I discussed my feelings with my husband, and he suggested that I go to college and then enter the workforce. I began evening classes almost immediately.
After college, I joined my husband in business and we also purchased some real estate as an investment. I am now 60 years old, and unfortunately a widow, but I have a real estate portfolio, enough income to retire and travel, and time to spend with our 14 grandchildren.
We go around only once, so "Wondering" should do something to make herself feel important, and stop regretting that she's not single. She can be her own person if she wants to, in spite of being part of a couple, and a mother. -- ELAINE SCHORSCH, FEDERAL WAY, WASH.
DEAR ELAINE: That's sage advice. I hope that "Wondering" will take a page out of your book.
DEAR ABBY: I celebrated my 14th birthday last week. I was very happy with all the gifts I received. However, one thing is bothering me. My grandma, whom I love very much, gave me some movie guest passes. Later, I noticed they had all expired.
I have not told Grandma, and I don't know if I should. If I tell her, how do I do it without sounding rude? I've put off saying anything for fear of doing it wrong. Please help! -- NOT SURE WHAT TO DO
DEAR NOT SURE: I'm not sure either, because I don't know your grandma. Some grandmas would want to know, so they could replace the passes with valid ones you could use. Others might be upset and would prefer not to be told. Ask your parents. They will know what's best in your case.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Two Will Seem a Crowd When Mom and Daughter Share House
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to your answer to the 29-year-old woman who bought her own house, and now her mother is planning to move in with her.
Your advice to allow her mother to move in while she's going through rough times with the girl's father is only going to cause the daughter more grief when it comes time for her to move her mother out.
The problems of the parents are not the daughter's to assume, and once her mother has settled in, it will be impossible to get her out -- especially once she has her daughter to take care of her.
I recently divorced after 25 years of marriage. I could easily have gone back to my parents' or sister's home. Friends also offered their homes, but I decided to stand on my own two feet -- as that girl's mother must also do. She can find an apartment and be moved in a day. They will then have their own space, and the parents may work through their problems.
The mother should not be allowed to burden her daughter. -- JUDY IN ROCHESTER HILLS, MICH.
DEAR JUDY: I was shocked at the vehement disagreement that my answer generated. I had thought my advice was compassionate and a good compromise. Read on for a letter from a reader who concurs with my advice:
DEAR ABBY: The letter from the 29-year-old who is reluctant to allow her mother to live with her made me want to scream, because of the all-too-common attitude shown in the letter. This young woman is a self-centered person who is used to getting her own way. She is lucky that her parents allowed her to stay in their home so long. She's delighted finally to be on her own at 29, but she should have been on her own long before now rather than living off her parents. However, her parents are to blame as well, for allowing this behavior.
I know this is very common, and we often blame the economy for children continuing to live with their parents at later ages; however, we should see this for what it really is -- avoiding responsibility. This young woman probably bought her own home with the money she saved by living with her parents.
Abby, she should not let her mother live with her forever, but a temporary place to stay is the least she could do to show her appreciation. -- SEEING IT CLEARLY AT 30, NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR SEEING IT CLEARLY: I couldn't agree more. There is much truth in your conclusions. Thank you for speaking out.
DEAR ABBY: I buy all sorts of fancy pins to wear on my suits and blouses. I am uncertain which side I should wear them on. Since I am right-handed, I automatically put them on the left side.
When I get to my job, a co-worker always changes my pin because she says I'm wearing it on the wrong side. Please help. -- RIGHT OR WRONG IN CINCINNATI?
DEAR RIGHT OR WRONG: I also wear my pins on the left side, and have observed that most women do so as well. I think your co-worker has a lot of nerve. Tell her that you have it on good authority that the left side is the right side.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)