DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend expects me to wear a condom because she's scared of getting pregnant. Obviously, she's putting her own welfare before my sexual satisfaction. What kind of girlfriend does that? -- AUSSIE BOB
DEAR AUSSIE BOB: A SMART one!
DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend expects me to wear a condom because she's scared of getting pregnant. Obviously, she's putting her own welfare before my sexual satisfaction. What kind of girlfriend does that? -- AUSSIE BOB
DEAR AUSSIE BOB: A SMART one!
DEAR ABBY: Is there a checklist of things to look for in a roommate? I need one.
After years of living alone, I was forced by economics and safety concerns to share a house with a friend of two years' standing. A kindergarten teacher who sings in the church choir and is devoted to her friends, "Donna" appeared to be the perfect roommate. That is, until I moved in.
Donna is a slob! She never washes a dish, empties a wastebasket or takes out the garbage. She leaves her shoes in the living room, uses the dining room table as her desk -- littered with paper, bills, hairbrush -- and has converted the den into her personal parlor. It's littered with dirty dishes and open food containers. We have one bath with a shower. Dirty clothes and wet towels cover the floor or are left in the shower.
In previous visits to her home, I'd always found it to be very neat. It turns out that her former roommate -- possibly as disgusted as I've become -- took it upon herself to clean up after Donna. I have neither the time nor the patience.
I'm looking for a new place to live. How can I protect myself from another roommate nightmare? -- DONNA'S SOON-TO-BE-EX-ROOMMATE, NEW ORLEANS
DEAR SOON-TO-BE-EX-ROOMMATE: Make it clear during the interview process that you're a "neat-nik" who is looking for a like-minded roommate. If you're placing an ad, mention it prominently in the ad. If you're using a search service, list neatness among your highest priorities.
If all else fails, try to locate Donna's ex-roommate. The two of you would be ideal for each other.
DEAR ABBY: I have an 8-year-old son who has shown me the power of television.
Recently on a "Simpsons" cartoon, there was a segment about eating meat. In this segment, Lisa had a dream about a lamb who said to her, "Don't eat me, Lisa." Since that day, my son has not touched meat. I have tried everything I can think of. He tried to eat a lunchmeat sandwich one day, but he gagged on it. He said he keeps thinking about that show.
My son is a picky eater anyway and it's hard to please him. He eats lots of veggies, but it's hard to get him to eat enough fruit and proteins to be well nourished. (He loved meat before that show.)
Abby, what can I do to ensure that my son eats properly under these circumstances? -- LINDA IN HOWELL, MICH.
DEAR LINDA: Where there's a will, there's a way. Talk to your pediatrician about a vegetarian diet that will supply all of your son's nutritional needs, and then visit your bookstore. There are many vegetarian cookbooks on the market, many written with children's tastes in mind.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Gil," has an ex-wife I'll call Shirley, and an 11-year-old daughter. Shirley divorced Gil three years ago for another man.
She always goes out to Gil's car and makes small talk when he takes his daughter home from weekend visitations. Last Halloween, instead of waiting in the car, she came into my living room. This summer, Shirley dropped by Gil's family reunion briefly and brought him a gift to celebrate his recent baptism. She also calls my home regularly and asks for Gil.
In my opinion, when you divorce someone, that pretty much says you don't want to see the person again. I believe Shirley should also be divorced from the family. I want to start a new life with Gil, but somehow I keep running into this woman.
Abby, wouldn't it be good manners for Shirley to stay out of sight? -- KATHY IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA.
DEAR KATHY: Considering the circumstances of the divorce, I'm surprised that Shirley felt comfortable dropping by the family reunion. However, Gil will always have a tie to Shirley because of their daughter, so it's to everyone's advantage to maintain a friendly relationship. If you want a happy future with him, try harder to control your resentment and accept the fact that he has "baggage." Sometimes you have to take the bitter with the sweet.
DEAR ABBY: Is it a requirement of friendship to agree to assume certain responsibilities if something happens to your friend?
I live in a senior housing project. I do not have a pet and do not want the obligation of taking care of one. My friend has asked me twice if I would take care of her two cats if something should happen to her. My answer both times was that I would find good homes for them. My friend snapped back, "That's not good enough." I'm worried I'll lose her friendship over this, but Abby, I don't want her cats. By the way, she's in perfect health. I'm not -- I have allergies. -- CAT'S PAJAMAS
DEAR CAT'S PAJAMAS: Your offer to find your friend's cats a good home IS good enough. It is unreasonable for this woman to expect you to assume their care when you have expressed no interest in doing so. If you want to go the extra mile, try to find someone now who would be willing to take the cats should the need arise, and tell your friend you have a home lined up. Or offer to help her do the same.
DEAR ABBY: I've been reading your column for many years. I'm a 73-year-old grandma of 10. I even have one great-grandchild.
At the end of your column today, it said, "Everybody has a problem ..." You know what? I don't! If I had to "get it off my chest," I'd be hard pressed to find a thing to complain about.
You get so many letters with so many problems, I thought you'd like to hear from someone who has none. I have no problem now and never had one that couldn't be solved with a little patience and sometimes a lot of hard work.
There are probably many more out there like me. You just don't hear from them, so I'm writing to make your day. Did I? -- BETTY SKOOG, McHENRY, ILL.
DEAR BETTY: Yes, you certainly did, and thank you for taking the time to write. If all my readers were like you, I'd be out of business!
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I was recently in a relationship for eight months. It started when I was 22. My now ex-girlfriend (I'll call her Sue) was 18.
Abby, we fell in love quickly. I gave her my all. Her family loved me and mine loved her. She said I treated her better than she had ever been treated. (I was raised that way.) I respected her, loved her and never mistreated her. In the fifth month of our relationship, I proposed. She accepted.
Sue recently went on vacation with some girlfriends. The vacation had been planned before we met. I didn't object. I told her to go, and that I trusted her.
Well, she was gone for a week during which I never received even one phone call. When Sue returned, I was at the airport with open arms. Within 24 hours of her return, she announced that she wanted to call it quits. She said she wanted her freedom, that she was too young to have her life planned. She swore she hadn't cheated on me during her vacation. She told me she knows she'll never find anyone who will treat her as well as I have. I was heartbroken.
It's been a month, and Sue has gone "wild" since the vacation. A family member confided that Sue had confessed to cheating on me during the vacation.
Abby, women used to complain that guys have no morals, treated them wrong and cheated on them. Today, the roles are often reversed. Women claim they want a guy who will treat them right, open the car door, bring flowers, etc. Abby, that's me! I don't understand how Sue could have claimed to love me and then been unfaithful.
I have dated for the past eight years, and I've never been this much in love. I know the obvious response to this is that I'm young and have plenty of time; however, I must ask: Where are all the "nice girls"? -- ONE OF THE LAST NICE GUYS
DEAR NICE GUY: One day you will realize how fortunate you are that this happened BEFORE you married Sue. She may have been swept off her feet by your marriage proposal, but she's far too immature for marriage.
Count your blessings and keep looking. There are nice girls everywhere, waiting to be recognized by someone who has as much to offer as you.
DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Terri," and I are both 19. We have been dating for 18 months.
Abby, I never get to see my friends anymore. Everytime I tell Terri I want to be with my friends, she throws a fit and we get into an argument. She thinks I should spend all my time with her. It's like she's jealous when I choose to be with my friends for a day.
Abby, I miss my friends. I'm not bored with Terri; I just need time with my friends. -- FEELS CONFINED IN PACIFICA, CALIF.
DEAR FEELS CONFINED: Terri may be more insecure than jealous. She needs to work on this, because one of the surest ways to sabotage a relationship is to make the other person feel confined.
Of course you need time with your friends, and Terri needs time with hers. You are not joined at the hip. Part of developing as individuals is maintaining separate interests. If you have put up with this for a year and a half, you must like Terri very much. However, I hope you'll consider what I have said, and insist on a degree of independence for both of you.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)