DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Hurt Bride in Texas," who was upset because her future sister-in-law "selfishly" became pregnant after agreeing to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
When I was planning my wedding, my 18-year-old sister tearfully announced that she was pregnant after we had already ordered the bridesmaid dresses. I, too, was upset, thinking, "How could she do this to ME on MY special day?" I hurt my sister when I asked another sister to step in for her.
I will never forgive myself for being so self-centered and thinking the whole world revolved around my wedding. My adorable nephew was born a few months after my wedding and is now in college. I'm so proud of him, and of my sister who faced many challenges as a young single mother.
A wedding day is just that -- one day. Family is forever. This bride and groom should be thrilled for his sister. The baby she's carrying will be their niece or nephew, and they will regret thinking of it as something that spoiled their wedding. -- MATURE IN MINNETONKA, MINN.
DEAR MATURE: Your priorities are well-placed. I was surprised at the number of responses the letter from "Hurt Bride" generated. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: That bride-to-be has to be the most selfish, self-centered person I ever heard of. Why can't she be happy for "Sue"? I suspect her real concern is that Sue might steal the limelight on her "big day."
Personally, I think "Sue" should gracefully bow out of the actual ceremony, because chances are she won't feel like standing up in front of the church for an hour. When I was eight months pregnant, I was maid of honor in a wedding -- and I fainted. Talk about causing a distraction! Thankfully, my best friend was kindhearted, and didn't write to Dear Abby complaining that I'd ruined her wedding. -- KATHY PHILLIPS, JOSHUA, TEXAS
DEAR KATHY: I'd say your friend has a healthy appreciation of what's important. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: When I saw the letter from "Hurt Bride," I felt compelled to share what happened at my wedding six years ago:
My husband and I both wanted a big wedding that included all of our friends. Shortly after we asked everyone to share our special day, one of my friends informed me that the due date for her first child was about the same time as our wedding. I didn't even think twice. I wanted her in the wedding no matter what.
As it turned out, not only was she nine months pregnant when she was standing up there with me, but my sister-in-law -- the maid of honor -- fell down the stairs the week before the wedding and broke her foot. And the mother of one of my bridesmaids was three months pregnant and green with morning sickness. However, regardless of their condition, everyone was there at the altar to share our special day.
"Hurt in Texas" should be ashamed of herself. -- DEBBIE C. IN EUGENE, ORE.
DEAR DEBBIE: It sounds as though your wedding was filled not only with love, but also a comedy of errors. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: "Hurt in Texas" and her fiance need to put "their day" into perspective. How they overcome this hurdle will define how they handle future conflicts. I hope they will be compassionate and understand that a wedding is not a "grand production"; otherwise, they'll get so caught up in the "directing" they'll forget there are other "actors" who have feelings. Even more important, they'll lose sight of the true meaning of the wedding. -- JULIE B. IN ILLINOIS
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